No more WHAT?

It pains me to write this post. In one of those selfish, horrible ways, it pains me. Because I am such a selfish, horrible person.

Okay, not really. I'm being overly dramatic. But I am a little sad.

I love to go to garage sales. If you've known me longer than 5 minutes, you know that already. It would be easier for me to tell you what I haven't gotten that I own that didn't come from a garage sale than for me to tell you what I paid for in a real store. That was awkward. You know what I mean.

I even have blogged about my garage sale experiences:

http://thoughtsfromanoverthinker.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-most-wonderful-time.html


So I really, really told God to just rid me of anything in my life that didn't bring Him glory. And I really meant it. I just didn't think He was going to mess with my garage sales. But He did. Oh yes, He did.

Now I don't know about you, but anytime God messes with something I don't want to give up, the first thing I do is to try to rationalize it. Or justify it. I mean, come on. Garage sales? Tax free, super cheap stuff?

And God said, "Yes. Stuff."

Good grief.

See, I love stuff. Always have. And when I found out that I could go to garage sales, and get more stuff for cheap, I found out I could have MORE stuff! Glee! Happiness! Woo hoo! Cheap stuff!

Better yet, I could get good cheap stuff. Stuff that told the world that I didn't care enough about my money to NOT spend money on stuff such as this. You know, like the time I got a Louis Vuitton purse for $2. I can't get a purse at the thrift store for $2. But the world doesn't know that. It looks like I spent $350.00 on a purse. Why do I want to look like that person? Because I have a messed up view of the world. I have misplaced priorities. Because it became a game to get as much as I could for as little as I could.

Ugh.

Is this fun? To admit this stuff? (Um, no) Is it right? Am I to the place in my life where I'm willing to let go of anything and everything that doesn't glorify God? Why does that scare me so? Because I might be afraid of being one of "those" people? Because if I totally turn my back on this world and all it has to offer, then I have to turn my back on this world and all it has to offer?

Or something like that.

But what about the things I get for people that they need? What about the way I can bless people through stuff I get that they need? God assured me that He's not dependent on my garage sale shopping to provide for those He loves.

Dang.

It's more than just garage sale shopping that's getting to me. God's messing with everything. There's nothing that's off limits anymore. If I were feeling snarky, I'd list everything He's taken away from me that I loved. But you know what? Everything He's taken away from me, I haven't missed. Everything He's taken away, He's replaced with something that brought me closer to Him. Whether or not that shows in my love for Him, in the way I talk, the things I do or the way I live, it's true.

I asked Him to prune from me anything that wasn't like Him. And boy has He.

I'm starting to wonder, "What else?" What else could there be? Not that I'm that good. Or great. I'm not. But what has this culture so ingrained in me that I think is totally okay that's not. If I want to be Holy, because He is Holy, what's next? Do I dare anticipate what's next?

I heard a message not too long ago about Luke 9. All of it was good, and I've reflected on the whole message for awhile, but this is the part that rings in my heart now. It's the last verse in Luke 9, "Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

I can honestly say that I want nothing more than to be fit for the service in the Kingdom of God. So once God gently pries something from the grip of my world loving hands, I can't and don't want to look back.

And it's more scary to ask, "What's next?" But you know what? What ever is next, I won't miss. I know that. Sure in some worldly way I'll say, "I miss ____ or ____ " But really? Do I miss it?

What will I look my Savior in the face when I get to Heaven and tell Him I wish I'd had more of? Anything temporal? Anything that we've created? Anything that He would have had no part of?

Is this all too heavy?

Yes.

Am I drowning?

Yes.

Do I trust Christ?

Yes.

Okay. Deep breath. It's all okay. He didn't transform me overnight because He knew that I couldn't handle that. He's working slowly, steadily, methodically. And I'm glad. Thankful. Blessed.