Thank you, Pop

This post is for my great-grandfather, Alexander Levette. He was born May 16, 1903 and died November 14, 1972. In 1938 he enlisted in the United States Army, and soon fought in World War II and became a prisoner of war. My great-grandmother had four children at the time, but went to work to support the family. She didn't know if he was dead or alive, when one day, she received a phone call where he simply said, "I'm alive," and the phone went dead.



"Pop" died when I was only 6 months old. I have always regretted that I didn't get to know him. I remember standing in my great-grandmother's house, looking up at all the medals, awards and photos that lined the walls, thinking about him. He was remembered so well by his wife and children. The stories about him were tender and precious. I loved him even thought I didn't know him-so much so that I gave my youngest son his name. My great-grandmother lived long enough to know that Zane was Zane Alexander, and I'm thankful for that.



As I reflect on how much freedom has cost so many families since our country was founded, it seems overwhelming. And I want to teach my children that the men and women who have lost their lives didn't do so so that we may pursue the American dream, but did so that we may worship our God freely and openly and proclaim the Gospel both here and abroad.



I also thank God for the women who He has brought into my life that showed me just how much it costs a family to have a father (or a mother) who is in the military. Few of us can understand what exactly they give on a daily basis. It leads me to pray for all the military families both in our country and those who are serving in other countries.



It's a lot to think about and pray over today, but it's worth it. And quite honestly, it's the least I can do as I enjoy the freedoms they worked, and continue to work, so hard to ensure.

I can't stop thinking about this

Once again, Jon Acuff rocked my world. I can't stop thinking about this post, or two quotes I'll highlight:

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/04/532-arguing-about-why-bad-things-happen-to-good-people/comment-page-1/

"Here is the question I felt like God asked me:

'Do I have the right to crack the vessel if breaking it is the fastest way to share with the world what I have poured into it?' "

You may have to read that again. Or more.

And here's the paragraph that I've tried to express {in my own words} over the last few months as friends and I have encountered things happening in our lives and in the lives of ones that we love:

"The question is not, 'Can I trust a God that allows bad things to happen to good people?' Although that’s tempting to get stuck on. Sometimes when we say, 'How can I serve a God that would allow bad things to happen,' we miss what we might be really saying. I think what we mean is, 'I could only serve a God that is good or loving according to my own personal definition of what those words mean.' But that’s kind of terrifying to me. I don’t want to worship a God who’s power is limited to my ability to understand it or who’s goodness is limited to my ability to define it. I get 'good' and 'bad' wrong all the time."


I've said it over and over again. I don't want to serve a God I can understand or make sense of. Then He wouldn't be God. I always think of Isaiah 55:8-9


For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.


I like that. It gives me peace. I'm glad I don't always understand what's going on.

Quintessential Zane

The other day I was running late getting ready and realized I was really going to have to get a shower. As I was trying to get it all together, I heard the boys fighting, and as usual, Zane yelling and crying. I flew into the boys' room to find out what was going on. Jude wouldn't let Zane put his car in the Lego box with Jude's car. {rolling eyes}

I said, "Jude, look buddy, I have to jump in the shower, so can you just please work hard for me to keep Zane happy for just a minute so I can do that?"

Jude wasn't too happy about that, but there are just some times that I cannot possibly remedy the fact that he is the middle kid stuck being responsible for Zane.

As I was hurriedly trying to get ready, I heard Zane screaming again. I went and found him with a very aggravated, "WHAT NOW?"

He looked up at me, red faced, tears streaming down his face and howled, "Jude's not keeping me happy...!!!"

Stinker.

It's so funny how God works...

I woke up rather somberly today. I wasn't depressed or anything, but there are a lot of people who today are facing huge, real challenges. They specifically asked for prayer today for things going on. I knew that today I would need to be quiet, peaceful and prayerful.

My Bible study time was difficult, as my mind kept wandering to these people. I was actually glad when it was time for me to go pound the pavement, so I could just pour out my thoughts and prayers before Christ. I grabbed Fluffy and my music, and we headed out.

I didn't get very far before it started raining. I ran the dog back home, because no matter how cute she is, wet dog is not a pleasant smell. I took off my music so I wouldn't ruin my phone, and then, it was just me, the quiet and the rain.

Oh my gosh.

God very literally rained down on me. It was like every drop of rain was a tiny bit of Him, and in every drop He sang out one of His promises, His words and His song.

I love you.

I have redeemed you.

I have chosen you.

I have called you by name.

You are mine.

I am gracious.

I am compassionate.

I am slow to anger.

I am rich in love.

I am good to all.

I have written you on the palm of my hand.

I see all that happens to you.

I am with you.

I will never leave you.

I will never forsake you.

I am orchestrating everything in your life for one good purpose.

I am worthy of trust.

You can't comprehend my love for you.

Do not fear.

I am with you.

Don't be discouraged.

I am your God.

I will strengthen you.

I will help you.

I am upholding you with my righteous right hand.

I care for you...

Each drop was a tangible drop of His love.

I am very aware of the powerful, mighty God I serve. I fear Him. I stand in reverence of Him. He is jealous. His voice is like rushing waters. He is too enormous and complex for my mind to comprehend.

But this morning, He allowed me to just feel tiny drops of His love. Quite the opposite of the glory He showed to Moses, this was the sweet, gentle caress of a God who is tenderly caring for His child. It was almost too much to bear. That rain fell on me, and I could almost hear Him audibly whispering over me.

Wow.

I have walked in obedience to Him, trying my best to not question Him, resting in the knowledge of His sovereignty. I got to a point where I started trusting that He may or may not ever reveal why He tells me to do what He does. But this week? He's allowing me to see tiny glimpses of what He's doing with that obedience. And it's no understatement to say that I'm blown away.

I want to sit, alone and quiet, in reflection and praise. And I can't. But in the midst of the (not so) precious storm that my life is at the moment, I can stay quiet in my spirit with a running dialog that praises Him and thanks Him for all that He is doing. (...and I can burst into tears a random moments throughout the day, overwhelmed with all of this. I have turned into the biggest crybaby you have ever met. It's the payback for making fun of certain friends all these years...)

And today I am so thankful, that in spite of all the huge things He's doing in my life right now, He allowed something very common like rain to break down His love into tiny droplets that so communicated all that He is to me.

I am just in awe. And I had to share.

My favorite jewelry

Lisa Leonard is my favorite jewelry lady. She creates amazing things. Sponsor a child right now, and get a free necklace. It's a win/win situation.

http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/inspired-designs/faith-hope-amor.html

"How to Change Your Mind" - Hilarious

Or is it?


How To Change Your Mind...

THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN

This made me cry. Not that I am this person, but I do want to be this consumed with Christ. I have had these feelings, and I guess I'd be honest and say that I wish this was true about me all the time. And I know people who are here, and this gave me a new way to pray for them. It's just precious, and I needed a place to save it.

THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN

by A.W. Tozer

The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.

If you fancy yourself as creative...

I guess I do consider myself a creative force-in some small, strange way, really. I daydream sometimes about how unlimited time and resources would reveal what my true creative passion would be. I also know that if I had unlimited time and resources, I wouldn't be here. I'd be far away, geographically, doing things other than creating. So that's an example of a true exercise in futility.

Anyway. I saw this video, and I'm linking the blog in which I saw it. I spent the first couple of minutes just getting lost in this nice lady's voice. She could have been reading the phone book and I would have been transfixed. After I shook myself out of that stupor, I was affected by what she said pretty profoundly. I hate that this all has such a humanistic element to it, but it resonated with me nonetheless.

And one of my blog posts got away today, simply because I couldn't sit down and get it out. I honestly considered sticking on some headphones and ignoring my kids for an hour while I worked on it, but my conscience got the better of me. But now it's gone, and I'm left with the remnants of it rolling around in my head, and that very nearly drives me crazy. This video will explain that much better than I can.

So enjoy.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/04/the-best-creativity-video-i-have-ever-seen/

See? It won't kill them...

A lot of times I think people wonder how an "all home schooled"kid will turn out. You know, one that never, ever went to public/private school. I happen to know a couple, and they really did turn out okay. I can't prove that, since you don't know them too, but now I do have proof that actually one of them did emerge without a scratch.

I got this email regarding my home school post from last week. And here's what it said:

"...I just wanted to say, do. not. give. up. It has been 13 LONG years (just ask my mother) of school. I'm not going to lie, although there were times during middle school years when I just wanted to be a social public schooler, and days when my poor mommy just about had a nervous breakdown and told us we would all be loading up on that yellow school bus tomorrow, I have never regretted the decision my parents made to home school me. It has been incredible."



Isn't that awesome? How cool to get encouragement from someone who has just been where we are going. And I'm not saying that at some point God won't tell me to toss my kid into public school. If He does, well then, we will. But for now, and as far as I can see, this is what we are doing and will continue to do. And as you can see, there is at least ONE home schooled kid that is glad about how it all worked out for them. :)

And what sweet encouragement for me! And you! So crack those whips, ladies. And push on. See? They'll thank us one day. RIGHT??? They'll thank us. :)

Waste time where?

I went to the Target on 280 on Friday for the sole purpose of picking up my contacts. I thought while I was there, I would pick up a few things I needed for the Mother's Day/birthday weekend. And then what did I do? I forgot to get my contacts. I place all the blame squarely on the kids.

So Allen tells me to run back on Monday morning, since he doesn't have to be at work on Mondays until noon. Good call. I grab some coffee and head out at 9 a.m. for a blissful ride in the quiet van. I arrive at Target and realize that the Optical Department opens. at. 10.

I have time, to waste, at Target? Hello, Mr. Alcoholic, would you like to waste some time waiting on your AA meeting at the PUB NEXT DOOR????

Okay, that was a bad analogy. I'm not actually addicted to shopping. Anymore. Kind of. Did you say shoes? Never mind...

There was one thing I wanted (notice I said "wanted" and not "needed") to do. I wanted to get a new swimsuit. And trying on swimsuits is about as fun as repeatedly tripping over the neon yellow painted curb in a black parking lot at church. (Wait, that's not an analogy, I actually did that. Yesterday. At church. HOW do you not see something like that?)

Anyway, the only thing worse than trying on swimsuits is trying them on with 3 kids. One is trying to crawl under the door or look under the dressing room wall at an unsuspecting lady also trying on bathing suits, another is constantly asking to play on your phone and the third is asking you a hundred questions, which may or may not pertain to body parts you are trying to cover/hide/smush into a bathing suit.

So at least I was alone.

And you know what? I made an amazing discovery. They have these super amazing swim suit SHORTS. They are made out of swimsuit material and have a regular swimsuit bottom under the shorts. It's nothing short of ingenious. Ingenious, I say....

In the end, I went with this skirt/swimsuit bottom combo, only because I felt a little more girlie in this, but it covers just the same. I even found a top on clearance, and I was good to go.

Why a post about bathing suits? This is why. And I'm just gonna say it. If the Bible says this:

And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire. Matthew 18:9


and if we know that men struggle with what they see, and we know how many times they think about sex a minute (God bless them-how the heck do they get anything done?) and we know it all starts with a look, then where is our accountability here? Can I wear a bathing suit that shows a little too much "something" and be completely blameless, upright and holy? Especially the "blameless before God" part? I don't think so.

And I've seen some Christian women wear swim suits that made me look twice (or more), and I can guarantee you that I don't think about sex every minute. Before you step out this year, think A LOT about what you are wearing. And it's not just for the men you aren't married too. It's our daughters who need to see holy women dressed modestly before a holy God, and also just as importantly, or maybe more so, for our sons, who way before we realize it are already thinking about that sex stuff. (Lord, lead us wisely there...)

So, that's that. Whew.

After I finished the swim suit trying on portion of my morning (and didn't faint, fall down or throw up) I couldn't resist perusing the shoe aisle. What? Wise decisions? Avoiding temptation? Coveting? Are you talking to me???

I mean LOOK at these babies. They very nearly jumped off the shelves and onto my feet. They looked like they had just been there, on my feet, all my life. They were gold, and they would go with everything. They were so comfortable. And they were only $20. *sob* They still live at Target. :(

And look at these... The flowers. I love flowers. And they are brown. They'd go with everything. They look just like me! Ask any of my friends. Ask any of them. Go ahead. They'd tell you that I needed these. They would just make my shoe collection complete. If I could just get these, (and the gold ones) I'd never have to ever buy shoes ever again. And these were only $20 too. And see, since I'd never have to buy shoes again, I'd be saving money in the long run. A lot of money. Right?

*sniff* These still live at Target too. :(

(and at least these pics show that I'm not getting pedicures;) )

The irony is that my husband actually did need some new black what we call "gig shoes," and they had some on clearance for $15. He was really glad when I came home with those. And I resisted these super amazing shoes and did the right thing. This is the part of the post where I tell you that I'm so very glad I did the right thing, that I could instead give that $40 to a person that needed that money to buy food and that I could rejoice in resisting temptation.

Instead I'm going to be very honest and tell you that I'm pouting and resisting the urge to drive right back over there and get my shoes. And I'm dying moment by moment to that old sin nature, because not all that long ago, I would have slung those shoes into my basket and not thought twice about it. I did make the right decision, but I'm not happy about it. And making the right decision without the right attitude may not be the right thing to do at all. But I'm working on it.

So cover up your girlie parts, ladies. Now that's something you can do and feel good about it too... ;)

This is why I homeschool. Well, kind of.

School has been tough lately. It hasn't been a priority with other seriously more important things going on. So now we find ourselves behind with two options: Double up and work really hard or go past our ending date of May 28th. I'm not really okay with the first option and I'm REALLY not okay with the second option.

I'm tired. I want a break. I want to really clean my house. I want to clean out the garage. I want to purge my scrapbook stash. I want to transfer this blog over to Tumblr. (scared about that one.) I want to... Oh nevermind. It will keep.

I've struggled with this calling more here lately, and I think I do every year at this time. The kids are done with school. They want to be outside. Or at the pool. They want to be playing. They really don't want to be sitting at the table learning.

And honestly, I don't want to be teaching. I just don't.

I always re-evaluate every year whether not this is for us. I always pray, "Okay, Lord, is this what you'll have us do for another year?" This wasn't my idea to begin with, and I really do want to make sure I'm staying in His will here. Honestly I can't imagine sending my kids off to school (not that there's anything wrong with that.) But if He says to, I will. And I joke that maybe this will be the year that He says, "Okay."

I know, though, that this is right for us. I can see down the road and see tons of reasons why it's right for later too. That's encouraging. And I know that He called me to do this, and He very simply will enable me to do it. And do it amazingly well to His glory.

And He's allowed me so very graciously to see some reasons here lately why this is so important. The kids and I were in the van the other day, on the way home from the park with friends. Zane asked me how God made the world. I replied, "He spoke it into being" without really thinking. Zane said, "He what?"

So I tried again, explaining that God said, "Let there be light, and there was light. God said, Let there be land, and there was land..." etc.

Zane's reply? "Oh, so God does automatic stuff."

Huh.

Yeah, buddy. He does.

This lead to a pretty cool discussion about creation and God in general. And then, a week later, Zane reminded me that God does automatic stuff. Really cool. Of course he also then told me that Jesus fell off a tree so we could go to heaven, but we're working on that.

Laney is the one who is really challenging me, though. Asking me if God wants us to be happy. Asking me hard questions about what she hears in church. Asking me to explain things, and not wanting to hear pat answers. But you know what? I don't want to give pat answers.

Because here's the thing. This homeschooling thing is most important to me for one reason. I get to pour the Word over my kids all day long. That is all I care about. Yeah, I want them to learn other stuff too, but I really just want them to have a heart for God and want to walk in His ways all their lives.

I think that's the joy/challenge of homeschooling for me. They are always here. ALWAYS. So we have time for the discussions to flourish. For them to pop up. I can weave Christ into any sort of situation or conversation. And I'm not saying you have to homeschool for this to happen. I'm just saying how it works for us. This is basically the reason I homeschool. Kind of.

And they keep me right. There is no better motivation to stay right before God than 3 little people looking at you all day long. They watch me. They hear me when I don't think they do. They see how I spend my time and my money. They see what's important to me. More than anything, they hear less of what I say and more of what I do. That's freaking scary. It's up to me to be what I say I am. I have to walk so closely with Christ that they see Him all over me.

And yes, it should be this way without the kids as motivation. And I would say that I hope it is, but with these tangible reasons, it's more of a motivation.

But I also see this time as a precious commodity. I get them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year (trying not to have panic attack here) to pour everything into them I can. Because I hear rumors that at some point, they leave home. And when they do, I have to trust that they have their own personal desire to follow Christ on that narrow path. Not my desire for them, but their own desire. Oh, Lord, help me do that.

So in the moments that I'm tripping over dirty laundry, missing having lunch with my friends, or telling someone to not knock on the bathroom door for just 30 seconds, I'm asking God to remind me of all of this.

I want nothing more than to have children that seek after Him always and desire to spread the Gospel as far as the ends of the earth. I hope God uses me up making this happen. And I hope He reminds me always that I'm not just teaching them about verbs and multiplication-I'm educating them so they can more effectively spread the Gospel. That changes everything.

I'm so glad people are smarter than me

This is another one of those, "No really, I was about to blog that..." kind of posts. I blog in my head a lot, because that's how I process information. I'm sure that's not normal, but what about me is actually normal? I'm good with not being normal. 

So I was driving down 65 the other day, and this really great blog post just came together in my mind. The problem is that by the time I get to sit down to get it down, it's gone. (Jon Acuff posted an amazing video about this same subject not too long ago. I need to type out the part that has stayed in my heart, because it was just so poignant to me. I'll get to that also. Hopefully.) I didn't give up on my post, but I was just going to have to wait until I could get it to come together again. And then this morning I read this. (Man, I love Twitter.) Dr. Moore says it SO much better than I was going to, and since he's way smarter than I am and much more convincing in his argument, I'll just post his blog post and then later add the thoughts that are still spinning around in my head. *I added the italics, because that was the paragraph that made me want to stand up and cheer.

The Gulf of Mexico and the Care of Creation

— Saturday, May 1st, 2010 —

As I type this, I am looking out at the Gulf of Mexico. You could have seen a similar sight out the window of the hospital where I was born, just a few miles down the road here on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. Now, though, those waters I grew up with, gently lapping against the sand, are threatening to bring with them millions of gallons of oil, spewing up from an exploded rig out in the Gulf. Five years after Hurricane Katrina leveled this hometown of mine, it is bracing for the worst environmental disaster in the history of the United States.

Some conservatives, and some conservative evangelicals, act as though “environmentalism” is by definition “liberal” or even just downright silly. Witness a lot of the evangelical rhetoric across social media on Earth Day a while back: mostly Al Gore jokes and wisecracks about cutting down trees or eating endangered species as a means of celebration.

Do some environmentalists reject the dignity of humanity? Yes. Do some replace the reverence for creation with that due the Creator? Of course. This happens in the same way some do the same thing with reverence for economic profit or any other finite thing.

There’s nothing conservative though, and nothing “evangelical,” about dismissing the conservation of the natural environment. And the accelerating Gulf crisis reminds us something of what’s at stake.

The incoming tsunami of oil isn’t just about the beaches, although that will be environmentally and economically catastrophic. Just as problematic is the creeping of the oil into the inland estuaries and marshes and waterways. The crisis could potentially destroy the eco-systems of birds, shrimp, oysters, and other lifeforms.

Does God care about baby shrimp? I would argue, yes; God cares for the sparrow that falls to the ground (Matt. 10:29). But, even if you disagree with me on that, consider how God loves those who are “of more value than many sparrows” (Matt. 10:30).

Shrimpers here in Biloxi are mourning the potential loss of more than just an industry but a way of life handed down, at least to some of them, from multiple generations before them. If shrimping collapses, so does tourism, apart from the in and out predation of the casinos dotting the shoreline.

Just as significant, though, are the ways the balance of ecology affects people in ways we never consider or notice, until it’s threatened. God gave his image-bearing humanity dominion over the natural creation (Gen. 1:28). But this isn’t a pharaoh-like dominion; it’s a Christ-like dominion. Humans aren’t made of ether; we’re made of Spirit-enlivened mud. We come from the earth, and we must receive from the earth what we need to survive, in the form of light from the sun, oxygen from plants, and food from the ground.

God knows that we need the natural creation (what we so reductionistically call an “environment”). He exults in it throughout the Psalms and in his speech to Job about his mysterious ways. Jesus continually retreats into the silent places of the mountains and the hills and the deserts, sometimes in the fellowship of only the wild beasts (Mark 1:13). We are built to recognize God in the creation (Rom. 1:18-21), and we need more than just what we can pave over and build in order to flourish.

This is why the Scriptures speak of eternal life in the metaphor of a river that causes the waters to teem with life, with many kind of fish, and vegetation thriving on the banks (Ezek. 47:9-12). This is why one aspect of Jesus’ kingship is to make the waters teem with fish, right in the presence of his commercial fishermen disciples (John 21:3-8), And this is why the Scriptures consider it an apocalypse when the waters are poisoned, and the sea-life is gone (Rev. 8:8-9).

We need the creation around us, including the waters and all they contain, because we are not gods. We are creatures who thrive when we live as we were made to live. We exercise dominion over the creation not only when we use it, but also when we conserve it for the generations who will come after.

So pray for the Gulf Coast, that the oil wouldn’t devastate a people and a land already devastated by so much. As you do, remember: real conservatives protect what God loves.

http://www.russellmoore.com/2010/05/01/the-gulf-of-mexico-and-the-care-of-creation/