Beauty - Part 2

That was certainly the longest interlude between two related posts I've ever had.

{{I've been busy}}

So here is the article that I read right on the heels of my previously reported magazine encounter:

Letting Herself Go

Be sure and ready Rachel Held Evan's post that triggered Tim Challis' post: Thou Shalt Not Let Thyself Go

(have a headache yet?)

And here are two other posts by Rachel Held Evans:

Better Conversations about Bible Womanhood 

Better Conversations about Biblical Womanhood Part 2

So.

Yep.

I tried and tried to write my feelings out about all of this, and I just can't. Maybe because I've just had too much going on and need a lot of quiet time (haha) to sort this out in a way that I can write out my thoughts. Or maybe I don't even want to figure it all out. This may be one of those "suck it up" issues where too much thought is not a good thing. 

I do need to note the following comment. Maybe it's not all about physical beauty. Maybe it's about a beautiful relationship. I don't know. 

I really don't have time to think about it.

"You are correct that a husband's love for his wife should not be predicated on any standard of outward beauty.  A wife's desire to please her husband comes in the context of his need to love her unconditionally and serve her sacrificially, and it enables him to do that more and better.

One of the beauties of how God has designed men and women in a complementary fashion is that the better job a husband does of being a Biblical husband, the more he inspires his wife to be a Biblical wife, and vice versa - it's synergistic."

Beauty - Part 1

It started innocently enough. 

I was browsing magazines at our local library. I grabbed a few, anticipating a rest on the couch where I could flip through a couple. (I'm not sure what I was thinking, but that's how the story goes anyway.)

I picked up a magazine that I guess I am the target audience for: Nearing 40 (excuse me while I blink at that number is disbelief), homemaker, mom, etc. 

I placed it in my check out pile and took it home. I found a few minutes when I should have been cleaning something and picked it up.

I was pretty disinterested by the whole thing, until I flipped to a page that sort of punched me in the face.

It read something like, "Stop Dressing Like a Mom."

Oh. Boy.

 There was this nice, condescending article about how we all needed to stop wearing long khaki shorts and polo shirts and really 

~step it up~

*ahem*

I was pretty ticked, but I turned the page anyway.

So glad I did. 

This is what I'm supposed to wear during "Playtime."

Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:

1. I have never EVER had thighs like that. I'm pretty sure I was born with bigger thighs than that chick has. 
2. I'm pretty sure that is a silk shirt. I'm also pretty sure that that shirt would not fare will with my two boys showering me with their abundant (some days) physical love. Boys are dirty. Silk doesn't like dirt.
3. Her tiny waist is pretty much like the one I had at age 5.
4. If she bends over in those shorts to pick up her phone that her kid dropped from the buggy at Costco, whatever unfortunately person that is behind her is gonna see a least a glimpse of her derriere. 
5. That entire outfit costs somewhere around $700.00. Yep. SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. When I die, if which ever girlfriend (you know who you are) who decides what I'm going to wear spends more than $30 on an outfit for me, please know that I will haunt you forever. (Hopefully it will be some sort of cherry lime aid colored polyester number for my 90 year old self, but I'm good with going sooner than that too.)
6. I'd really like to see her eat that cheeseburger with all that lip gloss on, but I'm probably digressing here...

Then there was this picture:

This, as you can see, is what I should be wearing "Most of the time." So Publix runs, doctor visits, bank/post office/library runs, etc.

Okay. 

What I notice here:

1. This chick is obviously not worried about all of those oranges rolling around on the floor. She must not be of the clumsy variety, because I would be scurrying around, picking all of them up before I did a face plant in the middle of the produce section at Publix (which is also my second home.) She also obviously doesn't have children, because if she did, she would know that a 4 year old would be throwing those oranges to his 7 year old brother, who is now on the other side of the produce aisle, and the girl kid is pondering how far the juice will squirt out when she steps squarely on an orange.
2. Again, thighs? Oh right. I'm supposed to LOOK like that too.
3. White pants on a normal day? Okay, so fine, right now I do have on white jeans, but I'm also afraid to look at how dirty they are. I'm not sure what I was thinking this morning. Thankfully you can bleach white. But I'm certainly not going to wear white jeans to run a gaggle of errands. There's not that much bleach in this house. 
4. I'm sure that when she bends over to put stuff into/get stuff out of that buggy, that necklace is going to catch on the side of the buggy and nearly rip her head off her neck. Ask me how I know. (I went to Wal-Mart once after church, dressed in real clothes. Stuff like that happens to people like me.)
5. $500.00 for the outfit. Hello, orphans? Starving people in the world? Sponsor a kid? Help out a neighbor? Donate to a worthwhile charity? 

And here was the real doozy for me. 

First of all, I tried to deconstruct this picture enough just in case an errant, lost in the world wide web male type stumbled onto this post. I'm pretty sure said dude was inundated with enough estrogen by this point in the post to have fled already, but just on the off chance that didn't happen, I tried to make it PG as possible. But the real pic just shows lacy, lacy you - know - what.

 

That "L" stuff.

(I don't want any creepies finding this blog by searching for any weird words.)

So. 

I'm pretty sure that most husbands love this sort of stuff. And that's great. But they are telling me, in no uncertain terms, if I can recall correctly, that "flannel is for little girls."

Okay.

Again, here are my thoughts:

1. That lady is really, really gonna hate it when her kid throws up on all that silk. I'm pretty sure that silk doesn't do dirt or throw up. 
2. I found that I had a hugely better chance of walking/running in the morning if I slept in a tee shirt/shorts that I could run in. I'm sure that's completely lazy and totally a mental issue, but it works for me for some insane reason. And it's comfortable. And doesn't make me burn up, which may or may not have to do with my old hormonal self.
3. This is where you feel sorry for my husband, but I promise it's not that bad. And at least it's not the dreaded flannel.
4. My 4 year old still climbs in bed with me (us) at least once a week. While it's not my most favorite thing, I'm convicted about being there for him when he's scared or unsettled. And let's be real, how long will he do this? And at what age will I miss the fact that he was little enough to want to get in bed with me? And he wakes me up by patting my arm and whispering, "Mama, I need to snuggle with you..." That's pretty freaking hard to pass up. So I'm okay with that, knowing that these days aren't going to last long. At all. And I'm really not okay with him snuggling with a mama dressed for bed like that.

I'm absolutely sure that there is a time and place for that stuff, and that's fine. But I'm not dressing like that every night. I don't get to sleep all that long (it seems like) so who cares what I'm dressed like? And I don't want to know what that little outfit costs.

Orphans.

I flopped the magazine closed at this point and tossed it back into the library stack.

I looked down at my usual outfit. Tee shirt and shorts. No makeup. Hair pulled back. Glasses on.

I didn't feel beautiful or put together or non-mommy-fied.

I was also mad at myself for caring. But the doubt crept in.

"Should I dress better during the day?"

"Should I wear make up every day?"

"Should I wear you know to bed every night?

"Should I do my hair, eat less, exercise more, wear more lip gloss, try more, try harder, care more, care at all...?"

It all just made me mad.

Stay tuned for Part 2. If you made it this far.

Hard topic

***Edited to add: I sat on this blog post for 12 hours. I have never done that. I sent this to two friends whom I trust to get their opinions because I was so terribly afraid of being misinterpreted or misunderstood. Then I talked it out with another sweet friend.  So I'm tossing it out there. I hope it lands well. :)

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I really don't have time for this right now, but if I don't get this out of my head, it's going to explode.

This is the link that started my head twirling:

Avoid the Appearence of Evil 

  

Oh boy.

First let me say this. I have been a part of a church where infidelity invaded the staff. I can't adequately describe the hurt and betrayal that the church felt. It was horrible.  I have also watched two amazing, Godly women I love dearly suffer at the hand of this wretched sin just recently. It's destroying families. I know this. I see this. I mourn this.

I've always admired Billy Grahams' approach to women. He wouldn't even ride in the elevator alone with a woman. I have always thought that was commendable. 

Until last night, I thought about how it would feel to be that woman with whom Billy Graham wouldn't ride in the elevator with. 

So when I read this last night, I was surprised at the emotions that welled up in me. This list made me sad. It made me paranoid. It made me question. And I hate all of that.

I think why it makes me so sad is because just the simple face that is that you are a woman, you are not going to be ministered to, talked to, addressed directly, encouraged, prayed with, hugged or joked with all because someone may think something is up.

It paints the picture of women being predators, begging some unsuspecting man to fall into her snare. 

It almost punishes the woman for being a woman. 

And I really can get over all of that. Really, I can. I get it.

Here's where I'm stuck. 

It's a heart issue. I think it's apparent that if a man cheats, it's because his heart wants to cheat. He's out of fellowship with Christ and he is looking to cheat. To that end, no list of rules is going to keep you from cheating. If you want to cheat, you're gonna cheat. 

It's like us telling teens, "BE PURE. Don't dally in sexual things."

No no no no no. Don't do that. Don't tell anyone the RULES. Teach them to love Christ passionately. Teach them to read, love, treasure and obey His WORD. Teach them to pray and to praise and to worship and to study. Teach them to listen to and walk by the Spirit's voice. Then the Holy Spirit will so fill their lives and their hearts and their spirits that they won't desire to defile themselves and grievously sin against a Holy God. 

And here's where the danger is. Women start to feel guilty for being women. I find myself wanting to apologize for being a woman. 

If I weren't a woman, I could freely email a staff member. If I weren't a woman, then I wouldn't make someone uncomfortable when we speak, etc etc.

I guess it's feels like this: "If I limit contact with women, I won't commit adultery."

To me, it's liking saying, "If I don't eat, I won't gain weight," 

I have to eat. So let me make good decisions about what I eat based on my heart being right before my God. 

And the whole appearance of evil thing is valid. I get that. I do have a problem or two with that, though.

First of all, if you see a man and a woman talking or riding somewhere together or whatever,  and the first thing you think is, "There's something up with them..." then there's something wrong with you. 

Second of all, if I live my life so that I make so sure I avoid all appearances of evil, or don't make anyone else stumble, I'm doing several things. 1. I'm over estimating my influence over other. 2. I'm removing the power of the Holy Spirit to convict and direct in someone else's life. 3. I'm going to censor or second guess my self constantly, and I really, really hate doing that.

Look, I don't want men to sin. I want them to love their wives and love them well, fully dedicated to her spiritual growth and well being. I want husbands to be the spiritual leaders, guarding and protecting their wives and families. I want them to devote themselves to their wives second only to God. I pray that way for the marriages I know. I am encouraged and inspirited by the beautiful relationships I see around me.

Maybe I have this all wrong. Perhaps these rules are good and wise and really serve their purpose. Maybe they are protecting numerous people from sinning and that is a good thing. Perhaps if these rules prevent one instance of sin then there isn't a discussion at all. They are good and that's the end of it.

I don't know why this hits me hard today. I don't know why I'm struggling. I feel the need to say too that I don't want any liberties that aren't mine. I don't want to talk to someone if it's not appropriate. I don't want to break or bend any rules. I don't want to sin or look like I'm sinning. I don't want to do anything to damage my relationship with my God or my family or my friends. I don't want the freedom to do anything I want to. 

I think I'm just weighing all this out here, and honestly I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It doesn't matter to me if someone doesn't want to minister to me in some way because I'm a woman.  I'm good with that. 

I think I'm just arguing with myself here. And I can do that, since, you know, this is sort of my world and I'm the Queen. :)

And I would also like to say that for the most part, a lot of those rules are common sense. They should be enforced.

Here is another thought provoking look at the same subject:

Anne Jackson's Blog

So I don't know. I don't know what I think. But I do feel like I've emptied my brain of this subject, and I'm glad about that. Whew. 

Waste time where?

I went to the Target on 280 on Friday for the sole purpose of picking up my contacts. I thought while I was there, I would pick up a few things I needed for the Mother's Day/birthday weekend. And then what did I do? I forgot to get my contacts. I place all the blame squarely on the kids.

So Allen tells me to run back on Monday morning, since he doesn't have to be at work on Mondays until noon. Good call. I grab some coffee and head out at 9 a.m. for a blissful ride in the quiet van. I arrive at Target and realize that the Optical Department opens. at. 10.

I have time, to waste, at Target? Hello, Mr. Alcoholic, would you like to waste some time waiting on your AA meeting at the PUB NEXT DOOR????

Okay, that was a bad analogy. I'm not actually addicted to shopping. Anymore. Kind of. Did you say shoes? Never mind...

There was one thing I wanted (notice I said "wanted" and not "needed") to do. I wanted to get a new swimsuit. And trying on swimsuits is about as fun as repeatedly tripping over the neon yellow painted curb in a black parking lot at church. (Wait, that's not an analogy, I actually did that. Yesterday. At church. HOW do you not see something like that?)

Anyway, the only thing worse than trying on swimsuits is trying them on with 3 kids. One is trying to crawl under the door or look under the dressing room wall at an unsuspecting lady also trying on bathing suits, another is constantly asking to play on your phone and the third is asking you a hundred questions, which may or may not pertain to body parts you are trying to cover/hide/smush into a bathing suit.

So at least I was alone.

And you know what? I made an amazing discovery. They have these super amazing swim suit SHORTS. They are made out of swimsuit material and have a regular swimsuit bottom under the shorts. It's nothing short of ingenious. Ingenious, I say....

In the end, I went with this skirt/swimsuit bottom combo, only because I felt a little more girlie in this, but it covers just the same. I even found a top on clearance, and I was good to go.

Why a post about bathing suits? This is why. And I'm just gonna say it. If the Bible says this:

And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire. Matthew 18:9


and if we know that men struggle with what they see, and we know how many times they think about sex a minute (God bless them-how the heck do they get anything done?) and we know it all starts with a look, then where is our accountability here? Can I wear a bathing suit that shows a little too much "something" and be completely blameless, upright and holy? Especially the "blameless before God" part? I don't think so.

And I've seen some Christian women wear swim suits that made me look twice (or more), and I can guarantee you that I don't think about sex every minute. Before you step out this year, think A LOT about what you are wearing. And it's not just for the men you aren't married too. It's our daughters who need to see holy women dressed modestly before a holy God, and also just as importantly, or maybe more so, for our sons, who way before we realize it are already thinking about that sex stuff. (Lord, lead us wisely there...)

So, that's that. Whew.

After I finished the swim suit trying on portion of my morning (and didn't faint, fall down or throw up) I couldn't resist perusing the shoe aisle. What? Wise decisions? Avoiding temptation? Coveting? Are you talking to me???

I mean LOOK at these babies. They very nearly jumped off the shelves and onto my feet. They looked like they had just been there, on my feet, all my life. They were gold, and they would go with everything. They were so comfortable. And they were only $20. *sob* They still live at Target. :(

And look at these... The flowers. I love flowers. And they are brown. They'd go with everything. They look just like me! Ask any of my friends. Ask any of them. Go ahead. They'd tell you that I needed these. They would just make my shoe collection complete. If I could just get these, (and the gold ones) I'd never have to ever buy shoes ever again. And these were only $20 too. And see, since I'd never have to buy shoes again, I'd be saving money in the long run. A lot of money. Right?

*sniff* These still live at Target too. :(

(and at least these pics show that I'm not getting pedicures;) )

The irony is that my husband actually did need some new black what we call "gig shoes," and they had some on clearance for $15. He was really glad when I came home with those. And I resisted these super amazing shoes and did the right thing. This is the part of the post where I tell you that I'm so very glad I did the right thing, that I could instead give that $40 to a person that needed that money to buy food and that I could rejoice in resisting temptation.

Instead I'm going to be very honest and tell you that I'm pouting and resisting the urge to drive right back over there and get my shoes. And I'm dying moment by moment to that old sin nature, because not all that long ago, I would have slung those shoes into my basket and not thought twice about it. I did make the right decision, but I'm not happy about it. And making the right decision without the right attitude may not be the right thing to do at all. But I'm working on it.

So cover up your girlie parts, ladies. Now that's something you can do and feel good about it too... ;)