Good to know:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/12/29/The-7-Foods-Experts-Wont-Eat.aspx?sms_ss=facebook

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I hope your Christmas is filled with joy, hope and peace that can only come from the Savior that came from above!!!!!

Oh by the way, you don't have cancer

One afternoon, several weeks ago, I found something weird about myself physically. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say I knew immediately that something wasn't right. I sat down on the stairs in my house, and did what you are never, ever supposed to do. I Googled. And the first word that popped up was "Cancer."

I sat there, absolutely frozen, and I literally saw a fork in the road.

A couple of years ago, the old me would have bolted to the phone, crying, and called everyone I knew, seeking advice and reassurance. I would have jumped on the computer, researching all the facts I could find on the "situation" and spiraled into the great land of "what if?" It looked so nice, that fork in the road. So comforting, fulfilling. Fleshly, and oh so tempting.

The other way was a way that is newer to me. It was a way of peace, acceptance and faith. Ugh. My favorite word. Faith. I sat there, pondering which way I wanted to go. It was a true decision. Sitting there, on my stairs, with my busy world swirling around me, I felt like Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix." Everything was going on around me, and I sat there, frozen.

It sounds so melodramatic. It was, in fact, monumental. I saw that God was saying, "Okay. You've been working really hard. Dedicating yourself to Me. Learning. Studying. Progressing. Now, is it real?" I felt the weight of the importance of this. It was real. I got up, and went on with my afternoon. My night. My weekend.

I made the right decision.

It's funny too. I went that night and sat with one of my best friends for literally 7 hours. You don't know HOW much I wanted to grab her hand just for one second and say, "Can we pray over this?"

But I didn't. For 3 days, I didn't say a word to another single soul. God and I hashed it out in my heart.

I knew that it could totally be nothing. I also knew that God wasn't wanting to see how I reacted to "nothing." He wanted to see how I'd react to "something."

I had watched a dear friend struggle for years and years with cancer, and I saw her leave her 13 year old daughter who didn't have a father. I felt the grief of one of my favorite people in the world being ripped away by cancer. (The Lord has done miracles in that 13 year old girl, by the way. She's grown, married and a mama now, loving Christ all the way. Thank you, Jesus.)

I came to grips with that years ago. Leaving my kids, I mean. I told God that if they were better off without me, then I was okay with leaving them. Really. He loves them more than I do, and He would find the perfect person to raise them. I was good there.

But, this was different. This was the great unknown of medical bills, pain, suffering, difficulties. I wandered there in my weak moments time to time, but really, I just soldiered on with Jesus. Me and Him.

I saw the worry in my doctor's eyes, even as we joked about my coming out in a hurricane to get checked out. He said we'd know for sure in a week what was up. 7 days. Okay, cool...

That's a long time to be strong about something like that.

Okay, enough of the drama. I am fine. And after it was all over, the Lord said, "You know, I'm proud of you. You handled that pretty well." I was humbled, because it's only that GOD didn't give up on me a long time ago that I have made any progress in my life.

It's only because He has pushed me so much farther than I thought I could EVER go. He has pulled me out of my complacency. He has dragged me from all the earthly pleasures I used to cling to. He has separated me from all my securities that didn't lie with Him. He removed all my comforts that used to sooth my soul. All except those that came from Him.

Goodness.

And he's not done yet. Thank you, Lord. You still have so much work to do on this old, yucky me.

Then, as I still pondered these things, Thanksgiving morning, one of my "friends" had a seizure, fell, hit his head and was taken to the hospital.

Now I say "friend" because I'm weird. If you influence my life, if God uses you in my life, if I am grown and challenged by you, even if I don't know you personally, you are my "friend." Even if you are famous. ;)

My "friend" is Matt Chandler. He pastors a church in Texas called the Village Church. http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/


If you want to get shaken up a bit, or challenged, give him a listen. I love that he is fighting that good fight. The real fight. Making it happen.

Long blog post shortened just a bit, Matt has a tumor in his brain. They operated, didn't get all of it, and determined that it's cancer.

My heart broke. I knew 1/100th of what he was going through. I had just been there, experiencing just a fraction, oh just a fraction, of what he is going through. My heart broke for him, his family and his church family.

His testimony during all of this has been amazing. So profound. His last Tweet was, "Why not me? Why not you?" Oh my soul.

I am praying most of all for comfort for his spirit. That God will be fabulously glorified through his journey. That people will come to know Jesus through all this.

This article is amazing:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/decemberweb-only/151-11.0.html?start=2



This blog post rocked my world. And I'm sure this man is really a friend with Matt Chandler:


http://jrvassar.posterous.com/thinking-of-my-friend-matt-chandler-and-the-d


And this is Lauren Chandler's blog:


http://www.themchandlers.blogspot.com/




So pray with me for my "friend" Matt Chandler and all those around him.

And pray for the challenges that will come to you in your life. Pray in advance of them, so that when they come, you can glorify God, bringing others to Him. I am. So very, very much.

Because it is no doubt to me that more hard stuff is going to come. Stuff that will knock me off my feet. So I pray now, that God will be strong in me, so I can glorify Him, just in case I can't pray the right prayer when that time comes.

Christmas Destruction

"What is Christmas about, boys and girls? Annihilation. Obliteration. Demolition. Destruction."

It was the Christmas sermon opening that changed the way I thought about Christmas.

Thinking about a baby destroying the world immediately brought back age old memories of Chucky. I dated a guy who's four year old nephew was addicted to Chucky movies. I hope that kid turned out okay, but I think the odds were probably stacked against him. I need to pray over him today...

Anyway, you probably knew it was coming. My yearly post about all the things that I think are wrong with Christmas. The things that interfere with my thoughts and feelings about Christmas. The theories that I can't reconcile, the questions that don't have answers, the thoughts and feelings that conflict my spirit.

And you know what? I'm not alone! I found one, single solitary person who has the same problem. So there. I'm not that crazy. Well, let's not linger too long there.

  I'm don't like to linger long on the baby Savior. He was vulnerable. He was dependent on the humans he came to save. I wonder if this was the greatest challenge He faced, as He sat in Heaven, gazing down at the Earth, and asked the Father, "You trust them to take care of me?"

I imagine God nodded. And I imagine Jesus sighed and said, "Okay, if You do, then I guess I do."

Or something like that. Or maybe not.

But, again, I don't like to linger there. That has just never sat well with me, this whole celebration of the baby Jesus. Could it be that this is why He never asked us to celebrate His birth? Because it wasn't about His birth?

It was about the fall of Satan.

Now that gets me pumped up.

1 John 3:8b says this:

"The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil."

There. That's it. It all just clicked. It all made sense. That's what my spirit has been longing to hear, plain and simple, all this time. And I am absolutely, positively sure that it has been mentioned before, talked about, preached about and illustrated over and over again before now. I think I just missed it all this time.

I know that Jesus came to save us. I really do. I know that was the whole intention of His birth. But it's more than that. This tiny baby's birth must have sent shock waves through Satan, waves of fear and trembling. It meant that Satan's destruction was sealed. It was definite now. The ONE who was going to destroy Satan was here. He came, and now it was all set into motion. The movie, if you will, had started. And the credits won't roll until Satan meets his eternal demise.

Wow.

"Jesus appeared to destroy the Devil's work"

That's it. That's why He came. He saved us in the process. He rescued us from Satan's clutches. Paid the ransom, and swept us into His arms.

Hebrews 2:14-15

"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."

Oh yeah. That's it. My new Christmas verse.

So am I now okay with Christmas in December, the songs about Jesus being born this night, the Wise Men hanging around the manger, the presents, the craziness, and all and such?

No. I'm not. And I won't ever be. But you know what? God won't let me let go of these things. It's important to Him that I think these thoughts. And He is the ONLY one who knows why it's important. It drives me to tears.

But this year, this message has brought me comfort in the craziness. I can celebrate, in my heart, that baby in the manger who soon will wipe Satan from all of our lives. I'm focusing on thanking God for His gift of His Son every single day of the year. I leave those Wisemen-less nativities up all year. I want to tell the unreached nations that He did come. And He's here to save, and annihilate. And obliterate. And demolish. And destroy.

And He did all that because He is holy. He is perfect. And He is worthy to be praised.

Christmastime is here!

The Blog Era is Over?

A sweet friend of mine offically closed her blog a couple of weeks ago. She just said, "It's over." She left it up for some good information she had on there, but basically said it was time to let it go. That made me really, really sad.

I am NOT here to guilt anyone about anything, not that I could. I'm just here to pout.

I really loved blogs. I loved seeing what people were doing, what their kids were doing, what they were thinking, where they were going, what they were seeing. I'm a bit of a voyeur that way. I love to peeping Tom into peoples' lives. I love that most of all.

I loved the thinking part most of all. I like being challenged with what I think/believe, and blogs really let me do that. There's something safe in being able to type out all that you feel, not being interrupted while you're getting it all out, and it makes for very fertile ground in which to lay out your ideas. I loved it when those posts would pop out.

Again, I'm not complaining. Just lamenting something I miss. You know, like jelly shoes, Merlin, and riding my Big Wheel down my stairs of my old house.

I hate when things fade away. Maybe that's why I am so fastidious about this blog. It grounds me, in a way. It gives me a place to nail down a few things. I'm stubborn. I just can't let it go.

So I miss you, dear blogger, and your pictures, your antidotes, your slideshows, your recipes, your thoughts on this or that. And maybe that's why I wanted to write this. Just so that you'll know you're missed.

Let's go ride a bike...Oh wait. That's "fly a kite..."

I've been singing "Let's go ride a bike..." to the tune of "Let's go fly a kite..." by accident. It just hit me as I typed out the title to the post. Oh well. At least it's a clean song, unlike some of the other bicycle songs out there.


Anyway,

My sweet Laney has been trying to ride a bike literally for years. She just turned 8, and I was hoping it would happen soon, for her self confidence's sake. My precious friend Jackie posted a video of her son riding his bike in the back yard, and I showed it to the kids. Laney and Jude started jumping up and down, asking me to take off their training wheels on their bikes so they could try to ride in the back yard too. So I did.

As I expected, Jude jumped on his bike and took off. That kid has natural athletic ability. He struggles in some other areas, but he can do stuff like this amazingly well. Laney worked so hard, I think encouraged by Jude's going to it, and she actually got it! Oh, I was so happy and proud.

We headed off to the circle, and they were immediately addicted. I am so glad.

Here is Jude, mid fall. They have lots of bumps and bruises, but no major wrecks yet. Oh wait, Laney did literally run over Zane, but he was okay. I'd like to say I kept my cool, but I didn't. I'm learning, though. *breathe in, breathe out...* Okay.

Allen rides his bike with them, and when the weather clears up, I want to try too. I wonder if it's true that you never forget how to ride a bike. It's been 25+ years since I've been on one, so we'll see...

Oh and you have to watch this video to the very end. I have no idea who the loud mouth is who won't be quiet, but never mind that...

One of the reasons I got a kid-proof camera (and it's the most fabulous camera in the whole world) is so that my kids could use it. And they use it a lot. They just take it off and we have tons of pictures and videos of them just being silly. It makes for very interesting picture uploading.

So I went to upload pictures from the weekend, and all of a sudden all these hilarious pictures just started popping up on the screen. I called Laney in to tell me what the heck they were doing. And she told me that she was telling them emotions to have, and then she would take their pictures:

Happy

Super Happy

Sad

Super Sad

Surprised

Super surprised

Excited

Super excited

Mad

Super Mad
(notice even Jude's face is red...)

Bored

Super bored

This is looking up at the sky.
(I asked Laney why looking up at the sky, and she replied, "I don't know.")



So there you have it. That's what my kids do with the camera.

Oh, and they take videos of themselves too. (You have to watch Jude's face.) I'm going to be glad to have all this later. I know I am.

You are NOT going to believe the deal I found!!!

Okay, not really. But if I told you I wanted to talk about Secularism and the Myth of Neutrality, would you have opened this post?


 NOPE!!!!

And why would you?


 I mean really.

I was on the way home during my now famous and too much talked about trip to Atlanta when the radio station I was listening to suddenly announced an introduction to a man that I had never heard of. The words were so big and the introduction so convoluted that I actually thought it was some sort of strange Christian version of a Saturday Night Live skit. I kept listening, to see what the heck it was. So this nice man, Ravi Zacharias, started talking, and I was mesmerized.

Now he's a well known apologist, evangelist and theologian. It will come as no surprise to you that I am none of the three of those. I also had no idea who he was. About 80% of his message went right over my head, but I was most of the time worrying terribly about where exactly I-20 was and whether or not I was going to hit a deer during the horrible downpour I was driving through. Let's not excuse it too much, though. I'm not very well versed in apologetics, but I do love to learn about stuff.

So anyway, basically, if I can break it down to an embarrassingly simply level of understanding, for myself, of course, what this Mr. Zacharias was saying:

1. We are created to worship. By our Creator, of course. It was all designed to help us find Him. And what we fill ourselves with so much of the time is not Him. But we try, with any sort of religion. Mostly he was speaking of the unsaved-how we will worship any other sort of created deity. That's basically how the other religions started. All born out of this desire intrinsically to worship.

2. If we, as a country, society or a culture, allow Christianity to slip through our fingers, our world will not remain neutral. Meaning, if we remove our Christianity, something will replace it. Some other religion. Because we were created to worship. Something else WILL replace Christianity.

3. There are religions aware of this already. And they are waiting, in the wings, for the fall of Christianity in this country, so that they may step in.

It freaked my self out. I got that panicky feeling I get when I feel like there's too much I should be doing RIGHT NOW. That time is wasting. Like I have to get out there and make sure we don't lose this battle. BUT HOW?

Ugh.

So after this message, my head spun all the way home. I then asked one of my friends, who at this point has to remain nameless because said friend's ego is getting out of control, about this Ravi guy. I was really hoping that he was some quack and I could just ignore all that he had said. (Granted, the Holy Spirit was already letting me know it was legit, but I was hoping I was wrong.) My theologian friend assured me he was legit. *sigh*

So, you know, I don't know. Ever since I went to that stupid Secret Church, I have been reminded that what we are battling is bigger than we can even comprehend. And this little sermon by Ravi Zacharias further drove that home for me.

It's serious, and I am begging God to show me my place in it all. How it is possible to just go about our every day life, knowing that there is so much we need to do, as quickly as possible. Yet, how and how and how? Oh me.

One thing that I KNOW I can and need to do is pray desperately for those who are in the battle, fighting so bravely already. I can pray, and walk in obedience. And be aware. It's scary to be aware, but I think now, more than ever, it's a sin not to be aware. So let us all be.

Oh, and if you are at all interested, here is the link to the nice man I am speaking of: I am sure I am the only person in a 5 mile radius that hasn't heard of him, but I'm getting used to being the last one to the party, as my sweet friend Martha used to say.

http://www.rzim.org/USA/Resources/Listen/LetMyPeopleThink.aspx?archive=1

True Independence is a Motorcycle

I have that saying on a shirt, but it didn't seem so cheesy on there. Oh well. My sister and her boyfriend, Chris, came by the house one Sunday afternoon with Chris' motorcycle. The kids had a blast sitting on it, and then, after mustering up some courage, Laney and Jude took rides around the neighborhood. They absolutely loved it! Of course that made me happy, since I love few things more as climbing on the back of a motorcycle and taking off!

Wasn't the dust bowl a football game?

I got a bit behind on my laundry, and one night recently, I plopped down to fold several baskets worth. In the vein of finding something G rated on prime time television, I turned on PBS. I figured it would be a pretty safe choice. This particular night, there was a documentary on the series "The American Experience" about the Dust Bowl.

I continue to wonder if I am a product of a broken public school system or if I was just clueless. I made decent grades in school, although there is no doubt in my mind that I didn't apply myself in any way, nor did I perform nearly 1/100th of my potential. I stay continually amazed at how little I know about anything and everything. I had a vague idea of what the Dust Bowl was. I mean, some dust flew around for a bit, right?

Oh my. I had NO idea what these people endured for near a decade in the 30's. I forgot totally about my laundry and just sat, transfixed, watching the horrors these people lived through. They inadvertently raped the land with wheat crops, leaving the earth, the dust and the dirt, exposed and unanchored. The dust storms that would ravage these people reminded me of the clouds of debris that the people of New York experienced when the Twin Towers collapsed. The sky would darken and everything would go black, blacker than night. If you lived through the storm, what you then endured was even worse.

There was dust in EVERYTHING. Their food, their water, *three* feet of dirt in their houses, their beds, in their clothes, noses and they constantly crunched dirt in their teeth even. People, especially children, died in their families' arms because of pneumonia. Their lungs were so broken by the constant dirt. Those who could move eventually did, but most couldn't afford too. They continued to plow the dust and dirt, praying and hoping, for years after years, for somehow some crops to grow. There wasn't even any rain. Just dirt, dust and more dirt. They were poor, hungry and dying.

A decade. Every day. Plowing dust.

Just hoping.

I was blown away. (Absolutely NO pun intended.) I sat there, trying to remember a day, just ONE day, that I had ever lived that was as horrible as the decade these people endured. I couldn't think of just one.

My friend, Matt, who is Godly and wise beyond his years, said one day that all we have are rich man's problems. I thought about that a lot. What problems do I have? Really? Most all of my problems are self made.

Too busy? Stop doing so much. Too tired? The same. Not enough money? Stop spending. Depressed? Bored? Restless? Uninspired? Unappreciated? Angry? Frustrated? Stressed out?

All man made. Even if your health is taken from you, you are going to get top notch care, and not left to die a slow painful death in a third world hospital.

We have no problems. And our only problem should be how do we get the Gospel to the world before it's too late. That should be our only problem.

I accidentally stumbled upon a small phenomenon on Twitter - A subject that rocked my tiny world. People post their "first world problems." The type out "#firstworldproblems," and then express whatever is getting them down at the moment:

"Bought a new oven pan and it won't fit in my oven."
"My Friday night is boring."
"Starbucks got my coffee order wrong."
"There really is an Eggo shortage."

I don't mean that these people's lives are truly ruined because there are no Eggo waffles, but you get the idea. Have we become so self absorbed that we really and truly believe that anyone cares that you're upset because you can't buy your preferred brand of waffles?

Are there real problems? Of course. We all have real difficulties in our lives, but poured through the strainer of the Word, I should, and I do mean SHOULD, have a grasp how to handle situations that come into my life in a way that gives glory to God and grows me spiritually too.

And truly, our only real problem is how to spread the Gospel as quickly and a far as possible. And I'm begging God to show me how this looks in my own life, in real life-not just on a silly blog.

I know that there are situations that rock us to the core. I know that people I love and adore are right now going through terribly trying times. I don't mean to diminish those struggles. But you don't have to go back very far in the history of this country to see that we have become a terribly spoiled people. Step outside of this countries' history and the facts become even more sobering. We haven't lived a hard day in our lives. Ever. And I've been poor. I've been firstworld poor. Never third world poor. I've never experienced ethnic cleansing. I've never experienced real, debilitating hunger. I've never slept in a card board box. I've never experienced religious persecution. I could go on and on...

I'm struggling to find how I am supposed to live in this age God as plunked me down in as a child of God that pleases Him. I don't want to get to Heaven and try to explain why I was too tired or stressed by all my man made first world, rich man problems and not caught up with winning the lost. I'm trying to figure out how to help those in my life who are struggling with real problems in a way that honors God. I've decided that this is all really very, very simple or extremely complicated. It's one or the other.

My theory is that it's really simple, and I've just made it all very complicated. It's about the blood of Christ covering my sins, and me reaching the lost. That's it.

So it wasn't a football game after all...

This is going to be SO bad...

Oh this is going to be so bad, but I can't help it. On the way home from Atlanta, I had child-free access to the radio. It was heavenly. I was in the car for 6 hours in a 20 hour period. I loved it. I had coffee and could listen to what ever I wanted to. I think I could drive across the country that way. Or at least up Route 66. I have always wanted to do that. And I could digress in my mind all I wanted to. That's not gonna work here, so I really must focus.

So during this driving, I found a really cool guy who gave a talk that rocked me to the core. I'll blog about that later. So after listening to that, I thought I would give some other sermons a chance. What I found mostly were stupid stories, dumb jokes and illustrations that made me vacillate between rolling my eyes and saying out loud, "Are you kidding me?" I became even more thankful for the man of God who brings the Word to my church body each week. And he serves that Word steaming hot. Boy... Anyway,

This is totally going to read like one of those inane illustrations, but I really can't help it.

I was thrilled, and I mean beyond thrilled, to get to go see David Crowder in Atlanta. Or the
A. T. L. as the kids call it these days. Our month had been so busy that aside from thinking about how excited I was, I didn't have a lot of time to plan for the trip. Thankfully Jackie had her brains about her and mailed me my ticket and some directions. The morning that I was supposed to leave, Mom asked me if I knew where I was going. I told her that I had absolutely no idea. If you have met me for even a second, my OCD mad planning skills may have presented themselves. So it was quite unusual, to say the very least, that I had not planned this trip down to the millisecond.

I packed in about 2 minutes, threw everything in the car and went to get gas. At the gas station I typed the address into my trusty phone and off I went. I even had to remember how to get to I20, if that tells you how seldom I travel outside my county. Panic set in as I got good and on the interstate. I had NO idea where I was going. And I was going to Atlanta, or the ATL as we'll now call it, so we can be "with it." I have been lost in the great ATL several time, luckily with a car full of girls. Now I was alone, and barrelling down the interstate towards the great unknown.

Now the good thing was that I had my phone. You type in the address of your destination, which I had thanks only to Jackie, and then it shows you a map with your route highlighted. The directions are even broken down into a step by step route and most comforting was a blinking blue dot that is YOU. So you always know where you are and where you are going.

I'd love to say I was easy breezy after getting this info typed into my phone, but once I hit Six Flags, I got really nervous. The ATL is full of interstates, and most have about 6 lanes and everyone does 90. I was a nervous wreck. I clutched my phone, no music on and talked to myself incessantly. It was comical, to be sure. Thanks to my phone, I arrived at the church safely right on time.

I was paranoid about my phone the whole time I was there, and we laughed about it some. I was terrified of losing that thing. How would I get home without it? I was relying totally on it, and nothing else. I even wondered how people traveled before GPS. They were stuck with ill folding maps, I guess. Oh the horrors. No wonder I stayed lost in Atlanta all those years ago.

On the way home, I typed in my address and off I went. I was good, except it was raining cats and dogs. I got my coffee, turned the windshield wipers on high and clutched my phone. I kept thinking I would get to the interstate soon, but after an hour, I realized I wasn't anywhere near an interstate. I was on a two lane road in the middle of nowhere. I had no choice except to trust my phone, but I really didn't want to. I thought my phone and I were both lost. I kept driving, becoming more and more uneasy, but I plodded on, through the pouring rain.

Finally, in literally a split second, I saw out of the corner of my eye one of those little signs that said, "I-20 this way." I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed a little. I still thought surely there could have been a better way to go, since I had been driving FOREVER. In the rain. On a two lane road. And I needed a nice, clean, safe restroom. (Large coffee, remember...) Finally, there it was, I-20. I was home free.

I found my rest stop, and I was so blessed to see that the average age of the guests at the rest stop was 90. I love old people. I wanted to stop and find out where each of them were going. Or coming from. As I was almost skipping out of the rest area, a truck driver coming up the walk and I exchanged pleasantries. He added over his shoulder as he walked off, "Be careful out there. I can't tell you how many people I've seen run off the road this morning..." My confidence imploded all over my good mood. I slunk back behind the wheel and sat there for a second, fighting some panic that was creeping back in. I took a deep breath and started the car, trying to put out of my head what the nice man had said. Breathe in, breathe out... I was vunerable again, and alone on the road. Except now danger lurked.

I was headed straight for church and I started thinking the best way to get there. I was going over all the possibilities when I saw this ginormous store that sits right by the interstate. Right by that store was a back road that led to church. I had gone that way with my sister over a year ago, but I couldn't really remember exactly how to get to the church. I pulled over at a gas station, typed in the church's address and was there in 10 minutes. Shaved 45 minutes off my commute. Awesome. I was home safely.

So why did I type all that out, other than so you can be impressed with my ability to type in addresses to a GPS and follow directions?

It hit me, as I drove along so carefully following my directions, and here is where is gets really bad, that I didn't treat God's Word like I treated my GPS. The only way to get where I'm going is to follow God's Word, clinging to it, devouring it, meditating on it and begging God for wisdom from it.

I rely on everything else to get me through life-my own limited knowledge, opinions and advice from others, books, people who know more than me (and there's tons of those) and just about everything else in life. What God was asking me is when I'm going to get as desperate for His Word as I was for my phone in a strange place? My phone was the only thing that kept me found and safe. Hello? Cheesy illustration time. Draw all the parallels so we can get this over with.

Just as I was doubting my phone's ability to guide, I doubt God's Word. It doesn't apply, there aren't enough answers, blah, blah, whatever. Just as I glimpsed that tiny sign reassuring me that I was going the right way, God is asking me to turn those things I rely on more than His Word into those tiny, tangible, reassuring signs and still keep my focus on Him.

I read last night about how much of the Bible people read in a day. One guy read 15 chapters a day, fully reading the Bible once a quarter. Oh that got me. I'm studying my way through the Bible, but I don't just pick it up and read it like a book. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so convicted?

Eh, it was revolutionary, and I don't think I'm fully getting across here how deep it was. Maybe that's what happened to all those preachers. It all got lost in the translation.

Two things I have to stop saying...

God is taking me to some pretty crazy places in my life. That's so surprise, I guess. I've blogged about maybe 1/100th of that He's doing, and that's about all He'll let me share for the time being. Let's just say that I'm struggling under the weight of what He's handing me. That's no surprise, either, knowing me.

As I've struggled, I've failed quite a bit. No surprise there either, to me. I've flung myself between the two extremes of absorbing God's mercy and feeling totally useless-a failure. I know what God is calling me to do, and I see where I fail. I can see where my disobedience prevents me from moving ahead with God's plan. I know that God is patient with me, but I also know that He's serious about what He's called me to- My obligations that are impossible to circumvent as a child of God. Things that are completely and utterly unavoidable. Things He demands of me. Things that are required of all believers and things that He's asking specifically of me.

And you know what verse I found myself quoting, both to myself and out loud? Romans 8:1.

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those that love God."

That's a great verse to quote when you feel like you're failing at something. Right?

Well, the sweet Holy Spirit whispered to me one day that I wasn't exactly quoting that verse correctly. Just like with the "where two or more are gathered in His name" verse, I had been using Romans 8:1 to suit my own purposes. Excusing my failures with a quick, "Well Romans 8:1 says I'm not condemned because of my sin."

Duh. I can almost hear the Holy Spirit rolling His eyes. Why is He so patient with me? He asked me to take that verse apart. Word by word. Why does it start out with "Therefore"? Oh, because Paul writes Romans 1-7, and then says, "Okay, now that you have all that, take this into consideration." Opps, yeah. I haven't read Romans 1-7 in awhile. I'm studying the Old Testament, remember? It's like coming in on the middle of a conversation. I was just jumping into the middle of a book and grabbing out a verse that made me feel better. Huh.

Then there's the whole "condemnation" part of the verse. What does it mean to be condemned? The Greek word, because I love this geeky stuff so very much, is κατάκριμα, which means to give judgement against. In other words, I'm not condemned because God saved me from my sins through a trip to the cross. I know I'm not condemned for my sins. I knew that the moment I received Christ and believed in and put my faith in the Gospel.

So what I was telling myself that I wasn't really held accountable for my sins, when what that verse actually means is that I'm not going to hell for my sins.

The Holy Spirit very plainly told me that Jesus didn't die on the cross so I could quote Romans 8:1. He died on the cross so that I could be absolved from my sins that I repented from. But God wants me to take my sin very seriously. God wants me to weep over my sin, because it was that sin that put Jesus on the cross in the first place. He wants me to stop offering Him excuses for the ways that I fail to obey Him and His Word. And there WILL be a day of judgement where I will have to answer for words I've spoken, and I feel quite sure for some other ways I've grieved the Holy Spirit.

The things I'm learning are hard, difficult and not in any way comfortable. But the irony is, that following Romans 8:1 is a beautiful chapter, my second favorite to Isaiah 40, full of encouragement and hope. If I read Romans 8:2-39 more often, I wouldn't feel the need to misquote Romans 8:1.

So not condemned, but accountable. Forgiven, but accountable. Given much and required much of.

Which leads me to the next thing I have to stop saying.

"It's all about balance."

This is my other cop-out for ways that I fail God. I read His Word, hear His voice and then think, "Well, it's really all about balance."

Really?

God challenged me to show Him where in the Word He ordered me to live a balanced life. And who else lived a balanced life? Did Jesus? Paul? The disciples? No. They didn't. And I wanted to find someone who kinda struck a balance. So God asked me what striking a balance looked like.

So I thought balance looked something like not going to far one way or another. Just staying right in the middle. The comfortable middle. You know, not being a fanatic and not being apathetic. Balancing His word with my modern outlook on things. Applying the Word to my American way of living and doing things.

Oh wait. Huh. That's not what being balanced it. Let me try that again.

Being balanced is just using common sense when you're trying to figure something out. That's better. Not going off the deep end. You know, not scaring people with your craziness.

But the more I read the Bible, in it Jesus just tells me how to live. It doesn't match up with what the world thinks is normal, and it certainly wouldn't make any sense to them. And you know what? It's not balanced. At all.

It's all out, sold out, non compromising, non apologetic, pure devotion to the sovereign Lord who wants to be the only thing I'm passionate about in my whole life. He tells me over and over again to obey and love Him with my WHOLE heart. Not a balanced part of my heart. Not a rational part of my heart. With reckless abandon. Flinging my self whole hearted into God's will for my life with no hesitation and no compromise.

Is it easy? Probably is for some. Not for me. I hesitate at every turn, second guessing myself and God too. I'm working through that. I don't have this part all figured out yet, but I do know that God has not called me to be balanced in any area of my life that concerns Him. And if I was true to that, it would probably take care of the areas in my life that are balanced that don't need to be.

And the cliche verse that keeps ringing in my head is in Revelations 3:

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot.

So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.

Maybe being lukewarm isn't the same as being balanced, but God has been using this verse as a warning in my head anyway.

So now my prayer is to make me grievous over my sin and keep me from being balanced. Not two very easy things for me to pray. My flesh screams at them, actually. Thanks be to God who is going a great work in me. ~ I pray He keeps at it, with all that loving grace and patience. And with the harsh, harsh reality that He has called me to.

Veteran's Day

We were very excited about the Veteran's Day Parade. We headed down to McWane to park in their deck and see the parade from there. We also got to play a bit before the parade started. We were excited to check out this turtle up close, since we had learned about them in school that week.

I love their little profiles on the wall. They remind me of those old profile pictures people used to do when I was a little girl...

We found a new thing that Zane is afraid of.... horses.

See? He's hiding behind mama....

Whew! It was a long parade (2 hours) but it was wonderful. It was a day of remembrance and thanks for me. There are so very many things I dislike about our country, but those who have and will continue to fight on behalf of our country are such heroes to me, and I am truly indebted to them for their service.

I was also missing my sweet friend Michelle who is in the middle of yet another move with her military family. What these families sacrifice and the lives they lead are truly awe inspiring. I pray for them all so very much.