Worshiping together?

In our church, the kids are not only allowed to come to "big church" from the time they are born, once they hit kindergarten, they have to come to big church.

I remember when we were visiting, in the midst of all of my complaints about having to attend this church was the fact that my kindergarten and up kids would be joining me in big church. I so very wisely and kindly commented to my friend as we discussed this, "I don't like that..." 

You see, as a round-the-clock homeschool mom, I had dreams of sitting in a seat amongst other adults with my husband, dressed not in sweat shorts and a tee and cute shoes (most important) with hair and makeup done, devoting all my brain cells to the sermon being taught. 

When I heard that the kids came to church, all that came to a mental screeching halt. 

Oh, great...

And even though the baby was only 18 months old at the time, the thought of that one being in big church with us was enough to fill me with waves of fear and trepidation. 

Of course, we joined the church, because that's what happens when I stomp my foot and tell God what I will and won't do. I also began to see that along with all of my other silly notions about why this church wasn't for me, I was wrong about the kids not being in church with us. There were plenty of beneficial reasons why they should be.

But sure. The older two were the easy ones. Well, at lease when it came to church behavior.  

I was still trying not to think about the baby kid. 

The time was now quickly approaching. It was nearly here. He had to come to church with us.

Unfortunately one of the few only other times he had been to big church was Christmas Eve, which is a fraction of our usual hour and a half long service. So imagine his surprise when, two weeks ago, we attended the first real worship service as a family. He wanted to sit on the front row, and so kindly reminded me that when we attended the Easter service, and he had wanted to sit on the front row, I had dismissed him with a, "not this time, but next time..."

It was now the "next time." 

Have I mentioned the kid has a memory like a steel trap?

Hubs and the girl kid kindly refused to join us on the front row, and instead chose to sit a couple of rows back in our usual spot with Mimi.

So there we were. 

He did fine, until about 20 minutes into the sermon. 

"IS IT DONE YET?" he staged whispered to me.

"No. Shhhh," I whispered back. 

He eyed me suspiciously. I knew this was about to all go down hill.

He waited 5 more minutes and stage whispered, "IS HE ALMOST DONE?"

Did I mention we were sitting on the front row?

It wasn't pretty. 

Thankfully we made it through the service (barely) and in midst of my seething fury, the Holy Spirit stage whispered to me, "WELL, YOU REALLY DIDN'T GET HIM READY FOR THIS..."

I crumpled inside, realized I had failed my kid parentally yet again.

Of course I had packed him a Bible, his notebook, a pen and a few markers, but I hadn't taken the time to explain to him anything or tell him anything about the service or the reason we go or what we were doing or what other around us were doing or anything.

Remind me again why we don't need a license to get a kid? 

We came home, and I swam out of my guilt long enough to go search through my bookshelf for a book that our kind children's minister at our last church recommended to me. It was dusty, and as I held it in my hand, I felt such sorrow in how I had failed my kid. I was too busy and too preoccupied with myself and my own worship experience to prepare my kid for worship.

Not to mention I never really prepared the other two. I just always took advantage of their usual good church behavior. 

*sigh*

So I opened this book and was flooded with all that I should have done.

Ah, but there is parenting grace. Tons of it. Thankfully. Thank you, Lord.

As I dove into the book, I was thankful that at least I picked it up at this point instead of like... never. 

So here it is:

Parenting in the Pew - Guiding Your Children to Worship

I really think this book should be required reading for all parents who take their kids to church. It's really blowing me away. I have laughed, cried, been hugely convicted and thanked the Lord for it. 

Then today, lo and behold, I was doing some quick reading before starting dinner, and this popped up:

Worship Together

Big Church for Small Kids 

The blog posts and the book don't line up perfectly, but they do make a lot of the same points.

And of course I geek out when something I'm doing on my own gets reinforced with something online. It's just sweet confirmation from a kind God who never ceases to show me that He wants to be involved with everything we struggle with. I forget to take seemingly small things to Him, but I feel the tug of Him saying, "Bring it all to me. Nothing is too small. Nothing..."

And quite honestly how huge is how I lead my children in WORSHIP before a living, Holy, wild, untamed, yet compassionate and tender God?

Why did I let this be an issue of behavior and not see it for what it really is?

Oh me. I'm so very thankful for these kids the Lord has entrusted me with. Their patience with me is an inspiration.

I'm begging the Lord to stage whisper to me before I make a huge blunder like this next time. He'll do that, you know...

Another church post

Our search for a church was a hard one. I had a list of things I wanted in a church. (I'm just going to present all these facts like they are and not apologize for any of them. It's the new me.)

Here was my list:

1. Close to home and in my community
2. Not Baptist
3. Not too big. Or a smallish church, really
4. Good kid's program
5. Good music

There is probably more, like some parking lot nonsense or something equally as stupid. 

*sigh*

I didn't know much about our (now) church when we started looking for a church. Matter of fact, my sweet friend kept telling me to listen to this pastor's podcasts, but I didn't even know what a podcast was, much less have any desire to listen to one. She mentioned this one particular sermon I needed to listen to, and I kept ignoring her (which I never, ever do typically *ahem*) until...

The sermon she kept telling me to listen to was one about moral failure in the church.  I didn't want to listen for a long time. Our last church had struggled with this very issue, and finally I guess I just decided to give in and listen.

I mean, what could it hurt?

So I flipped on the computer and found the link. The screen came alive and for a few minutes I thought I had the wrong church. The guy I was looking at looked about 20. Maybe. I finally figured out that I was at the right place, and I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. "I'll give it 10 minutes." I didn't think I'd need much more than that.

Remember, I'm just offering facts here, right?

I think it was at about the 7 minute mark where I uncrossed my arms, sat up in my chair and stopped giving this guy the stink eye. 

I rewound back to the beginning of the sermon, opened up my notebook and proceeded to take about 5 pages of notes. Maybe more. (I still have them, somewhere.)

I think something in my heart got hopeful that night. I got encouraged about the search for our next church. 

But I didn't want to go to this guy's church. It was big, far away, and in a community much different than my own. I had my list, remember?

When we started the actual church search, I told my husband that I wanted to go check this church out. I just needed to see this guy in action. I think I wondered if it was all real. If he was sincere. I thought if I could see it all in person, then I would know. I needed to see the building, the people, the worship and the way it all worked. I was just curious.

But, I reminded my husband, "I do not want to join there." I just wanted to visit.

So we did. We visited. And I wrote this later that day.

I still didn't want to join. Nope.

We visited other churches. We liked some. I wanted to join one.

We went back to this church. We visited again. On the way home, Allen said, "We're joining there."

I choked a little.

What? NO!

"I don't want to join there!" I sputtered. "Are you asking me if I want to join, or are you telling me?"

He shrugged. "We'll attend for a year and then join."

That was that.

But my list. What about my list?

*sigh* 

Oh, fine. 

I thought it was a risky move. But I said, "Fine." And I'm sure I was super kind about it too. :)

Although I am reveling in my solitude, my fatigue has now overtaken everything. There will now be a Part 2 of this epic post. And I'm quite sure that in 4 years, as I'm cleaning this blog up yet again, I'll think to myself, "Gosh, I rambled on forever..." As always.

Church

There is so much going on here. I need a good solid 4 hours alone, let me repeat - in solitude, with my computer to get all this stuff rolling around in my head out.

I say that a lot.

It's not totally my fault. We are in week 3 of an 11 week study on the book of Acts. 

I'm not sure I can do this for 11 weeks. My brain is exhausted.

Then my friend Matt writes this post the other day.

And I realized that 3 years ago tomorrow, I attended my first ever service at our now church. 

There is just a lot here. (Did I already say that?)

I'm trying to clean up and organize my blog, which let me say, is a task that has simply made me want to delete this whole thing. That is a whole other post right there, but goodness. This is a lot of nonsense, is mostly what this is. :)

Anyway.

As I was cleaning things up, I found this post. 

What do I want in a church?

I noticed that I didn't write "At what church does God want me?"

Yeah. The thing about going backwards with this blog is I see how far God has so patiently brought me. And I get ashamed at where I once was. I even blogged about that already (Blue like what?), so I'll just say, "That's where I was, this is where I am, and please, Lord Jesus, take me so much further on."

And He will. (And one day I'm going to look back on these posts and be so very embarrassed. I do realize that!)

But the funny thing is that I love that I wrote that post. The church one up there. Because I get to read that and see what God was getting my heart ready for. That's pretty amazing. 

It's been nearly 3 years since I first set a foot in my church. I've reflected so much on what those past 3 years have looked like. I honestly don't think I could ever really put it into words. 

 And I know my church isn't perfect. Really. I do. 

What I want to do, though, during this sweet little anniversary (because I'm a sentimental sap) is to just spend some time thanking God for leading us there; praying for my church, staff and elders; and for the body of believers that I worship with every Sunday.

(I mean humbly add that I do that anyway, but I want it to be more of a matter of concentrated prayer with celebration added in. If that makes any sense.)

And I'll work on my other church post now, since I have {{gasp}} quiet. And solitude. :)

Wisdom

The sermon last Sunday was on wisdom. I'm not gonna lie, I beg for wisdom all the time. Mostly because I'm desperate to not mess up my kids. But truly I do need wisdom in all areas of my life, and I've seen what God has done in and through me as a result of these fervent prayers. There's so much more I'd love to share, but as usual, someone did it better than I could. 

I would just post the link to the sermon, and I will do that too, but mostly what I hear from people is, "I just don't have an hour to sit and listen to a sermon." That's cool. I get that. Mostly what I think in response is, "That's a shame. You're missing out on some good stuff."

So I thought I'd just post here a part that really just made my heart beat fast. It's so good to hear expressed eloquently what you have experienced in your own life. And I want to have these thoughts nailed down somewhere so that I can reflect on them again. 

"...(Matt. 7) 'Hear my Word, put it into practice and you will be wise'. Guaranteed... The fruit of a right relationship with God is what? Wisdom....Wisdom is the fruit of a right relationship with God. Through Christ we have a right relationship with God. Which means wisdom is flowing here. Jesus is our wisdom. What does that mean? How is Jesus our wisdom? 

1. He gives wisdom to us whenever we ask. 2. Not only does He give it [ wisdom] to us in Christ, He guides us in this wisdom where ever we go... You have in Christ all the treasures of knowledge and wisdom, which means in every single decision you face this week, you have Christ who has all the treasures of knowledge and wisdom in His spirit living in you, guiding you and leading you in everything you're walking through.

You have no reason to be worried. You have no reason to be anxious. And you have no reason to wonder if you're going to make the wrong decision, if you are trusting in Christ, abiding in Christ. He is good... Trust in Christ who is wisdom from God in you... And what we discover is the goal is not an answer to our questions, the goal is intimacy with Jesus Christ himself. It's not about getting to a destination... Christ is the destination. And it's not as much about knowing His will. It's about knowing Christ, and  trusting in Christ, and leaning on Christ, and walking with Christ, and enjoying Christ as our wisdom at every step of the journey that He leads us on."

So here is the link, so that you can listen, you know, when you're walking, or cleaning your kitchen or folding your laundry. :)

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/a-chronicle-of-redemption-part-3-failed-kings-in-a-united-kingdom/

It's the June 6th sermon, "Walking in Wisdom." And I had to leave some stuff out, so go check it out for yourself. I'm thankful for this word and for the God that inspires it. 

Please listen

Maybe you could open the link and play it while you are doing other things on the computer. Please listen. I want to chat with someone about it!

http://brookhills.org/media/files_audio/080629.mp3

Search for a Church Part 2

There wasn't much of a search yesterday. :( Allen was playing at a church in Chelsea, and I knew I was on my on.... again. I didn't feel great by Saturday afternoon, but by Sunday, I felt horrible.

No worries. We all lay around, and watched a local church on television. Laney and I knew most of the worship songs, and that was neat. They sang some old hymns, too, and I love that.

The pastor was interesting. The title of the sermon was "Anxiety" and I've already been able to put it to use. (My sweet friend whose husband is a higher up at the Pelham police department called at 9:15 last night to tell us that two streets over, there was a home invasion where the perpetrator kicked in the door of the home, where the people where at home-awake. It was before 9 o'clock. This same person robbed someone outside of their home in Crosscreek. I couldn't answer the phone because of this blasted cough, so I checked the message at 4:30 this morning. See previous post.)

So, at 4:30 this morning, I was able to run the sermon in my head again. Things are much scarier at 4:30 in the morning, and I was tempted to panic. And be anxious. According to this pastor, "anxiety" is when we unnecessarily stress about things we can't control. "Concern" is where we are proactive in things we can do about a situation that warrants our actions. I'm assuming prayer and praise is the only cure for anxiety. Even on the "Today" show a couple of years ago, they had a guy on there saying that it's physiologically impossible to feel worry or stress while you're being thankful. I translate that spiritually into prayer and praise. It works. Can't worry and sing "I love you Lord" at the same time...

God and I brainstormed. We fixed our alarm today, which we will start using again, and some other little things we can do that I won't bore you with. What it boils down to is that I refuse to live in fear.

"God has not given me a spirit of fear...." and I stand by that. I love too, that he took a sermon, that was taped in July, that I watched at home, on death's doorstep with a blasted fever :) and made it relevant. Quick. He's so cool.

So I did see and hear things I didn't like about this pastor. God and I have been talking about whether this is a good thing or not. Making checklists, you know. This church is not one we even could join, so it's basically irrelevant, but things he did went on my list anyway!!! lol...I'm being open and flexible about this whole thing. Really trying hard. I'm so glad I'm not in charge.

What do I want in a church?

I want a church that shows me how to look and act like Christ. That's all. Maybe it's my fault that I think that's hard to find. Maybe I'm simply the problem.

Maybe our modern churches are just a product of society. Maybe we have to have politics and issues because of the mess we've made of the world. Maybe messed up churches are just a symptom of a messed up world. So where do we go, that's not messed up? Or are we always going to mess it up???

I know that sin makes things not good. I know we aren't going to have perfection on this earth because of sin. I know that nothing is going to be pure and good on this earth, until the new earth comes. I refuse to believe, though, that we can't have a Godly church. I refuse to believe that because we are all sinners that our churches have to be full of sin.

Maybe I am naive. Maybe I'm simplistic. Maybe, and probably, I have absolutely no idea of what I'm speaking. I just want a church full of people that have no interests other than being so very radically and passionately different from the rest of the world. That's who I want to be.

I don't want potlucks. I don't want committees. I don't want to have to wonder what my preacher is making, and whether or not my offering needs to go to the church or my needy neighbor. I don't want to have to go to business meetings or a committee meeting to decide what color the front door needs to be.

My heart is sad. Not because I don't think the church I desire exists, but because I don't know how to find it, and I don't know if I can honestly be a part of it without being part of the problem.