I was talking to someone recently about my quest to learn to run. I have finally, after literally months and months of trying, starting making progress.
I mean like miles and timing myself and everything.
My sister suggested I run a 5K. I went to the website, thought about registering and freaked out.
She suggested that I run a different race in February.
I agreed.
I'm now signed up to run a race in March.
I'm procrastinating.
Part of the problem is that I really do try to "train" in the mornings, but my main goal for being out there every morning isn't actually to exercise. It's more of a prayer closet for me to go into by myself.
Alone time is hard to come by in this house of early risers.
They can't exercise with me, so this became my place to pray and process and talk and argue and learn and cry and worship and wrestle. I wish I knew how many miles I have logged over the years doing this each morning.
I do know I have grown a lot. Praise the Father for that.
In trying to explain all of this to a friend recently, I told her that I do try to run well in the mornings, but I am just as apt to stop to study a bird, take a picture of some clouds or a dandelion, study a bug or random creeping creature or just stop to feel the sun on my face.
It's hard to be serious about timing yourself when all of this is going on.
I recently found these verses in Proverbs 24 and they reminded me of my mornings out in nature:
I passed by the field of the sluggard
And by the vineyard of the man lacking sense,
And behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles;
Its surface was covered with nettles,
And its stone wall was broken down.
When I saw, I reflected upon it;
I looked, and received instruction.
“A little sleep, a little slumber,
A little folding of the hands to rest,”
Then your poverty will come as a robber
And your want like an armed man.
First of all, I'm not out judging my neighbors' yards or calling them "sluggards." But I do so often see something on my "run" and literally learn something right there on the spot. And I am very thankful for this.
One morning I was really wrestling with God's apparent plan for my life at the moment. I was trying to hard to accept this path that He has me on and trust Him.
And I was failing miserably.
We've been here before. God in His infinite patience has walked this road with me more times that I can recount in the recent years. As hard as I try to rest in Him and accept and trust, I usually end up stomping my foot and demanding my way.
This particular morning, I ran past a huge spider web. I kept going but the Lord called me back.
Look at it. Look at the web. Study it...
I did. In wonder and amazement. The morning light reflected off each tiny silk thread and perfectly showed the intricacies and complexity of the design. I ran off and thought a lot about that web. It was a marvelous miracle.
"Now, Lord. Back to my whining..."
The very next day I was running again and lo and behold, I ran past another web. I stopped again and the Lord again pressed upon my heart the urge to study it. I did and even took a few pictures. As I ran off, I uneasily waited for God to show me why I had stopped and studied webs two days in a row in the great classroom of God called nature.
I didn't have to wait long. Out of a swirling presence that reminded me of Job 40, the Lord began asking me one question after another:
Amy, how does that spider know how to spin that web?
Does he pause before he spins each one and ponder whether there might be a better pattern to spin than the one that he instinctively knows how to spin?
Does he try to spin his own version of a web?
Or better yet has he decided after all this time of catching food this way that there is probably a better way to find his dinner?
Does he doubt the One who created the web? Or does he just spin the way he was created to spin?
Does he ever tell Me that his webs aren't good enough and he would rather have some different webs?
Does that spider do what I created him to do?
With each strike of my foot against the pavement and with each question ringing in my heart, I knew that what I was really telling God was that He didn't know what He was doing. I was much more able to plan out my life than He was and as a matter of fact, He had been doing a really terrible job of it all. I could do much better.
Yes, Proverbs, this is called receiving instruction.
I mean like miles and timing myself and everything.
My sister suggested I run a 5K. I went to the website, thought about registering and freaked out.
She suggested that I run a different race in February.
I agreed.
I'm now signed up to run a race in March.
I'm procrastinating.
Part of the problem is that I really do try to "train" in the mornings, but my main goal for being out there every morning isn't actually to exercise. It's more of a prayer closet for me to go into by myself.
Alone time is hard to come by in this house of early risers.
They can't exercise with me, so this became my place to pray and process and talk and argue and learn and cry and worship and wrestle. I wish I knew how many miles I have logged over the years doing this each morning.
I do know I have grown a lot. Praise the Father for that.
In trying to explain all of this to a friend recently, I told her that I do try to run well in the mornings, but I am just as apt to stop to study a bird, take a picture of some clouds or a dandelion, study a bug or random creeping creature or just stop to feel the sun on my face.
It's hard to be serious about timing yourself when all of this is going on.
I recently found these verses in Proverbs 24 and they reminded me of my mornings out in nature:
I passed by the field of the sluggard
And by the vineyard of the man lacking sense,
And behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles;
Its surface was covered with nettles,
And its stone wall was broken down.
When I saw, I reflected upon it;
I looked, and received instruction.
“A little sleep, a little slumber,
A little folding of the hands to rest,”
Then your poverty will come as a robber
And your want like an armed man.
First of all, I'm not out judging my neighbors' yards or calling them "sluggards." But I do so often see something on my "run" and literally learn something right there on the spot. And I am very thankful for this.
One morning I was really wrestling with God's apparent plan for my life at the moment. I was trying to hard to accept this path that He has me on and trust Him.
And I was failing miserably.
We've been here before. God in His infinite patience has walked this road with me more times that I can recount in the recent years. As hard as I try to rest in Him and accept and trust, I usually end up stomping my foot and demanding my way.
This particular morning, I ran past a huge spider web. I kept going but the Lord called me back.
Look at it. Look at the web. Study it...
I did. In wonder and amazement. The morning light reflected off each tiny silk thread and perfectly showed the intricacies and complexity of the design. I ran off and thought a lot about that web. It was a marvelous miracle.
"Now, Lord. Back to my whining..."
The very next day I was running again and lo and behold, I ran past another web. I stopped again and the Lord again pressed upon my heart the urge to study it. I did and even took a few pictures. As I ran off, I uneasily waited for God to show me why I had stopped and studied webs two days in a row in the great classroom of God called nature.
I didn't have to wait long. Out of a swirling presence that reminded me of Job 40, the Lord began asking me one question after another:
Amy, how does that spider know how to spin that web?
Does he pause before he spins each one and ponder whether there might be a better pattern to spin than the one that he instinctively knows how to spin?
Does he try to spin his own version of a web?
Or better yet has he decided after all this time of catching food this way that there is probably a better way to find his dinner?
Does he doubt the One who created the web? Or does he just spin the way he was created to spin?
Does he ever tell Me that his webs aren't good enough and he would rather have some different webs?
Does that spider do what I created him to do?
With each strike of my foot against the pavement and with each question ringing in my heart, I knew that what I was really telling God was that He didn't know what He was doing. I was much more able to plan out my life than He was and as a matter of fact, He had been doing a really terrible job of it all. I could do much better.
Yes, Proverbs, this is called receiving instruction.
I thought again of these things I learned as I drove home today.
There was a time when I carefully constructed every thread of my own life. I controlled and planned and structured everything that was in my control and fretted and worried about what was out of my control.
This was true even as we as a family started out to find a new church, years ago. I had my list and set out to find a church that fit that list.
There was one church in particular that I wanted to visit and I told my husband repeatedly that I didn't want to join, I just wanted to visit. Emphatically, "Not join, just visit. Once." So we did.
Visit.
And that was five years ago tomorrow.
I sat in the floor of a living room today eating lunch with friends that I met at this church. As I reflected on all that God has done in my life these last five years, all the friends He has blessed me with, the way He has grown me, the love and faithfulness and the care He has shown me, I heard the inevitable question...
What if you had gotten your way?
My way would have been a different church.
That was sort of hard to imagine, sitting in the floor of that living room today.
As I ponder the path that God seems to have for me at the moment, I know that He only makes good decisions. I know that He makes no mistakes. No matter how I feel or what I want or how I'd do things, all that matters is that I'm okay with how He's doing things.
My choice of church would have me in a completely different world now. I wiped away tears today as I thought of the people both near and far that I would have missed out on knowing had I had my way. I think of all the blessings I would have missed out on.
This can only serve to reassure me that He does indeed know what He's doing. As He knows the best web for that spider to spin, He knows the best plan for my life. Today looked just exactly has He had always planned it would. Same for tomorrow and the day after that and all the days that will follow.
We do in fact gain trust in His faithfulness when we look back and see all that He has done. I work hard to trust Him as I look forward. This is my challenge. Trust.
Trust for tomorrow.
And the days after that.
And stop spinning my own webs. They never turn out as good as His.
