New Game Plan

My time exercising in the morning is most precious. It enables me to breathe. {figuratively}

I was a little surprised this morning to feel the Spirit urging me to shake things up a bit. 

I have tried to be a runner several times, and while I love most everything about running, I have realized that I am not destined to be a runner. 

Which is fine with me.

But last week I needed to run.

And I did. A lot.

And I sort of loved it again. 

And so today, as I prayed and worshiped, I felt the Lord, dare I say telling me, to alternate running with fast walking up the two hills in my neighborhood.

Huh. 

But I obeyed.

Strength mixed with endurance

I recognized that immediately.

And as I struggle with new levels of faith and trust, I also saw the spiritual implications. 

Strength of faith/trust/hope. Exercising my faith. Working it out, along with my salvation. Feeling it pushed and pulled and stretched and worked out until it's exhausted. 

Strength

Grow my faith.

Make it strong. 

I can't stop thinking about the woman in Matthew 15:21-28.

Her faith was so strong, and Jesus praised her for it. 

Ah, to have my faith praised by Christ...

And endurance

The ability to run this long, hard race. 

We learned Hebrews 12 in song in school a couple of weeks ago. I sing it at the top of my lungs:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

      For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 

Run. 

And then run some more. And keep running. 

And much like most every morning I huff, "This might kill me..." I think the same about this walk with Him. 

But oh, He is faithful. And wise. And perfect. And worthy of complete trust. And faith. And I will yet hope in Him.

And music not only also helps me breathe, it helps me exercise. This is what I am currently addicted to. This album is free. Please get it. 

{I played "Revelator" over and over and over again this morning}

A quick song

 (link: Credit )

I love the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. They are {relatively} clean, fun, fantasy, and have happy memories of sweet girlfriends on rare summer nights away from babies and lives at home.

One of the movies was on television the other night, and I recorded it for those moments when I just want to watch something to turn my brain off before I go to sleep.

Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn't. 

I was sunk down in the bed last night, nose and eyes poked out of the covers, rather wishing I could just stay there indefinitely. The air was turned down, the fan on high, the bed and covers were soft. The priviledge of being in such comfort-safe, not hungry, not hurting- is never lost on me. I was as humanly comfortable as one can be, and appreciative of it too. 

But.

The inside of me was a raging storm.

As I poked my head out, I fumbled to find the remote to the television and flip it on to my movie. I picked up where I had previously left off, which just happened during to be an epic battle between two large ship dueling in the midst of an enormous whirlpool {excuse me. It's called a "maelstrom." And no, I could not have spelled that had my life depended on it.}

There were bullets flying, swords swinging, people yelling, rain pouring, men fighting, waves raging and pounding-war between men enveloped within nature's fury.

I thought, "Hey, that looks like what I feel on the inside..."

{And yes, I embrace my dramatic side. It's that flair that keeps me interesting.}

Or so I tell myself.

Anyway, that is still a pretty good representation of all that was battling in my heart and my mind. 

But then, there he was. 

The bad captain. At the wheel of his ship, happily steering the massive vessel to keep it tottering on the brink of destruction. He would occasionally use his sword to defend himself against an attack, one hand on the wheel, all the while grinning away.

And I thought, 

"Why am I not more like that?"

When the storm starts to roll, the wind picks up, the attack starts, I get a sick, panicky feeling in my stomach and I...

well, that depends on the day. I have a list that I go through. Some good things, most are bad. Fleshly. Temporal.

But why not be like him?

Why not sail through fully confident in Christ? 

Oh, there is so much here I could say, but for once, I'm not. 

That image has stayed with me all day, though. The picture of that silly captain in a silly movie showing me so clearly a picture of a part of why Christ came to die. Not only to fulfill His Father's plan and include us in this grand plan of redemption, but to give me hope in the midst of suffering. 

I will not be surprised at what God uses to teach me. And what He will use to remind me of truth.

Then, as I was cleaning the kitchen, God got a hold of my Pandora. {I love it when He does that.} 

I had never heard this song before. It just resonates what I so desperately want to feel and be during the storm. 

{{I do need to start making my own videos though. The cheesiness of some of these videos kills me. But that's not the point...}}

So that's the song I'm singing today with the image of a dirty pirate at the wheel of a ship about to sink into oblivion - grinning from ear to ear.

Lord, You allow me to smile at the storm. Help my courage be in You.

Free Music

It just so happens that you can get some free music from the band I just posted about, Ascend the Hill, from Noise Trade.

It's free, I said free, and easy.

Go get it and be blessed by it. 

For real.

Noise Trade

More music I'm obsessed with

Go ahead and play that while you read.

First of all, you have to know who Mandi Mapes is. She's an amazing singer/song writer that has a tremendous passion for Christ. Her music has blessed my family and me so much. (You can preview and/or buy her latest album here)

Over Easter weekend, we sang a song that she sort of adapted, and it was this "Hallejuah, What a Savior." It quickly became a sentimental favorite for me, but the words also just stirred up such worship in my heart.

I went online to see if I could find something similar to the version she wrote, and I found this version by a band called "Ascend the Hill." I quickly bought the song and promptly wore it out. 

I mean, I wore. it. out.

I noticed, though, at the end of the song, that it seemed to cut off. I have this thing about hating when songs I love end, and usually can't hit "repeat" quickly enough. I was curious as to what song followed this one, and so I previewed the next song, called "None Compare (Spontaneous Worship)."

As the song played, I found it hard to catch my breath. The beauty of worship swirled around in me, and I reflected on the last few years in my life which have cultivated a most intimate, precious relationship with Him. This song just seemed to sing to Him in a way that my spirit longed to worship, thanking Him for all that He has done in me and hopefully will continue to do. I think that the word "matchless" was what sealed the deal for me. That word wrecks me. Honestly, beside the word "holy" the word "matchless" pretty much sums up God in one word for me. 

Needless to say, I bought the rest of the album without hearing another song, which can be a risky thing to do. Not this time. This whole album is so beautiful. It has invoked and enabled such worship in me, and I have literally sailed through some days that other wise would have slayed me had I not been singing these songs at the top of my lungs.

Because worship saves my life on a daily basis. I'm thankful for the sweet music God has brought me the last few weeks. I rarely let the music stop. Sweet praise...

It's on repeat

 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber...The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 121

All day long
We are sinking just like stones
Into the shadow of your kindness

In this shade
Between the wingspan of your face is
The only place
Where we can bed these burdens down
so I

Lift my eyes up to the hills
Who is gonna help me now

You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope

Tangled up
In the great ridiculous
Way you love
it is the only way to live
There’s no escape
When you look at me that way
Staring like a deer into the headlights of your praises

Lift my eyes up to the hills
Who is gonna help me now

You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope
You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope

And you come like the sun
With pockets full of redemption
And you come
With the sun
With the sun

And you come like the sun
With pockets full of redemption
And you come

With the sun
With the sun

With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun

Music I'm currently obsessed with...

The beauty post is still haunting me. In my avoidance of working on it, I have been avoiding my blog. That means I forgot to post about my favorite new band. We've been playing them on an almost non-stop loop for at least a month now. 

I gotta get that beauty post done.

I tried to get into this band a few times, and I just couldn't. Then one day I was reading this lady's blog, and she had linked a video of them. I was still not hooked, but then a strange thing happened. 

See, sometimes God gets a hold of my iPod, or computer as it was this time. 

I had wandered off to clean something, and suddenly we hear this pretty cool noise coming from the kitchen, where the laptop was. The kids and I all went to investigate what it was, and it was this video:

Image if that suddenly came blasting from your kitchen. I laughed because I didn't play this video. It wasn't even the one she had linked. And I loved it, and it made me love this band, and I got the album and played it over and over again. 

The kids love it too. Zane made me play this particular song repeatedly. 

Then there is one song which has the lyrics:

we cannot keep you in a church
we cannot keep you in a Bible
or it's just another idol to box you in

They remind me of a conversation I've had a couple of times here lately about God not being limited by His Word. His Word is what He gave to us for us, but it's not the end all be all of God. He is not and will not be limited to or by His Word. (and this may be one of those things I'll read in three years and this, "Um, well..."  but I don't care. I've been trying to process this for awhile.) And maybe that's not what this song is even talking about, but I go over this in my head every time I hear the song. Which is a lot here lately. 

I like it when my music not only makes me worship, but it makes me think. 

So, this is my current obsession.

Gungor  

(link)

My Current Obsession

True to form, I get attached to something and wear it out. Currently it's this album by a guy called John Mark McMillan:

The Medicine

This is the song that is currently on repeat:

I love this album so much that I almost don't want to listen to it. If I wear it out, I'll get tired of it and have to put it aside for awhile. So I want to listen to it, and I don't want to listen to it.

Listening to music is probably a normal thing for most people. I'm not sure I have a normal relationship with music. Through my "boot camp" at times when this music would end, I would have a hard time catching my breath.

That's weird. 

I was like that during labor too. During a particularly difficult contraction, it was not unusual for me to yell, and I do mean yell, "TURN UP THE MUSIC! I CAN'T HEAR IT ENOUGH..."

The music was blaring at times. That sweet hospital. They were so very kind. 

But that's not normal. It's not normal to be sad when a song ends only to dash across the kitchen and pound "replay" to make it play again. 

But I'm okay with my musical obsession.

And I'm hoping this guy can quickly crank out another album. Before I wear this one out.

Bizarre

I don't go to iTunes much, but I did today to purchase a song. I've never noticed their "Recommended for You" section. I did today, though.

I was puzzled a bit by their recommendations for me: 

Willie Nelson "On the Road Again" and Santana's "Black Magic Woman"?

(There is no reason at all for that picture, since it's unreadable, but I worked hard to get it there, so I'm leaving it.)

Ah, iTunes, you don't know me at all. There were a couple of songs I might have liked on there, but that's it. 

On a completely unrelated note, I'm considering buying Amos Lee's new album with my (hub's) iTunes gift cards. He doesn't seem to notice when I take the Starbucks or the iTunes gift cards. Merry Christmas to me!

Thank you

I'm not going to lie. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Well, actually, I didn't even want to stay in bed, because there all that was pressing me down was really pressing. So I got up and did what I knew I needed to. I got my Bible. I plowed back in with King David. And I had a feeling that God was about to really just take me where I needed to go.

And boy. did. He. David cried a lot for rescue. And man, who wouldn't? Well, Christ.

John 12:27-28

"...Now My soul as become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name...' "

Good morning, God. I'm awake now.

Okay, Lord, don't rescue me from my circumstances. Teach me from them. Glorify You through me through them. The circumstances, I mean.

And God sent me straight back to Hebrews 6:11-12:

"...And we desire that each of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you will not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises..."

David got tired. He got weak. He made decisions out of that desperation.

1 Samuel 27:1

"Then David said to himself, "Now I will perish one day by the hand of Saul. There is nothing better for me than to escape into the land of the Philistines. Saul then will despair of searching for me anymore in all the territory of Israel, and I will escape from his hand."

Then verse 2, "So David arose and crossed over..."

And I feel it. I feel his desperation. I feel his panic. I feel his solitude. We know how it works out. I stand on the side, jumping up and down and saying, "DAVID! Hang on!! You're almost there. Just a few more years. (3 actually) HANG ON. Don't lose faith. Don't run out of patience. Don't do it. Don't go...!"

Don't you know that if David knew he had 3 more years, he could have hung in there? It had been 7 already. He was on the downward slope. But he lost faith. And he lost patience. Oh, sweet David. We all would have too. And we do. I do. I am.

But God had 3 more years of things to teach David. He wasn't through with David yet. God couldn't let David go until He had fully prepared him, so that God could get the glory He deserved but also so that David could do his job as well as God wanted him to. David was in boot camp, and he was trying to get out early. He just couldn't take it anymore.

He really thought Saul was going to get him.

So he made a rash decision outside of God's will. The Philistines? Dude, have you forgotten that you slayed a big one of them not all that long ago? Why go to your enemies?

Why do I? Flee to the temporal comforts that I know aren't good for me? What are my Philistines? Don't make me tell you, because I don't want to.

He thought hiding out with the Philistines would protect him from Saul. I'm feeling him. I get it.

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?" Psalm 13:1-2

When we visited Peavine Falls, I was shocked at how cold the water was. Shockingly cold and refreshing. I wanted to stand under the water fall and feel that icy cold water flow over me. I didn't, but I felt that way this morning. I felt the Spirit pour out over me this Word. It shocked me out of my... oh whatever I was. I was certainly in need of refreshment. Oh boy was I.

Then I grabbed my music and headed out. I have come to desperately need the time with the Lord that I get pounding the pavement of my neighborhood. I need that time, poured out in front of Him. Meditating on His Word. Praying. Being still before Him. Listening to Him.

I wonder if Pandora knows that God is in charge of their play list? Just as He brought me the Word that I needed from David, He sent me a soundtrack for my time with him:

Hillsong - "Salvation is Here"

God above all the world in motion


God above all my hopes and fears


I don't care what the world throws at me now


It's gonna be alright




Hear the sound of the generations


Making loud our freedom song


All in all that the world would know Your name


It's gonna be alright






'Cause I know my God saved the day


And I know His word never fails


And I know my God made a way for me


Salvation is here






God above all the world in motion


God above all my hopes and fears


I don't care what the world throws at me now


It's gonna be alright



'Cause I know my God saved the day

And I know His word never fails


And I know my God made a way for me


Salvation is here



'Cause I know my God saved the day

And I know His word never fails

And I know my God made a way for me

Salvation is here...






Lincoln Brewster - "Amazed"

You dance over me while I am unaware

You sing all around but I never hear the sound








Lord I'm amazed by You

Lord I'm amazed by You

Lord I'm amazed by You

And how You love me





You paint the morning sky with miracles in mind

My hope will always stand

For You hold me in Your hand





How deep how wide

How great is Your love for me



Shawn McDonald - "I Am Nothing"

I am nothing without You

Only a fly upon the wall

Listening in, hoping to find something about You


That will keep me from this fall



And sometimes I catch a glimpse

And my heart begins to beat

Day by day awaken me

You put the wind beneath my feet



I long for the water

That brings life to me

'cause I long for the truth, oh

That sets man free




I am nothing without You

Only the dirt beneath Your nails

My heart is bruised and it's broken

And my soul is very frail






Please give me a reason

I need to name this man

And no longer this broken treason

Only on You I will stand



I long for the water


That brings life to me

'cause I long for the truth, oh

That sets man free




Please mend these broken wings

And take the scales from my eyes

Without You I am nothing

I will not survive




I long for the water


That brings life to me

'cause I long for the truth, oh

That sets man free




Bethany Dillon - "The Kingdom"

It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home

I saw everything collecting dust

It made me hope there was something more

I pour over pages, desperate to find out why

The cripple at your table has what I'm longing to find



Teach me how to hum it

Because I don't know the words yet






Help me see the light

I'm reaching through the fight

Yahweh, show me the Kingdom


Arms open wide

Death swallowed up by life

Yahweh, show me the Kingdom



Why are some women barren

While the wicked's house is full

The stories never seem to end

Give me evidence I'm not alone

You said the weak would be lifted up

But maybe just not yet

So while I wait in this flesh and blood

I'll learn to lean in



Help me see the light

I'm reaching through the fight

Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Arms open wide

Death swallowed up by life

Yahweh, show me the Kingdom




(and there was more.)

Oh, our God is so good. He never leaves nor forsakes us. When He feels so far away, He's there, teaching us, loving us and orchestrating our lives in such a way that we could never, ever even imagine. I have to exercise my faith and my patience while I wait for Him to teach me all that I need to know so that I can be most useful to Him in reaching people for Him and for helping those that already do know Him.

Help me, Lord, not flee to my Philistines. Help me work hard and rest in You. Help me trust You. Help me keep my eyes off my circumstances and keep my eyes on You.

And thank you, Lord, for not ever giving up on me. I would have given up on me long ago. Yet you see in me a heart that wants more than this next breath to serve You. You know my love for You compares to nothing. Nothing even comes close. Help me live that out in every single area of my life, while I'm waiting for you.

*and on another related note, I'm eschewing all things internet related for this week. And maybe longer. Except for this blog. So if you need me, text me. Or be really 1970's and call me. :)

And here's what we're listening to right now:

My favorite song of the moment

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change

Embracing Accusation

This song was sung in church on Sunday. I can't express what my soul felt.

My head is going to explode

I am so overwhelmed right now! Mentally, physically, just the whole ball of wax. It's all good, though. I've learned so much this week, I think I'll just.... explode.

Hopefully it will all eek it's way here, but I'll have to sort it all out first!

This song just sums things up for me. I am praying a special blessing on David Crowder's life, because of the blessing I receive because of him. This song just ushers me straight to the throne, where I worship in awe. I wish you could listen to it, but this is the next best thing, since I am too tired to figure out how to get the actual song on here:


How Great

I'm so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of something large
While standing here, so close to You
We could be consumed
What a glorious day

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to Your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide
So sweet this surrender

CHORUS:How great Your love for us
How great our love for You
That grace could cover us
How great Your love

How marvelous, how brilliantly
Luminous, You shine on me
And who can fail to give You awe
To fear You, God, so sovereign and strong

What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
Glorious day