Pay me my money!

My nephew taught a 3 year old Zane to say that, and he spent a week going around holding out his hand, yelling at us, "Pay me my money!" It was funny while it lasted, which thankfully, wasn't long.

I've struggled with this whole allowance thing for awhile. Poor Laney. I kept putting it off with her, saying, "I'll get to it. Not yet. Hang in there. I'll get to it..." for years. I wanted to get that whole thing going, but just couldn't figure out what my hold up was.

Finally my sweet girl asked me yet again, and I knew it was time to figure it out. I asked for opinions on Facebook, (hush) and the responses I got were varied and pretty passionate (but totally kind). Seems like money, politics and religion are always things that get people chatting. I liked the responses, and really read and thought about them all, but sadly, nothing there really struck a chord with me. 

I knew without a doubt that I didn't want allowance and chores connected at all. A long time ago, a super wise lady said, "Helping families help each other." Want to ask my kids how many times I quote that to them? My kids do things around the house for the benefit of us all, to honor and glorify God and to show Him that we are thankful and care for what He has blessed us with. (This is hugely convicting to me as I plan my own housekeeping schedule for the school year. How can I teach this to my kids when the house is a wreck?) 

My kids are getting more responsibilities this school year. And it's going to stretch them. But honestly I do need help, and they can step up. I'm careful to thank them and give them appropriate praise, but I don't reward chores. (Or good behavior. I'm so passionate about that. We all obey rules, as unto God, and your reward is the knowledge that you are obeying the most Holy God. No M&M charts here.) 

The one exception is when my kids have twice raised money for mission projects. Then I gave them chores that were usually my chores as a way to earn money. That was great on some many levels. They didn't keep the money, and I got help! But I was not going to do that for usual chores. I knew that. 

Then I thought, in that vein, since my kids liked that, maybe we could have a standing mission project to raise money for. I even considered letting the kids take responsibility for the Compassion Kids we already sponsor for the each of them. They pray for them and write them letters, so why let not let them take over that responsibility?  I don't have a good peace about that, for what ever reason. Maybe I don't want them to resent those kids for "making" them have to do extra chores? I don't know. Still kicking that around.

I also couldn't get around the fact that I wasn't comfortable with the concept of an allowance in the first place. 

I had to ask myself a question. "Why do they need an allowance?"

The resounding response from others has been, "So they can learn to manage their money." 

Really? They need money? 

Uh oh. This is going to get ugly, but as I pondered this endlessly, I couldn't get past that issue. Why give kids money? So they learn to give, spend and save. 

*sigh* 

Okay. I want my kids to give. That's the only stinking reason I can find within my self for earning money. To give it away. (The first person that says the word "shoes" gets punched in the face.) And to care for your family, obviously. But that's the point. The kids don't have to take care of themselves. We do that for them. They do give. They love to give. Really. So I don't want to mess with that.

Spend? Nope. I want to delay as long as possible the correlation that money is meant to be acquired so that it can be spent on tangible goods for ones self. Now I fully get the irony here. I am the WORST at that. Really. Even with Zane's birthday, he got money and we spent it on him. And I know it was his birthday and the givers of that money wanted him to do that. But nowhere did I say, "Hey, buddy, why don't we share this money with Bayan?"  (his Compassion Kid) Why didn't I do that? Because I still have SO much here to learn. Because I'm still trying to undo years and years of bad behavior with money. 

The only reason I can see for my kids getting money to spend is to spend it on "stuff" they want. I hate that. They have enough stuff. (Don't remind me I have enough shoes. I'm sensitive. I might cry.) And we do buy them "stuff" occasionally, but honestly they rarely ask for it. (Okay, fine. When they go to Target, it's like they've never EVER seen a toy, and the purchase of a toy is all that stands between them and certain death. Mainly the little one, but all of them to a degree. And we do love the Dollar Spot. *sigh*) I try to limit commercials to try to help with this. I don't know. We do talk so much about stuff and how we just don't need any more. 

Ugh. I'm getting bogged down just trying to get all that out.

Save. Here's where the firestorm will start. I hate saving. I have for years. And years. Yes, we do have two savings accounts. And one of them recently got wiped out due to Laney's curriculum and "the weekend." (And the other is in danger at the present time also.) And yes, that makes makes me panic a bit, which further shows me that I'm not fully dependent on Christ. But I don't save for college. (They'll get scholarships or work to pay for their own college. If I were a millionaire, that would still be the case. I have about 15 reasons for that, if you're interested.) We don't save for retirement. Is God going to stop providing for me at some miraculous age? (That's a whole other post too...)  I just can't find a scriptural reason to save tons of money. (The "being a good steward" doesn't cut it with me.) Especially when you're 6. Unless you want to save it up and then give it all away.

Good grief.

I'm not even making sense to myself. :)

So I bounced all this around in my head. And I wanted so badly to hear another human say, "Oh, I agree." Because I'm weak and selfish that way. 

And then it happened. 

I was talking to a friend whose upbringing I really respect. I asked her about allowances when she was growing up and she responded, "Oh, we didn't get allowances. We didn't need them." I squealed, at least on the inside. (I didn't want to scare her.) She elaborated and literally expressed everything I had been thinking in my head.

Now I totally get the danger of searching out people who just back up what you are already thinking, but honestly, that's not my MO. I absolutely love finding someone who thinks differently than me, and then arguing the heck out of a subject, so I can learn. (Don't I sound like the most magnificent friend? No, I don't do this all the time. Just with the people who will play with me this way. I do like to talk about things my friends and I agree on, but not as much:) ) 

In this instance, though, it was the Holy Spirit that had put these things deep in me, and because they seemed so much to go against the norm, I really wanted someone to echo what I was feeling on the inside, purely for selfish reasons. And I feel good about all of this now. No allowances.

When my kids do "need" money, I'll be there, to help them. When they get jobs, and responsibilities, I'll teach them. It won't be "too late." And here's my conviction. Where there is privilege and no responsibility, disaster occurs.  Being given money is a privilege, especially if you look around our world and see the poverty in it. Why were we born in this prosperous country? Why will my kids not know hunger or thirst? Why will they never be with out health care? Why will they never really want for any basic necessity? It's a privilege to have money, and until my kids can fully grasp that concept, they won't manage any money. 

I'm so desperate to raise children who solely have the thoughts and will of God in their hearts. In the midst of a country full of capitalism and the pursuit of the dollar and the white picket fence, I want my kids to get it. Really get it. And until they are fully ready to get it, I'l teach them, from the Word and the Spirit, about money, without having actual money. Does it seem weird and hard? Yes. Have you met Jesus? Do any of His ways seem easy? No. And I'm glad.

Am I preaching to myself here? yes. (WHO keeps saying the word "shoes" to me? Stop it!) I'm so horrible at this. And I'm begging God to continue to reform me in this area. Begging. And He is. 

Really, it's no big deal that I don't, and won't, give my kids an allowance. It's just another way where God as said to ME and ME alone to do this. If God is telling you to give your kids $20 a week, then rock on with that obedience to Him. We are each raising radically different children, and our Father is teaching us how to raise those kids, so we walk in obedience to that Voice. Each one of us. That's why our parenting styles look so differently from each other. Our kids are unique. Apart from what Scripture instructs all of us, what we do with and for our kids is as weird as our own kids are. (Mine are super weird.) That's why you can't compare or contrast. That's why we keep our eyes on Christ and walk in obedience to what HE says, even when it looks so SO different from what others are doing or what the world is doing.

Whew. I feel better. I felt like I needed to justify to the world why my kids don't get an allowance. :) Very simply, it's because God said so. For us. 

And I didn't buy any shoes this week. So there.