That chick really bugs me

Have you ever been in church and looked over and seen her? You know who she is. She's standing there, innocently enough. She's absolutely put together, no hair out of place, clothes just right. It's obvious that she's hasn't struggled with 15 extra pounds that have lingered since the birth of her last child-the child that is now 3 years old. She looks well rested and very put together. She is standing happily beside her husband, and it's very evident that he adores her. Probably because she didn't yell at her husband that if he didn't hurry up, they were going to be late to church and she wasn't going to get her preferred seat in church. (Sure enough, they were 2.7 minutes late...) Her children are there too, perfectly matched. Her son does not have on his red Cars sock with his Spider Man tennis shoes, blue shorts and pink and blue plaid button down dress shirt. Her children don't appear to insist on dressing themselves. Their faces are clean, their hair brushed. They are all smiling and happy to be in church, not passing notes, not poking her, asking her when it's going to be over or trying the bathroom trick one more time. You can even go so far as to guess that her house is neat and clean, she cooks only healthy, nutritious food, and she never wastes time on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or whatever...

Ugh. A modern day Super Woman. I am so not her. Obviously.

I always kinda feel that way about the Proverbs 31 woman too. I mean why did Solomon stick her at the end of this amazing book on wisdom? Why did she get to end the whole book? Just to make me feel crappy about my short comings?

I read this text again recently, and through my usual groanings about this amazing woman, a verse jumped out at me. I've read it a hundred times, but I guess because of where I am in my life, it really jumped off the page and slapped me in the face. Oh, here it is...

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

Oh come on!!! Really? She laughs at the years to come? You mean

THIS CHICK WOULDN'T EVER DYE HER GRAY HAIR?????

*sigh* Okay, maybe this isn't exactly what Solomon meant. Maybe he's not referring to her actual looks, or the fact that she's getting old. Maybe only because where I am in my life did I interpret it this way.

But I did interpret it that way. Boy did I. I have gray hair. Lots of it. I have wrinkles, which have only recently started to bother me. I'm getting that rooster neck. Stop laughing- I AM. I saw it in the rear view mirror in the van and I almost cried! I still can't get rid of these stupid extra pounds ( I KNOW you're tired of hearing about them. I'm tired of carrying them around!) and things are sagging that have never sagged this much before. (I don't think I have a single solitary male reader, but if I ever did, I think that probably just sent them running for the hills never to return.)

I mean come on. I'm only 37 (choke) and I'm falling apart. It's not supposed to be like this for at least 3 more years. My mom and grandmothers didn't go gray until well in their 40's. What the heck is going on? (coughcoughzanecoughcough)

So anyway, I have had some time to reflect on these issues, and there are some tough questions to be asked. Why do I care so much about the way I look? There is a difference in presenting a proper appearance and trying to recapture the looks of your 20's. I don't want to look 20 again, but dang it if I don't want to look 40 yet.

Okay, so enough about the outside. This is really a heart issue. If I wore very out of fashion clothes, had tons of frizzy gray hair and wore no makeup, God would still adore me, right? So the hang up is mine.

Where is the healthy boundary with caring about how you look, but not caring how you look? I ain't gonna lie. I got me some henna upstairs right now, and tonight, I'm washing this gray out of my hair. I'm even going to give myself a mani and a pedi. When I could be doing Bible study.

See my dilemma?

Okay, here's all I got so far. I need to want to care for the poor, sick and needy more than I want to buy myself a new pair of shoes at Target. I need to be more concerned about my tongue and what it wags than I care that I have a new studded bracelet to participate in the stud trend for fall. I need to care more about the thoughts that are in my head than the gray hair that sits on top of that brain. I need to be more concerned with doing good with my body than caring how many extra pounds are on said body.

Or maybe it's all or nothing. Maybe we are products of our society that says you are only valuable if you are beautiful. Maybe I am so insecure in myself that I figure if I'm half way decent looking, people will like me based on that and not what's inside.Maybe I am so damaged that I need the admiration from complete and total strangers based on looks alone. All of this is humbling and terrifying to think about. Maybe I'm more concerned about what's on the outside because allowing God to work on the inside is at times excruciating. Maybe I'm afraid He'll ask me to put away my henna and my cute clothes. Maybe I think if I study His Word enough, He'll let me keep my vanity.

Gross. Usually I can blog some of this stuff and get it worked out, but honestly I think this is something that He and I are going to have to hash out. I think it's awesome that I'm having to let go of some of this due to the aging process. We have all seen those ladies who are older, yet dress like their daughters and look rather ridiculous. I don't want to be her, I promise.

I want to age gracefully. I want to not care what I look like. I want to honor God with my life, and do that without caring that time has marched across my face. And my rear.

*I* want to laugh at the years to come. Whether or not that's what Solomon meant.

Oh, and as to why he ended this book with this chapter, I thought this was pretty cool. (Some faiths don't want to spell out God's name, so they do a number of different things. I have seen it written G_d before, and this lady prefers to write it a different way. Don't let that distract you from her perspective. It's an interesting one...)

"I’ve always wondered why Proverbs 31 ended with this poem about this woman. So have others. It seems odd. And after all the focus on wisdom and gaining it, why does this book end with a woman going about her mundane daily activities? Part of the answer to this in how the Jewish sages defined wisdom. Wisdom was not just knowledge gained for knowledge’s sake. Wisdom was knowledge that was to be applied to everyday life. In the Bible Godde created the world and set boundaries and laws to govern what Godde created. Wisdom sought to define those boundaries and apply those laws to their daily lives. This woman is living wisdom."

link:http://www.shawnaatteberry.com/

I want to live wisdom. Oh, Lord, help me to live wisdom. Then I'll know what to do about all the other stuff.

(disclaimer: this post has absolutely nothing to do with anyone who dyes their own hair. And I'm talking to you, you that knows who you are;) )