I promise that I don't watch "Friends" anymore, and haven't for years. Unfortunately I can't get all the one liners out of my head and they pop up again and again. I remember the episode where they were having a New Year's Eve party, and a lot was going wrong and everyone was really down and sad at the party. They couldn't' wait for Monica's current boyfriend, Fun Bobby, to get there. Bobby was always... well, fun. Made things fun. Made people laugh. When Bobby did show up, he was sad. His grandmother (grandfather?) had died and he was sobbing. He was NOT Fun Bobby. And he didn't help the party any by sobbing through it.
Oh fine. Here, it's clean. Relive those 90's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gcQqMn4yLc
Lately I have felt like NOT Fun Amy. I don't laugh a whole lot. I'm quickly losing my "Funniest Facebook Status Updater" award. (Wait. I didn't win that? What, nobody has noticed that I'm not funny anymore? You mean the world has more to do than notice that I'm not funny anymore? Humph.) I feel a little short with my kids and definitely not having a ball with life. It's just heavy. Oh I miss laughing. I mean I do, some. Laugh, I mean.You can't live in this house and not laugh at these kids. But the laughter is fewer and more far between.
I've been really busy, with school, the kids, the house. Allen has been really really busy, so that means that I'm busier, in general. My sweet precious friends have been really busy too. I don't see them enough. They are doing school, taking care of sick babies, caring for their families, and holding down the fort while their husbands work and take care of their businesses. My blog hasn't been light. No funny pictures or amusing update. (Gag. Those are just for me anyway) My most favorite laugh partner, my husband, has been really busy too. He hasn't been here much, and when he has been, we haven't laughed much. Too tired. Too heavy. (Now before anyone starts wondering, Allen and I are just fine. Really. God is doing wonderful and amazing things in Allen's life too, and we are still each other's most favorite Earthly things. I promise. There, I feel better getting that out.)
But. And this is a big but (no pun intended) there is still joy. And I mean that. Really, I do. Joy is so much different than happiness. Happiness floats in and out of my life quicker than water flows off a duck's back. I'm happy because I got a great movie from the library, then I'm unhappy because fall went away and it's summer again. Happiness is fickle. It's not dependable. It's not trustworthy. It doesn't serve me well. Thanks to my one million hormones, I can get cranky in a flash, for no good reason at. all. I've learned not to try my friend, happiness. I used to chase her with all I had. I was only happy when she was near. I have learned, through some tough years, that she's not actually that good of a friend. I found one much more dear.
Joy. (Waving to my own dear real life Joy. Oh how you sweetly live up to your name...) The Merriam-Webster definition of joy is, "a source or cause of delight." Delight. That means, "extreme satisfaction." So here we go. The "cause" of my "extreme satisfaction" is not my circumstances. It's not my state of well being. It is, of course, the fact that I am a child of the High King. A child of the Creator of the universe. I am bought and paid for by the blood of His Son. I know to Whom I belong. I know where I'm going, and I know how the story ends. How can you ever despair when you know how the story ends?
I love to laugh. And I do laugh. Loudly. (Hush) But becoming more important to me is not so much the laughter, but the constant praise in my heart. Even when things are tough, my heart is singing to the One that I love. I KNOW that the harder things are, the better off I will be. That God is using all of this to make me more like Him. How can I be sorry about that?
I read this week that God uses the man who has been deeply broken. I feel pretty broken by my own weaknesses. I am more aware of my inefficiencies than ever before. And in them I am glad, because now I get to boast in Him. Come on, say it with me. You knew it was coming. (It's coming.) Sweet Paul. Oh how I ache for him with his affliction. Don't you just know how he felt? Can't you just identify with is pain? But thank the Lord for that thing that bugged him nearly to death, because I need to feel his pain. And I can't hear him say too many times, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." It's 2nd Corinthians, of course. But oh to hear Paul say, I am CONTENT with it all. I am CONTENT with the heaviness. Oh dear Paul. He really did have it figured out, didn't he? And did you see that list? It wasn't just one thing that had him down. Goodness.
I know some people who have it figured out too. Real life people. I know people who are struggling with afflictions that affect every single thing about their life. And they are sweet, joyful and okay with what they have been given, even though there are constant reminders of their struggles. And I love that person more than I can express. I need to be around people like that more. The ones who will tell you in one breath what they are struggling with is real. And hard. And then they will tell you with the next breath how much they love their Jesus. How they want to know Him more. And the whole time, they are just smiling, as if they are telling you that they found the cutest pair of shoes at Target. That's the joy I want.
So I may not be Fun Amy right now, but let me tell you, I am Deeply Touched by the Master Amy. My God has taken me and split me open to the core. He is disassembling me, and putting me back together to get me ready for what is to come. And He is showing me that now matter how hard this life is, one day, when I see Him face to face, I'll be able to tell Him that it was all worth it. And I'll be able to tell Him that looking forward to seeing His face was all the joy that I ever needed.
Oh fine. Here, it's clean. Relive those 90's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gcQqMn4yLc
Lately I have felt like NOT Fun Amy. I don't laugh a whole lot. I'm quickly losing my "Funniest Facebook Status Updater" award. (Wait. I didn't win that? What, nobody has noticed that I'm not funny anymore? You mean the world has more to do than notice that I'm not funny anymore? Humph.) I feel a little short with my kids and definitely not having a ball with life. It's just heavy. Oh I miss laughing. I mean I do, some. Laugh, I mean.You can't live in this house and not laugh at these kids. But the laughter is fewer and more far between.
I've been really busy, with school, the kids, the house. Allen has been really really busy, so that means that I'm busier, in general. My sweet precious friends have been really busy too. I don't see them enough. They are doing school, taking care of sick babies, caring for their families, and holding down the fort while their husbands work and take care of their businesses. My blog hasn't been light. No funny pictures or amusing update. (Gag. Those are just for me anyway) My most favorite laugh partner, my husband, has been really busy too. He hasn't been here much, and when he has been, we haven't laughed much. Too tired. Too heavy. (Now before anyone starts wondering, Allen and I are just fine. Really. God is doing wonderful and amazing things in Allen's life too, and we are still each other's most favorite Earthly things. I promise. There, I feel better getting that out.)
But. And this is a big but (no pun intended) there is still joy. And I mean that. Really, I do. Joy is so much different than happiness. Happiness floats in and out of my life quicker than water flows off a duck's back. I'm happy because I got a great movie from the library, then I'm unhappy because fall went away and it's summer again. Happiness is fickle. It's not dependable. It's not trustworthy. It doesn't serve me well. Thanks to my one million hormones, I can get cranky in a flash, for no good reason at. all. I've learned not to try my friend, happiness. I used to chase her with all I had. I was only happy when she was near. I have learned, through some tough years, that she's not actually that good of a friend. I found one much more dear.
Joy. (Waving to my own dear real life Joy. Oh how you sweetly live up to your name...) The Merriam-Webster definition of joy is, "a source or cause of delight." Delight. That means, "extreme satisfaction." So here we go. The "cause" of my "extreme satisfaction" is not my circumstances. It's not my state of well being. It is, of course, the fact that I am a child of the High King. A child of the Creator of the universe. I am bought and paid for by the blood of His Son. I know to Whom I belong. I know where I'm going, and I know how the story ends. How can you ever despair when you know how the story ends?
I love to laugh. And I do laugh. Loudly. (Hush) But becoming more important to me is not so much the laughter, but the constant praise in my heart. Even when things are tough, my heart is singing to the One that I love. I KNOW that the harder things are, the better off I will be. That God is using all of this to make me more like Him. How can I be sorry about that?
I read this week that God uses the man who has been deeply broken. I feel pretty broken by my own weaknesses. I am more aware of my inefficiencies than ever before. And in them I am glad, because now I get to boast in Him. Come on, say it with me. You knew it was coming. (It's coming.) Sweet Paul. Oh how I ache for him with his affliction. Don't you just know how he felt? Can't you just identify with is pain? But thank the Lord for that thing that bugged him nearly to death, because I need to feel his pain. And I can't hear him say too many times, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." It's 2nd Corinthians, of course. But oh to hear Paul say, I am CONTENT with it all. I am CONTENT with the heaviness. Oh dear Paul. He really did have it figured out, didn't he? And did you see that list? It wasn't just one thing that had him down. Goodness.
I know some people who have it figured out too. Real life people. I know people who are struggling with afflictions that affect every single thing about their life. And they are sweet, joyful and okay with what they have been given, even though there are constant reminders of their struggles. And I love that person more than I can express. I need to be around people like that more. The ones who will tell you in one breath what they are struggling with is real. And hard. And then they will tell you with the next breath how much they love their Jesus. How they want to know Him more. And the whole time, they are just smiling, as if they are telling you that they found the cutest pair of shoes at Target. That's the joy I want.
So I may not be Fun Amy right now, but let me tell you, I am Deeply Touched by the Master Amy. My God has taken me and split me open to the core. He is disassembling me, and putting me back together to get me ready for what is to come. And He is showing me that now matter how hard this life is, one day, when I see Him face to face, I'll be able to tell Him that it was all worth it. And I'll be able to tell Him that looking forward to seeing His face was all the joy that I ever needed.
3 comments:
Yep. Yep, to all of it. :-) Thankful for the Joy, absolutely.
I love how you can write down so much of what I feel and think. I haven't read your blog in a while so I'm sitting here catching up tonight. I miss laughing more too. Life used to seem happier. More fun all around. But as you so wonderfully put it, joy is even better and I'm thankful for the source of that joy...because no one can ever take Him away. It doesn't matter how many stupid choices that others make that effect me..God is still my strength and my shield! And for that, I am joyful. Thanks for sharing!!
I love you!
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