God is...

God is huge.

God is awesome. 

God is enormous.

God is wild. 

God is unpredictable.

God is powerful.

God is in control.

God can do huge things.

God can do awesome things.

God can do things of an enormous magnitute.

God can do wild things.

God can do unpredictable things.

God is powerful.

God is in control of everything that happens to me.

Why is it that I totally and completely believe the first set of things, but not the second set?

It's because of my lack of faith. Something I wrestle with constantly. And I'm getting tired of myself. 

So I'm asking for help. I'm asking Him to  help make me believe Him. There. It helps to see it written down.

Zane

This picture makes me smile, partly just because I had just giving birth to the largest baby I birthed (9.4 pounds) and because I absolutely love those precious moments just after a baby has come. Zane's birth was the hardest in some ways, and the easiest in others. But that's not what

this is about.

Zane. The name just evokes so many different emotions. I ain't gonna lie. I fought for this kid. The irony of how difficult his first two years were for me hit me over and over again. I fought for him, prayed for him. Begged & pleaded for him. Then I thought he was going to be the end of me. Really.

But that's not why I'm here. Quite the opposite, really.

I spent a lot of time processing my thoughts about Zane. Here. It was a hard time. I spent a lot of it with God. Honestly, asking Him what the heck was he trying to teach me.

Okay, enough of that.

The point is, things are good. SO good, now. I mean, I still have a 2 year old, but he's sleeping, and talking. Two things that I really like my kids to do.

He's just amazing. Hilarious. Smart. Cute as all get out. I really and truly see in him this amazing gift. I'm not sure how God is going to hone it for His glory, but I see it already. I am so thankful for him. All the pain, all the desperation, everything we went through is so worth it now. He is a very special gift, and I see now, just a little, why God took me down that path. It's because Zane was at the end of it. I'd do it all again, for him. We have a bond, he and I. I think he knows that he's special. I think all my kids know that... ;)

Only in the South

 

Sunday

 

Wednesday, 3 days later...

Tornadoes, floods, snow, 70's all in one week...OH MY!

Bane of my existence

 

These books mock me. They sit, on my bedside table, and they actually taunt me. I want to read until my eyeballs fall out. I need to be challenged. I want to learn. And I do make the most of my time, really. As I sit here blogging, I feel a twinge of guilt. I also took a look back at my blog the other day, and I rarely post anymore. I miss it, but I just have other things I want to do. There probably is a way to fit it all in, but I haven't figured that out yet.

So I thought I'd blog about my books, since I don't seem to be able to *read* them.

Snow!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Amy is...

Since I have Facebook on the brain, I'm extending my status updates to my life updates. No, not life updates. This is just how my brain is working today:

Amy is...

Listening to one song over and over again all day long. And pondering the meaning of it. And letting the music take me back to days in my life when I got to go see live music, which is where part of my soul still rests. I need music, and I need a certain amount of live music. I love to get lost in it, feel it swirl around me. I find myself needing more and more to get back to the essense of me. Get back to the parts of me that have been pushed aside for so, so long. And I desperately want a voice that would let me be a back up singer. My dream, absolute dream job.

Killing herself cleaning this house, and honestly mad at God that He's calling me to a higher level here. ME-one of the few people I know that actually *like* to clean house, being pushed harder in this area of my life. What the heck?

Pondering theology. Restless and bucking against the time restraints on my study time. Wondering how in the world I've missed some basic, fundamental tenants of my belief system. Wondering why in the world God puts up with me.

Pondering this quote by one of my favorite authors, Ernest Hemmingway, from "A Farewell to Arms:"
"The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."

So excited about this new Beth Moore study. I've prayed blessings over her all day, after watching the introductory video last night. I've missed having Beth in my life, and I'm so blessed and amazed by her. I'm super excited about this study, and thinking about what I've learned so far.

Danced while making dinner. It felt good. I danced while I cleaned the bathroom too. I've danced as much as possible today. I miss dancing too...

Actually fantasized about running today. Granted I was cleaning the shower, which is the job I so vehemently despise as far as housework goes, but still. I felt the stress of the day, of my life, and I just wanted to throw down that scrubbie, tear off the yellow rubber gloves and go run and run and run. I still do...

Praying for the sick, the hurt, the needy and all the people that keep ringing in my head that need God so desperately right now.

Is fully aware that she had not finished the Psalm 23 homework. *sigh*

Is trepidatous about finalizing the joining process for church on Sunday. It's just because I'm a freak.

Is super emotional right now, and ready to be done with that.

Has no desire in the whole world to watch television tonight. I just want to exercise and study. My goodness, I think God just may have done a work here...

Super proud of how hard her kids worked today. Over and beyond what I even knew they were capable of. I'm so proud, especially since they cleaned up messes THEY made...

There. I feel a little better. Why in the world that blogging helps calm my brain down, I'll never know...

Probably offensive, but that's okay

It's making fun of me more than anyone else, so it's all good!

Top Ten Good Things About Our New Depression
By Ken Layne
Mar 23rd 2008 7:25PM
Filed Under:eBush Administration, Economy, Ron Paul, Ken Layne's Outrage


According to the same financial experts who didn't manage to predict the current housing crash/credit crunch recession, the next step in this miserable process will be a full-blown Great Depression.

There are many causes for our new national nightmare, and it's no more fair to say "George W. Bush personally caused the entire catastrophe and ruined America forever" than it's fair to say "George W. Bush personally piloted those jets into the World Trade Center and Pentagon."

The important thing is to prepare for your new life during the New Great Depression, which will probably last at least a dozen years and end with the United States being one of the world's poorest, most-backward nations. But there's a bright side, too!

1. Hunger is a great way to lose weight. Unless you live in some fancy rich place like Manhattan or Santa Monica, you are probably surrounded by fat people. You may even need to lose a bit of weight yourself. Well, dieting is about to get a lot easier! When you have no money for food -- not even Nachos or Pepsi -- you'll be amazed how fast your waist size shrinks.

2. Cut your commute by losing your job. Sick of sitting in traffic for hours every day? Soon we'll all lose our jobs, and the days will suddenly be nothing but relaxation. You'll be amazed how much money you save by simply staying home. There's no need for costly corporate clothes -- not even "business casual" -- and no need to blow $10 a day at that lousy little deli in the office park.

3. Who cares if gas costs $10 a gallon? Through the miracle of unemployment, you'll also save a fortune in gasoline and car maintenance and parking fees and the toll-road pass and Books On Tape and other modern horrors. During the 1930s Great Depression, families could afford to enjoy nice Sunday drives -- often to look and laugh at "Open Houses" -- because it was the only time they used the car at all.

4. And that means healthier air to breathe. Guess what causes all that pollution and the global warming and the greenhouse and whatever? Economic activity, that's what! Now that you've got plenty of time, take a walk out to the woods and watch the squirrels -- it's easy, now that you're fit and relaxed. Those squirrels just screw around all day long, eating whatever falls off the tree, and it doesn't mess up the environment at all. That's what you are now, basically: a benignly useless squirrel.

5. Ron Paul supporters will magically vanish. Tired of those angry Ron Paul people always messing up the Internet and putting their dumb "Re-LOVE-ution" signs everywhere? As soon as they're hungry and cold, they'll be begging the federal government for every kind of assistance. For fun, at the bread line or soup kitchen, yell out "Go Ron Paul!" Everybody will be too weak and hungry to hit you.

6. No more idiot fashions. Sick of suburban goth kids and tattoo-covered store clerks and "bling bling" and American Apparel? We all are. But as the malls close down and the money dries up, "fashion" will be replaced with "the need for some kind of garment." Our formerly fat people will be able to make several plain sets of work clothes from their muu-muus and giant shorts, and only the occasional bit of a "Sean Paul" logo on a farmer's overalls will offer any clue of the embarrassing consumer era that ended for good in 2008.

7. We can't really afford 10 items on this list, so that's it. Remember to stock up on dry beans and canned vegetables!