Zane

This picture makes me smile, partly just because I had just giving birth to the largest baby I birthed (9.4 pounds) and because I absolutely love those precious moments just after a baby has come. Zane's birth was the hardest in some ways, and the easiest in others. But that's not what

this is about.

Zane. The name just evokes so many different emotions. I ain't gonna lie. I fought for this kid. The irony of how difficult his first two years were for me hit me over and over again. I fought for him, prayed for him. Begged & pleaded for him. Then I thought he was going to be the end of me. Really.

But that's not why I'm here. Quite the opposite, really.

I spent a lot of time processing my thoughts about Zane. Here. It was a hard time. I spent a lot of it with God. Honestly, asking Him what the heck was he trying to teach me.

Okay, enough of that.

The point is, things are good. SO good, now. I mean, I still have a 2 year old, but he's sleeping, and talking. Two things that I really like my kids to do.

He's just amazing. Hilarious. Smart. Cute as all get out. I really and truly see in him this amazing gift. I'm not sure how God is going to hone it for His glory, but I see it already. I am so thankful for him. All the pain, all the desperation, everything we went through is so worth it now. He is a very special gift, and I see now, just a little, why God took me down that path. It's because Zane was at the end of it. I'd do it all again, for him. We have a bond, he and I. I think he knows that he's special. I think all my kids know that... ;)