Hard topic

***Edited to add: I sat on this blog post for 12 hours. I have never done that. I sent this to two friends whom I trust to get their opinions because I was so terribly afraid of being misinterpreted or misunderstood. Then I talked it out with another sweet friend.  So I'm tossing it out there. I hope it lands well. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I really don't have time for this right now, but if I don't get this out of my head, it's going to explode.

This is the link that started my head twirling:

Avoid the Appearence of Evil 

  

Oh boy.

First let me say this. I have been a part of a church where infidelity invaded the staff. I can't adequately describe the hurt and betrayal that the church felt. It was horrible.  I have also watched two amazing, Godly women I love dearly suffer at the hand of this wretched sin just recently. It's destroying families. I know this. I see this. I mourn this.

I've always admired Billy Grahams' approach to women. He wouldn't even ride in the elevator alone with a woman. I have always thought that was commendable. 

Until last night, I thought about how it would feel to be that woman with whom Billy Graham wouldn't ride in the elevator with. 

So when I read this last night, I was surprised at the emotions that welled up in me. This list made me sad. It made me paranoid. It made me question. And I hate all of that.

I think why it makes me so sad is because just the simple face that is that you are a woman, you are not going to be ministered to, talked to, addressed directly, encouraged, prayed with, hugged or joked with all because someone may think something is up.

It paints the picture of women being predators, begging some unsuspecting man to fall into her snare. 

It almost punishes the woman for being a woman. 

And I really can get over all of that. Really, I can. I get it.

Here's where I'm stuck. 

It's a heart issue. I think it's apparent that if a man cheats, it's because his heart wants to cheat. He's out of fellowship with Christ and he is looking to cheat. To that end, no list of rules is going to keep you from cheating. If you want to cheat, you're gonna cheat. 

It's like us telling teens, "BE PURE. Don't dally in sexual things."

No no no no no. Don't do that. Don't tell anyone the RULES. Teach them to love Christ passionately. Teach them to read, love, treasure and obey His WORD. Teach them to pray and to praise and to worship and to study. Teach them to listen to and walk by the Spirit's voice. Then the Holy Spirit will so fill their lives and their hearts and their spirits that they won't desire to defile themselves and grievously sin against a Holy God. 

And here's where the danger is. Women start to feel guilty for being women. I find myself wanting to apologize for being a woman. 

If I weren't a woman, I could freely email a staff member. If I weren't a woman, then I wouldn't make someone uncomfortable when we speak, etc etc.

I guess it's feels like this: "If I limit contact with women, I won't commit adultery."

To me, it's liking saying, "If I don't eat, I won't gain weight," 

I have to eat. So let me make good decisions about what I eat based on my heart being right before my God. 

And the whole appearance of evil thing is valid. I get that. I do have a problem or two with that, though.

First of all, if you see a man and a woman talking or riding somewhere together or whatever,  and the first thing you think is, "There's something up with them..." then there's something wrong with you. 

Second of all, if I live my life so that I make so sure I avoid all appearances of evil, or don't make anyone else stumble, I'm doing several things. 1. I'm over estimating my influence over other. 2. I'm removing the power of the Holy Spirit to convict and direct in someone else's life. 3. I'm going to censor or second guess my self constantly, and I really, really hate doing that.

Look, I don't want men to sin. I want them to love their wives and love them well, fully dedicated to her spiritual growth and well being. I want husbands to be the spiritual leaders, guarding and protecting their wives and families. I want them to devote themselves to their wives second only to God. I pray that way for the marriages I know. I am encouraged and inspirited by the beautiful relationships I see around me.

Maybe I have this all wrong. Perhaps these rules are good and wise and really serve their purpose. Maybe they are protecting numerous people from sinning and that is a good thing. Perhaps if these rules prevent one instance of sin then there isn't a discussion at all. They are good and that's the end of it.

I don't know why this hits me hard today. I don't know why I'm struggling. I feel the need to say too that I don't want any liberties that aren't mine. I don't want to talk to someone if it's not appropriate. I don't want to break or bend any rules. I don't want to sin or look like I'm sinning. I don't want to do anything to damage my relationship with my God or my family or my friends. I don't want the freedom to do anything I want to. 

I think I'm just weighing all this out here, and honestly I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It doesn't matter to me if someone doesn't want to minister to me in some way because I'm a woman.  I'm good with that. 

I think I'm just arguing with myself here. And I can do that, since, you know, this is sort of my world and I'm the Queen. :)

And I would also like to say that for the most part, a lot of those rules are common sense. They should be enforced.

Here is another thought provoking look at the same subject:

Anne Jackson's Blog

So I don't know. I don't know what I think. But I do feel like I've emptied my brain of this subject, and I'm glad about that. Whew.