Faith

As I walked the other day, I was pondering my lack of faith. (Again) It's an issue I've wrestled with my whole life, but especially for the last several years. As I talked with my sister the other night, I realized that there were some fundamental reasons that I lack faith in the One I love so much (and in people too.) The conversation is what got me pondering this issue again, and the insight didn't comfort me, necessarily, but more frustrated me. 

Why is it so hard for me to just trust Him?

My thoughts landed on the verse that I turn to so often.

It really starts with Hebrews 12:1 ~

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

Um, yeah. This is a race. Everyday is a race. A mad dash, sprint at the end of a race. A marathon of a bad dash. It feels that way anyhow.

But here's where my thoughts landed that morning, and where they've stayed: Hebrews 12:2~

...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I repeat the "fixing [my] eyes on Jesus" part a lot.

But that day, the Holy Spirit said, "Hey. I am the author and perfecter of your faith. Right?"

OH. Yeah.

Huh.

He whispered, "You have faith because of Me. I am here to help you in that lack of faith. To remind you of your saving faith. To help live strongly in your faith of Me, my love for you and of my promises to you."

Philippians 1:6 perhaps:

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

That's good. 

I don't trust easily, and that extends to God, unfortunately. I'm thankful that He's not going to allow me to rest in distrust of Him or anything to do with Him. If fact, He reminds me that it's sin. Sin against a Holy God. I want to freely love and trust Him, and for me that involves a lot of work. I have to continually make the choice to trust and have simple faith in Him. Yes, that's empowered by the Spirit, and that is what Christ reminded me on that cold morning. My hard, determined work aided and sustained by Him.

He is the perfecter of what I am so bad at. 

And that's really, really good.