Happy Birthday, Laney (Revisited)

Today is my girl's birthday. I have a nine year old. Amazing. 

I wrote the following post in 2007. I cringe a tad as I read it now, and realize that I need to put into practice my "Blue Jazz" way at looking back on my life. It is what it is. This post is still true even if I wish to re-type it and do it differently. But, this is still good, and I wanted to be reminded of it today. (But really? Pink type? Why?)

Happy Birthday, Laney

I'll have pictures later, but I didn't want her birthday to get away without me posting some thoughts. My friends have posted such eloquent tributes to their children on their birthdays, and I wanted to do the same for Laney. Honestly, I can't put into words how I feel about her. Does that make me a bad Mommy? Or a bad Blogger?? Oh well.

6 years ago, at 5:37 p.m. Laney came into the world. Today is her "real" birthday, since she was born on Thanksgiving. I love that she was born that day, because Thanksgiving has always been one my favorite holidays. It was amazing. She wasn't due for 5 more days, and Allen and I had plans, of course. We messed up everyones' Thanksgiving!! 12 people waited for her to be born for 7 hours all smushed into one tiny waiting room. It was crazy.

Allen and I had watched "Legally Blonde" and ate Papa John's the night before she was born. My last night of nothing-to-do-ness. So last night, we ordered Papa John's and were going to watch Legally Blonde, but got busy and didn't. We wanted to recreate that night before she was born. Such sweet memories.

You know, Laney saved my life. I was in a period of pretty heavy self destruction when I got pregnant with her. We weren't ready to have kids. We lived in a 700 square foot rented house in Homewood. I worked between 40 and 80 hours at my job. Allen played in a band all over the Southeast. I wasn't sure if I even wanted kids. I was 28, and really had no plans to start a family.

And there was that test. "Positive." Wow. I'll never forget that feeling. "Things are never going to be the same." And they weren't. {And then intense nausea. (!) }

I honestly don't know how many ways God had tried to get my attention before I got pregnant. Probably a lot. I'm not sure how long He was going to let me go on, being so far from Him. I'm so incredibly thankful that He allowed me to get pregnant, instead of the thousands of other ways I can think of that I would personally bring a disobedient child home. Beating me to a pulp sounds much like what I deserved.

And they way He worked out my job. I was able to ask for, and receive, a demotion (!) to reduce my responsibilities and my hours, but keep my pay. I was able to quit work at 28 weeks, and get full disability. I even got full pay 6 weeks after she was born, even though it was clear that I wasn't coming back. He provided us with a huge- to us back then- house. Everything we needed was provided with ease. Man.

That is God. No time in my life, have I ever felt His provision, His love and His grace more during those 9 months. I was so NOT deserving of any of that. I had spent 8 years, completely oblivious to God, spinning and twirling through my own narcissistic little life.

So when I look at Laney, I don't just see her. I mean, she *is* amazing. I can say that. I'm her mother. She's happy, sweet, smart, devoted, caring, loving, nurturing, determined, thorough, perceptive, gracious, polite, talented, sparkly and just anointed. But when I look at her, I am reminded that she is a gift, and God used her in a way that I can't even describe. I'm sure He would have brought me around one way or another, but He chose her. That never, ever ceases to astound me.

And I don't think she'll ever understand what she did for me. By just being born. I gotta say it again. Man. That is just the coolest thing ever. 
November 22, 2007