This is the superfluous post just to follow up my miserable lament from the other day. If you're short on time, just know that I'm okay and skip the rest.
I think the main problem is that I just fall into believing what I'm told. One of my favorite lines in my favorite song is "The devil is singing over me the same old song; that I'm cursed and gone astray..."
And I start to buy into the lies. Why? Lots of reasons.
But you know what? When I get tired, mostly spiritually tired, I seem to fall prey to those lies. That I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough, and not only that, I'll be more of a detriment than as asset. Ever get frustrated with those Israelites who failed over and over again? Hello, my name is "Israelite."
But, God ever so gently reminded me of all that is good. Of all that He's doing in my life. That I don't have to check off a check list of what's good and acceptable. I don't need to let my people pleasing desire dictate what I do or even desire to do. I need to keep my eyes on Christ and walk in obedience to Him, even when what He's telling me to do looks different than what everyone else is doing. (More so then, even.) And really, probably, not everyone else is even doing what I think "everyone" else is doing. Not that it really matters.
I loved studying Kind David. He's my favorite, I think. Thinking so much about the Goliath story lately gave me new perspective on this time in my life. Yes, David did a great thing in killing Goliath. But you know what? It makes me nervous for him, because this was the event that kicked off approximately 10 really arduous years for David, and I see it coming. Almost as soon as he slashed off Goliath's head, a most difficult time of David's life began. Yes, God used those years to grow David-to train him in all ways-to be King, but I can't imagine fleeing for your life for 10 years. Waiting on God's promise for 10 years.
Like Bart Box said on Sunday, David had God's promise of the kingship, but not the privileges. Can you imagine living in the balance like that for so long? Having the promise but not the privileges?
Imagine it.
How many days did he wake and say, "Today, Lord? Will it come to pass today? Soon, Lord. Please let it be soon..."
I read this morning all the Psalms he wrote during this time. His anguish was palpable. (I so often think of the word "languish" when I think of David. He languished a lot. Bless him.) He really struggled. You can just feel his pain. It's more than pain. It took him to the brink. But at the end of those Psalms, he always ended back where he loved and needed to be, praising God and thanking Him for all He was doing in David's life. Precious praise.
I love David. I think I love him most because of the same reason I hear people say over and over again. He was a man after God's own heart, yet even so, he messed up. Not just once, but more than that. And I'm so thankful for that. And like I learned a while ago, maybe the ones that mess up the most feel God's grace the greatest. Because, you know, we need it more.
So even though I fall over and over again, God is gracious, merciful and much more patient with me than I ever am of myself. What an amazing journey. What a crazy roller coaster journey. And I'm thankful to be on it.
I think the main problem is that I just fall into believing what I'm told. One of my favorite lines in my favorite song is "The devil is singing over me the same old song; that I'm cursed and gone astray..."
And I start to buy into the lies. Why? Lots of reasons.
But you know what? When I get tired, mostly spiritually tired, I seem to fall prey to those lies. That I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough, and not only that, I'll be more of a detriment than as asset. Ever get frustrated with those Israelites who failed over and over again? Hello, my name is "Israelite."
But, God ever so gently reminded me of all that is good. Of all that He's doing in my life. That I don't have to check off a check list of what's good and acceptable. I don't need to let my people pleasing desire dictate what I do or even desire to do. I need to keep my eyes on Christ and walk in obedience to Him, even when what He's telling me to do looks different than what everyone else is doing. (More so then, even.) And really, probably, not everyone else is even doing what I think "everyone" else is doing. Not that it really matters.
I loved studying Kind David. He's my favorite, I think. Thinking so much about the Goliath story lately gave me new perspective on this time in my life. Yes, David did a great thing in killing Goliath. But you know what? It makes me nervous for him, because this was the event that kicked off approximately 10 really arduous years for David, and I see it coming. Almost as soon as he slashed off Goliath's head, a most difficult time of David's life began. Yes, God used those years to grow David-to train him in all ways-to be King, but I can't imagine fleeing for your life for 10 years. Waiting on God's promise for 10 years.
Like Bart Box said on Sunday, David had God's promise of the kingship, but not the privileges. Can you imagine living in the balance like that for so long? Having the promise but not the privileges?
Imagine it.
How many days did he wake and say, "Today, Lord? Will it come to pass today? Soon, Lord. Please let it be soon..."
I read this morning all the Psalms he wrote during this time. His anguish was palpable. (I so often think of the word "languish" when I think of David. He languished a lot. Bless him.) He really struggled. You can just feel his pain. It's more than pain. It took him to the brink. But at the end of those Psalms, he always ended back where he loved and needed to be, praising God and thanking Him for all He was doing in David's life. Precious praise.
I love David. I think I love him most because of the same reason I hear people say over and over again. He was a man after God's own heart, yet even so, he messed up. Not just once, but more than that. And I'm so thankful for that. And like I learned a while ago, maybe the ones that mess up the most feel God's grace the greatest. Because, you know, we need it more.
So even though I fall over and over again, God is gracious, merciful and much more patient with me than I ever am of myself. What an amazing journey. What a crazy roller coaster journey. And I'm thankful to be on it.
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