Suprise

I was rumaging through my bookcase today, looking for something when my hand touched something unfamiliar. It was my old writing notebook. I fell back on the stairs and sat, reading. It was odd, like taking a journey back through my soul. It made me feel odd, reading those words. Where I was in my life then, how I viewed myself and the world. Disconcerting. I decided I needed to cronicle what I had written. Why? I don't know. I'm desperate to learn from my past mistakes, and reading my past will help me not stumble that way again. And as I'm learning from Esther, my past is tied to my destiny. No matter how bad my past was, it doesn't determine my future. My future is secure with God. Thank goodness.

So here's installment One. No laughing. This is scary. Like baring your soul. Ugh. I feel sick to my stomach, but I am forcing myself to do this. I need to own my past, and watch it intermingle with my future.

Expedition

I journeyed

into my mind.
Around thoughts and dreams
into my past, present and hopeful future.
Above my mind are thoughts I cannot attain
-things like infinity and being omnipresent.
Behind my mind are things I push away
-lost loves, lonely days, shattered dreams.
Through my thoughts are intertwined hope
love and peace, my stability
At the places where my mind rests are
Waterfalls, mountains and snow white beaches
-small vacations
Up soar my dreams and aspirations - swirling and
twirling like a child's baloon finally
set free.
To the years ahead when I imagine a home filled
with love, warmth and laughter
With thoughts in my mind - spinning, flowing,
gliding, floating, never ending
spiral of me.

This was for my literature class. The assignment was prepositional poetry. Each line had to begin with a preposition. It was written on April 12, 1994. I had met Allen the week before. We had to publish our work, and I did, dedicating it to Allen. My friend, Jan, who was in my class, commented, "If Allen inspired that, I'd marry him." 


I did.