This homeschool mom might...

The school year looms large, intimidating. 

Long days, short minutes to get it all done, shorter nights to sleep, and a great distance to travel until the next break.

I can't look too far down the calendar or it becomes difficult to breathe.

I might say that, much like motherhood, this is the best and hardest thing I've ever done. 

I might say that just because it's hard doesn't mean that it's not what I'm supposed to do.

I might ask that if I step outside of my resolve not to complain, listen gently and smile. I probably don't need to hear the suggestion to put my kids on the school bus. I probably don't need to hear "this is what you wanted" or "why don't you just send them to school?" I need to be reminded that the God who called me to do this is the God that can enable me to do this.

Because He did. I never really dreamed I'd homeschool our kids. I spent five years getting a degree so that I could teach kids in a PUBLIC school setting. 

Oh, the sweet irony.

I might sigh heavily when I miss coffee with friends that are child free during the week. I might squirm in my chair a little when I think about the ease that a part time job might put in our budget. I might feel left out when play dates happen during the times when we just can't attend. 

I might have to apologize to my husband and to company that comes to the house when it's not as neat and clean as I want to. I may have to apologize for a "quick" dinner, or for having spaghetti, again. I might have to say that I'm sorry that the clean clothes stayed in the basket too long or that I forgot to get the suit to the cleaners. I might have to apologize to my kids' friends when they want to play and we still aren't done with school for the day. They hate to miss playing with friends, and I hate it for them. 

There is a lot of room for humility in the life of a homeschool mom as she confesses over and over again that she simply cannot get it all done. 

I might have to say to the next person that says "Oh, I could never homeschool my children" that yes, you could, if He called you to. I'm not any better or any more patient than any other sort of mom. I am used to my kids being home 24/7, but that's just how we are. I don't know anything else. So not saying that is probably a good thing. 

I do need to hear that there are problems in public school too. I do need to hear that public school moms can't get it all done either. I do need to be reminded that even if my kids go to public school, we'll still have tears at the table over math problems and that I'll still have to convince the middle kid that he loves to read and I'll still have to coax the baby kid to read to me more than one Bob book at a time.

I might need to be reminded to use my time wisely. 

I might need to be reminded that any good thing I do is done as unto the Lord and not for any praise or glory here.

(I mean really, are my kids ever going to cheer at the dinner table because Mom gave up her day to homeschool them?)

This is as much about sanctification for me as it is school for them. 

I have no doubts about that at all.

I am thankful I get to do this. I love being with my kids. They make me laugh and I learn from them and with them.

There are horrible days at our table as we try to get school done. And there are horrible days simply because I don't want to do school that day. There are days that I'm selfish and grumpy and short tempered and prideful and snappy and snarky and tired and weak.

And my kids love me anyway.

And the days they fail, I try to show them as much love as they show me on my bad days. Except they are better at unconditional love than I am. I admit that they are teaching me about that more and more everyday.

And I'm glad.

I'm glad for this whole crazy journey. I'm glad that after five years I'm just as lost and clueless as I was that first day my sweet girl kid and I sat down to do school for the first time. I'll say that I wasn't sure we'd do it more than a year and so far there is no end in sight.

I'll say that's scary.

I'll also confess that I do second guess this decision often. Am I teaching them enough? Am I teaching them well? Am I teaching them what they need to know? Are they going to be weird and awkward and socially inept because they had to sit with me all day every day and learn here at home? Will we make up for the ministry opportunities missed by not being with other kids and parents in a broader setting? Will my friendships endure the lack of care due to my time constraints? Will my husband continue to forgive my being in bed when he gets home from work at 9pm because I'm too tired to stay up much past that? 

I might want to remind myself that this isn't really a big deal. It's just school. As long as I go by the curriculum, they should be fine. 

Hopefully.

I might want to say that the job of being a wife and mother is a beautiful thing. Though undervalued and misunderstood by a large part of our society, it is a sacred privilege. Homeschooling is also.  I might embrace the opportunity to tell people that when they react with less that favorable response after asking where my kids go to school. 

I might even tell people when they jokingly as me where my denim jumper is that the homeschool moms I know are beautiful, hip, fun, hilarious, quick witted, smart, hard working and dress really, really well. 

Okay, that last one isn't true at this house. I wear the clothes I exercise in all day and don't wear makeup and wear my hair in a bun everyday. Except on Sunday. 

I should probably apologize to my husband and kids and anyone else who I see during the week for that.

I might tell people that I don't have time to get snazzy looking every day, but it's worth it. It's all worth it.

I don't have to do this.

I get to do this. 

And come Monday, I'll get to do this for 180 days until I get a break. 

But that's okay.

I might need to remind myself of that.