A new day

I tumbled from the bed wiping sleep from my eyes and smoothing my hair from my face. I fumbled for my glasses and phone, which had offensively woken me with a start. My body wasn't ready to start the day. 

As soon as my feet hit the floor, my brain began to spin. All the things that needed to be done flooded into my mind, like a dam had burst. As the thoughts raced around and around, I gripped a coffee cup and poured into it what I hoped would kick start some sanity.

I opened my Bible, asking the Lord to show and teach through His Word. He was faithful even though my brain fought back with fierce competition - the to do list and offending thoughts battled for my attention.

It was frustrating.

My walk was filled with desperate prayer, complicated thoughts and deep wrestling. Not entirely restful. My body refused to run. In fact I had to push it to even walk at a quick pace. The dog pulled and tugged against her leash. She too wanted to push back this morning. 

I stepped back into the dark warmth of the house, deep in thought over something I was reading on my phone as I walked. I collasped onto the kitchen floor as I tried to process the thoughts that seeped into my already over flowing brain.

As I looked up from my spot on the floor, I heard the phone ringing as I saw a dirty kitchen floor and cabinets in desperate of a good wipe down. 

I sighed deeply.

Around the corner came my middle son. He spoke no words as he saw me on the floor and quietly curled into my lap. I rested my face on his head and breathed. He said in his quite voice, "I love you." 

I closed my eyes to ignore the dirt and waited for the phone to stop ringing. I snuggled him a little closer and said, "I love you too."

I think as a mom, so much of the time I stress myself out. My to do list seems self made, at least in part. I must go to the grocery store today. Must get the suit from the cleaners, work on tax returns, and vacuum the living room...

The list spins on and on. The phone rings and suddenly I have more added to my list for today. More I have to do...

But really? Do I?

What do I have to do today? 

Help me, Lord, see the important, the most important, and just do that. I don't enjoy being overwhelmed and stressed. And I'm quiet sure this doesn't please Him. 

What I don't get done today will wait until tomorrow. And if I have to stay up late and work into the night, then there will be more quiet opportunity to spend time with Him. Right? Even if time is spent working, worship music playing softly will allow my spirit to worship Him even as the rest of me labors more. Right?

I'm desperate to be busy yet glorifying. 

I'm anxious to be productive yet pleasing.

I want to do only what is meant for me to do. 

And I'm asking for the little extra measure of grace that allows me to blog from the overflow of my day while I take a break from school to make lunch.

And to breathe while telling my brain that I'm really not overwhelmed even thought the rest of me might say otherwise.