I am going back through this blog and editing and organizing it to make it easier for me to find things. As I was doing this the other day, I was struck by how much this blog used to chronicle our life. I started it mainly for that purpose. Once I realized I probably was never going to have time to scrap book again, I wanted to have a place to document their childhoods. Then, some how, for some reason, this blog morphed into a place for me to unload my brain. How sad!
My challenge to myself is to start documenting again. The kids love to look at old pictures. They love to read snippets of every day life from when they were little. So I'm going to do better at doing that.
There is certainly enough material around here for that. And my brain is too full to remember all the good stuff that happens.
I love this picture. I love this woman. She represents a plethora of women God has given me to encourage and bless me daily. I do not deserve the love and loyalty they give so freely to me. They put up with me, listen to me, encourage me and challenge me. They care for and love my children, bring meals when I'm sick, and have watched countless movies on my couch. The love and serve, counsel and advise. The commiserate and ponder with me. They laugh oh so much. They have flown to the rescue at a moment's notice and planned in detail sweet surprises. They have been there when I had babies and buried family. They have kept me accountable and disagreed with me on more than one occasion, both of which I'm thankful for. They are wise beyond their years and more fun than I can describe.
I am so thankful for the sweet ladies that walk with me on this journey. I would do it all alone, but I'm so thankful that I don't have to. I don't deserve them, but I love them dearly.
"A bruised reed He will not break, And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice."
I heard this verse spoken by a woman on the brink of destruction. Death even. She uttered it in desperation to God- that He would sustain her as she struggled to find the will to live.
That made my soul heavy.
That was awhile ago. I looked back on that verse with uneasiness. It reminded me of her. Of the real struggles that face us-that threaten to overtake us.
I didn't expect the verse to welcome me this particular morning. The words lept off the page and twirled around me. They didn't offer the expected comfort. They offered condemnation.
Psalm 1 says I should be like "...a tree firmly planted by streams of water...and its leaf does not wither..."
I should be an "...oak of righteousness..." says Isaiah 61.
Not "...like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind." Dear James (1).
I was the opposite of 2 Corinthians - crushed, despairing, feeling nearly destroyed.
Bruised. Nearly crushed.
Slowly, like a warm embrace, came the words, "...He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds..." (Psalm 147:3)
I faltered again. In this long marathon I stumbled and fell. It felt good to lie, curled and still. To rest.
As these thoughts filled my mind this morning, my eye came to rest just a few short verses past the bruised reed:
I am the Lord, I have called you in righteousness, I will also hold you by the hand and watch over you...
It is okay to fall. To fail. To suffer...
I see the intimacy it brings with the One who will not rest until He has finished the good work He has begun in me.
This song found its way to me. That was a sweet blessing:
Facebook is worth itself this week. Trying to wake from my sleepy haze this morning, I was scrolling through status updates and this caught my eye:
( I will admit to not being awake enough to listen to the sweet lady do her thing at the end, so I'm not endorsing anything she said or didn't say!)
The sentiment was comforting, especially in light of another blog post I'm working/resisting working on. I found some amazing and comforting verses:
Psalm 119:133 - Establish [order] my footsteps in your word, and not not let iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 37:23-24 -
The steps of a man are established [ordered] by the Lord, when he delights in His way, though he falls, he will not be cast headlong, for the Lord holds his hand.
Proverbs 16:9 -
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. (You Lord order my steps.)
Jeremiah 10:23 -
I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.
There is sweet comfort in knowing that my steps are ordered by the Lord. I can rest that He is perfectly working all those steps in a way that will most glorify Him through me. He is trust worthy. He is great and greatly to be praised. (Ps 9:4)
Someone once said to me that wisdom is born from suffering. The greater the suffering, the greater the wisdom.
I'm not sure if those sentiments can always hold true. I'm also not sure if this is the only way that, apart from Scripture and the Holy Spirit, that wisdom is born. It has also been said that wisdom is knowledge most appropriately applied.
Proverbs says that the beginning of wisdom is found in the fear (awe and reverence) of the Lord. Proverbs has a lot to say about wisdom. I think of Solomon, asking for wisdom above anything else.
What started this pondering on wisdom was the following quote shared by a friend:
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled
among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life
may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours.
Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.
~Rainer Rilke
What that quote does is change a bit the way I view the wise people in my life. And it certainly gives me a new way to pray for them.
Could this also be another reason to embrace the difficult? If suffering is seen as a gateway to wisdom, and wisdom is to be treasured above any other earthly thing, and if I fully realize that, could I then embrace suffering?
Suffering is a means of sanctification. I see that. I think this should be the reason I embrace it suffering. (Conform me into the image of Your Son, please.) And perhaps wisdom is a by-product of the sanctification.
And if by pondering wisdom too long, you lose brain cells, then thinking about wisdom becomes counter productive. I realize that also.
