Mary wore Baby Jesus in a SLING!

I don't feel quite so weird now! ;)

Stick a fork in me

I'm done! I love Christmas, in all it's merriment and festivities. Then BAM, as soon as it's the 26th, I'm ready to pack the stuff up and get back to normal. It only came to my attention a short time ago that some people actually get blue about Christmas' passing. Nothing against those people, but I sure ain't one of them. I want my house back. I want to walk through my living room and not trip over something Christmas related. I'm ready to not be crazy busy and worn out.

Allen likes to leave the tree up until New Year's Eve, and I'm good with that. I'm puttering around, trying to get the house back in semi-order before we drag the 100 boxes out of the attic and put everything away. New Year's Day, I'm all over it. January 2, I want a normal house!!! There was a lady in my old neighborhood who left her tree up until February. I don't get that. That's true Christmas love!

I'm a little sad about the way our Christmas turned out, only because of my illness! I managed to stay in the recliner all day, on Christmas Day, and at least be in the same room with everyone. Allen was so amazing. He cooked all day, doing breakfast, lunch and most of my Christmas dinner. He was up until 2, wrapping on Christmas Eve, since I couldn't help at all. He cleaned the house 12 times. I was so thankful and proud of him. I hated it, since he had such a crazy December, then spent a week terribly sick too.

But the kids had a great day anyway, and I had to keep reminding myself that Christmas is the whole season, and not just a couple of days at the end. So bear with me, as I bullet some of the fun we had for the scrap pages I'll do in 5 years.

-our fun day of breakfast shopping, the Helena Christmas parade, and buying our tree
-the living nativity
-Laney's and my day of grown up coffee and hot chocolate drinking Galleria shopping and a movie with Mimi and Abigail
-my late nights of drinking hot chocolate, watching movies like "Miss Potter" while working on my 7 homemade calendar Christmas presents
-watching "Pirates 3" with Allen
-baking and wrapping presents with the kids

-eating pizza by candlelight when the power was off

-Allen and the kids laying in the bed watching "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas"

Ah, it was fun and wonderful. I am so glad we had a great Christmas, and now I'm ready for a happy New Year!!!!!

If you have an hour or two to waste, here is our Christmas album:

http://picasaweb.google.com/aljzloveme/Christmas2007

This picture says it all:

Christmas is Magical

I'm not sure if that's the correct word exactly, but I love that special, sparkly feeling that Christmas brings. The anticipation, the warmth, the love. Even sitting in Christmas traffic you feel the bustle of Christmas and it feels different than the usual bustle.

Even non believers feel it, for the most part. It's weird. There are song about it. People talk about it. The special, magical feeling of Christmas.

I think that's Jesus. The essence of Him, in our everyday lives more so than other times of the year. A tangible feeling of Him in all the places we go. I feel Him in the glow of the Christmas tree lights. I see Him in the excitement of my children's' faces. I hear him in the songs that the whole world seems to be singing.

I love that the whole world seems to be celebrating Him, even though they don't know it. It gives me a glimpse of Heaven, and a place where everything IS Him. Won't that be cool???

All is calm, all is quiet

It was difficult to decorate for the holidays this year. Lots to do, not much time to do it all. I didn't get to do as much as I normally do, but maybe I'll get to do bits and pieces more.

Our tree is really great, though. I love it. Every year I think I might be tired of the blue and silver, but it's so magical, and I'm glad we do it again each year. It's all about snowmen, I think because we never get any snow!!!

I got some other great old timey decorations last year, and they are really sweet. I love to mix and match decorations. I'll post pics of them later. I love how the house looks all decorated. So cozy and wonderful. Allen has worked so hard on the outside, too. I'll post pics of that later too!

Homemade chocolate chip cookies and my People magazine are waiting for me!!!

I get hung up on Christmas

I was putting up my beloved nativity that my grandmother gave me the first year I was married when the thoughts stirred up in me again. I love the nativity, because I love her, but there are several things that really bug me about this nativity. All the participants are lily white. Caucasian as they come. I think Joseph even has strawberry blond hair. 

And there are wise men. I scoot them waaaay down the mantle, to make them look far away. They are white too, and there are 3 of them. We don't know how many there were and they didn't get there until Jesus was about 2. They can't help it, but those wise men bother me.

Jesus wasn't born in December, and I promise you, if Allen hears me talk about this one more time, we will be on the news. First manslaughter caused by the discussion of the birth of Baby Jesus.

But since this is my blog, I'll say it again. He was most likely born in September. Some pinpoint the day as September 11th, which is kinda creepy to me. But anyway, let's not go there. And that may not be right anyway. But the point is, He was definitely not born in December. 

Jesus told us to celebrate His death, but never mentioned His birth. It makes me so sad for Him, that we don't even celebrate His birth on the right day when I'm not sure He ever intended for us to celebrate it to begin with. And we mix it up with all this shopping, stress and choas. I've heard so many people, including myself, say "'tis the season" when it comes to being stressed. *sigh*



I keep a little nativity on my window sill in the kitchen, and I thank God for sending His son almost every day. I try to every day, but I fail miserably. So it's not that I don't want to thank God for His son, but this whole Christmas thing bothers me a tad.

My "weird" friend, who shall remain nameless, doesn't celebrate Jesus's birth at Christmas. Neither does her church. They celebrate the birth all year long, and Christmas is Santa, food, family, fun and fellowship.



I sort of like that.

Do you know what would happen if we shunned the whole "Jesus is the Reason" mindset? My family is already terribly weird because we don't pretend Santa is real. We pretend that he's pretend. Oh, people get upset at that one. I'd hate to add, "We don't celebrate Jesus either." It'd be ugly.

Allen is not this weird. I promise you. He rolls his eyes, and tries really hard to understand why I struggle with this so much. And I guess I just needed to say it again, this year. It's like part of my Christmas tradition. You know, like, put up the tree, decorate, shop and whine about Christmas.

Okay, this guy understands me a bit:

"A little humility is a very good thing when we're about the business of interpreting Scripture. We need to recognize that Scripture doesn't tell us everything we might be curious about, and so there are things that we simply can't know for sure. One thing we can be reasonably sure of, though, is that if the Bible doesn't give us full information on something, it probably isn't crucial for us to know it. If we're getting stymied in trying to figure out something, we're probably heading off on a rabbit trail, and missing the main point of what the author wanted us to see. It might be a good idea, this Christmas season, to forget about what we know of the whole Christmas story, and to read the individual Christmas stories once again, and see the different angles that the Holy Spirit inspired Matthew and Luke to tell us about. Come to think of it, it might not be a bad thing to blog on...."
(Link)

I need to take his words to heart, and listen to what the Spirit tells me about Christmas. I'm telling ya, It won't let this go with me. I must spout off each year about what I don't like about Christmas. I wish the Scripture was more clear, but I know it's not because of people like me. No amount of information will ever be enough.

Don't worry - my kids have a great holiday. I haven't poisoned their minds yet. Although I do make them say, "This is when we CELEBRATE Jesus' birth" instead of "This is when Jesus was born." I know-horrible. I'll make it up by buying them tons of commerically produced and mass marketed gifts... :)

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts, we traverse afar

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star....

What do I want in a church?

I want a church that shows me how to look and act like Christ. That's all. Maybe it's my fault that I think that's hard to find. Maybe I'm simply the problem.

Maybe our modern churches are just a product of society. Maybe we have to have politics and issues because of the mess we've made of the world. Maybe messed up churches are just a symptom of a messed up world. So where do we go, that's not messed up? Or are we always going to mess it up???

I know that sin makes things not good. I know we aren't going to have perfection on this earth because of sin. I know that nothing is going to be pure and good on this earth, until the new earth comes. I refuse to believe, though, that we can't have a Godly church. I refuse to believe that because we are all sinners that our churches have to be full of sin.

Maybe I am naive. Maybe I'm simplistic. Maybe, and probably, I have absolutely no idea of what I'm speaking. I just want a church full of people that have no interests other than being so very radically and passionately different from the rest of the world. That's who I want to be.

I don't want potlucks. I don't want committees. I don't want to have to wonder what my preacher is making, and whether or not my offering needs to go to the church or my needy neighbor. I don't want to have to go to business meetings or a committee meeting to decide what color the front door needs to be.

My heart is sad. Not because I don't think the church I desire exists, but because I don't know how to find it, and I don't know if I can honestly be a part of it without being part of the problem.

The Long Goodbye

We were out in Center Point today, visiting Allen's stepmother's store. When we were done, instead of coming home to do school, the Spirit urged me towards my grandparent's house. I didn't really want to go. We are behind in school because of Thanksgiving, but I knew this was important. So we went.

My grandparents have been suffering from dementia for years. My grandmother has Alzheimer's, actually, and I wonder if my grandfather has it too.

They've been getting progressively worse for years, but I don't think you're ever ready for this day.

My grandmother did not know who I was.

I cried, after we left. They loved the kids, and the sitter asked us to come back more often. They live in Clay, which is an exit past the Trussville one on 459. As much as Zane hates the car seat, the trip doesn't get made often enough.

It's hard too. I love my Mama Sue in a special way, I guess pretty much the way everyone loves their grandmother. But she and I have always had a special bond. Laney is even named after her. She was a fashionista, as you can tell by her rockin' green hat, and my love is evident for her even as a 2 month old. I love that picture of me gazing up at her. I wore her dress when Allen and I married, and she was so proud. She helped me get into, and out of, it that day. She was so happy.

She's been gone for a long time now. The lady I used to call and ask cooking or sewing questions to. She raised 3 kids. A blond eldest daughter who danced and sang her way through life. A quiet, sweet, gentle middle boy, who never wanted to rock the boat. And a youngest son who was a giant, loud soul, but was affectionate and fiercely loyal and protective. Isn't that something?

They used to only be able to remember long ago facts, which was fine with me. We'd talk about family and friends of long ago, laughing over stories and memories. Today Sue only remembered having male children, and they couldn't remember what of our family were alive or dead. My Daddy lives on 60 acres somewhere, in Buddy's mind, and "people" keep stealing Daddy Buddy's garbage can. But Buddy could still remember and talk about Bobby Bowden, who was a childhood best friend. I always get sad now, when I see Coach Bowden, knowing my granddaddy and he are the same age. And how different they are at this stage of life.

Buddy hasn't lost his sense of humor though. We were going down the stairs, so he could show me the room he's "been working on" and he paused to pick up a bag of garbage. I said, "Let me get that, Buddy." He said, "Nah, I'll get it. I'm the garbage man around here. you know." I laughed and said, "How'd you get that job?" He said, "I had to work hard for a long time to get it, and I'll tell you what. The pay stinks!" He had the old twinkle in his eye for just a second. Then it was gone.

Laney asked in the car why he didn't make much sense when he talked. It was hard to explain that his brain was broken.

I cried, thinking that Laney, and the boys, will never know the grandparents I had. The ones who would swing with me on the porch swing for hours. The ones who made me ice cream with chocolate sauce, took me shopping and let us spend the night whenever I wanted. The ones who I spent the night with before Thanksgiving and helped get ready for the big day. Sue was an amazing cook, and could sew better than anyone you've met. She made my costume for show choir in college, and it looked like a professional made it. She made me feel so incredibly loved all the time. We went to the lake house, and would sit and talk for days. Buddy would clean my shoes and tell me how to fix things. When a boy broke my heart, he said there were other fish in the sea. When I got married, they told us to only fight when we were naked. (We've never done that, by the way...) They've been married 56 years.

I usually curl up beside her on the couch and snuggle, but today, she was distant and a tad uncomfortable, like when a stranger sits too close in a movie or at church. I scooted over to give her more room and make her feel better. I realize how selfish I sound. Can you imagine living in a healthy body, but having no mind? I tried today.

What it boils down to is that I don't want to live a day where I can't talk to and praise Jesus. I want to keep my mind. I don't want my children to know the heartbreak of my not knowing them. That would just kill me. So I asked God to protect my mind. Seal it against decay, and keep me focused on Him till the day I die.

Nancy Regan called Alzheimer's "the long goodbye." She was right. Today was another chapter in this long season of my grandparent's life. I'm still trying to absorb it, and figure out how God wants me to process it all. I rambled, and thanks for being there to read it.