How the Lord Teaches

Or maybe that should say, "How the Lord Teaches Me."

When I started spending dedicated time studying His Word is when the Lord really started working in my life. I can trace His hand so clearly. 

It was when I started sacrificing my time in the beginning. I was reminded of this talking with a friend the other day. When the kids were little, I couldn't get up early because as soon as my foot hit the floor, their little eyes flew open. It was a disaster.

I confessed to the Lord my desperation to spend time with Him, but asked Him to have grace to cover the tired mom and the sleepy children that somehow seemed to help defy the Scripture's suggestion that one rise early in the morning to spend time with God. 

I actually offered up something ever more precious than sleep. 

The first moments that everyone was deeply asleep at night. 

The kids went to bed early, thankfully, since they didn't nap. As soon as the house sank into quiet and stillness, with ringing ears, a tired body and a spinning head, I would climb into bed (why? I have no idea) and dedicate that time to studying God's Word. 

I'm not going to lie. It was hard. I wanted to shower. Or sleep. 

But I didn't. I obeyed. I studied. 

And He blessed.

Immeasurably.

As the kids got a little older, I was able to sneak out of bed and with a fresh mind, and body, study in the early quiet of the morning. 

This slowly, and do I mean slowly, became such a precious, precious time. I remember thinking though, "Oh good, tomorrow is Saturday. I can sleep in."

I wondered when it would stop being a duty, even though I was learning and growing, and become a passion. A desire. A longing.

That was probably when this time became a necessity. When I couldn't function without spending that time with Him. When the anxiety or the unrest or the tension or the doubt filled me without the time spent with Him. 

Or when I realized that I missed Him. Like you miss a spouse or child or friend. When I didn't meet with Him, I missed Him.

How strange.

When the weather warmed, I started hauling my coffee, Bible, legal pad, pen and whatever book I was using as a study guide outside to sit at the table on the patio. Bella would follow me out and either bark at birds or lie at my feet. It was harder not to be distracted by the outside world, but I came to enjoy being out there. 

Fine. It also allowed me some quiet away from my early bird children who think 6 am is a perfectly normal time to get out of bed. 

Stinkers. 

{{{I'm told at some point they become teenagers and sleep all day. This seems to be an urban legend, but I'll anxiously wait to see if it's true or not.}}}

The Lord somehow seems to always direct what I'm to study, and I never cease to be amazed at how He uses it in my life. I can't recount how many times I've been able to use something I read that morning during the day. Or I'll read something later in the day what I studied in another seemingly random place. Or that will pop up in a sermon, either at church or online. 

Oh, He is so faithful with His Word!

This week was so beautiful. As I plod through Isaiah, I long for more time to study it fully. There is so much history, so much complexity, and I know I'm not really studying it to the fullest. Nonetheless, God has blessed me so much with this book. I finally made it through the first half of the book and was so happy to get to the "comfort" part - the second half.

The title of the chapter in the commentary was "How Great Thou Art." This made me laugh out loud when I opened to this page, since I had belted this song out in my kitchen washing dishes just a few days before, for the first time in ages. And it was also a song on one of my current musical obsession albums:

I guess you could sum all this up to coincidence, but I know better.

The three main points of this chapter of the book that I was using to study Isaiah were this:

1. God is greater than our circumstances

2. God is greater than our fears

3. God is greater than our enemies

Amazing truths. That I don't always act like I know, much less believe, but there I was, studying them out. 

Verses from this chapter leapt off the page and pierced my heart:

Isaiah 26:3-4 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock."

Isaiah 30:15, 18 "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...' Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him." 

I heard God challenging me: 

"Do you trust me?"

I felt the fear and uneasiness well up in me. Trust. Here we were again. 

Suddenly... a breeze caught the pages of my Bible, and out fluttered a paper. 

I set all the books/papers/Bible on the table and heaved my self out of the comfortable chair to chase down the offending paper that had flown out of my Bible. 

I didn't recognize it as mine, and I quickly identified it as one that our church gives the school-aged kids as they leave their classes. I flipped it over and my heart skipped a beat. 

"Oh, Lord. Okay. ALRIGHT..."

At the bottom of this sheet of paper was this verse:

"Those who know your name will trust in you,

for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you..."

Psalm 9:10a

Really? Those kid sheets never find their way into my Bible. Ever. I'm sort of weird about my Bible. I won't write in it, no one else is allowed to use it or touch it, really. It's just mine. They have theirs. I have mine. 

But I hear you, Lord. 

I do. 

I just sat, in my chair, and let that verse flow over me. I looked over to the left and saw a bird.

Again. 

It occurred to me, in that moment, that there was a bird at that same spot every single morning. 

Now I know it's summer and birds are everywhere. I realize that birds are probably in everyone's yard. I really do.

But here's the thing. I do try to get up at the same time every morning, but I don't. Especially in the summer. I do get out there most every day, but at different times. And I promise you this. At what ever time I'm out there, studying and reading and praying, there is a bird at the exact same spot in the yard. Not always the same kind of bird. I'm no bird expert, by any means. In fact, I know approximately three types of birds. And one of these birds is a robin. But there are others-other types of birds that I can't identify. Always in this same spot every day. In my yard.

Finally I was like, "Okay, God. What's the deal with the birds?"

Is it just a coincidence, or am I just finally going a little nuts? Or are you trying to teach me something?

I mean I sort of got addicted to birds back a while ago.

 

I got this necklace because it reminded me that if His eye was on the sparrow, then His eye was one me.

Ohhh....

Wait. 

Are there birds in my yard to remind me that if you are caring for their every single need, then surely you are caring for every single need of mine?

Oh, wow...

As I absorbed this bit of information, my eye fell on a verse in my book:

Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;

make music to our God on the harp.

He covers the sky with clouds;

he supplies the earth with rain

and makes grass grow on the hills.

He provides food for the cattle

and for the young ravens when they call.

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,

nor his delight in the legs of a man;

the Lord delights in those who fear him,

who put their hope in his unfailing love.

~Psalm 147~

That was it. I packed up my things, took them inside, shoved on my running shoes, jammed on my ear phones and headed out the front door. I needed to process and pray and worship.

Because that's how God does it. When I dedicate my time and seek him diligently with everything I have, He comes to where I am. He sends stinking birds. He orchestrates everything to bring about His desired purpose.

He teaches those who seek Him.

I do not take that lightly. The God, the Creator and Sustainer of the entire Universe meets me in my back yard to teach me? Are you kidding me?

It's too much for me to comprehend. I mean, really. It's too much.

Fast forward to today, when I just so happened to take my son to a particular store to meet a mom who will have him for a spend the night party.

We wait in a store that I would have never gone in had we not been waiting. And as we wait, this came in my field of vision.

I may or may not have said out loud, "Are you kidding me?"

It was this:

Let me just tell you that it's a journal, and along with those blasted birds, birds I said,  is the title that nearly yelled at me from the rack:

"Lord, I cherish your Promises Journal."

Oh, so don't think that I didn't fork over the few bucks for that journal. 

It's full of Scripture that quote God's promises to us.

It was too good not too.

My poor yellow legal pads have taken a beating out there on the patio these mornings. It will be nice to have a hard back journal to write in, although now I have a sentimental attachment to those silly legal pads. 

But here's the other thing. When I opened the journal to the page where the ribbon was bookmarking a page that had this verse:

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. 

Oh yeah, it's from ISAIAH. Of course it is. 

Isaiah 54:10

You know, I could just dismiss all of this with a brush of the hand. 

"It's just coincidence..."

It would be easy to do that. But I can't. I feel the Spirit's tug at my heart. I feel Him whispering that He is the grand conductor in an orchestra that is playing just to me. Not for my own benefit, mind you. The orchestra that is using all of God's Word and creation and members of the body of Christ to sanctify me and mold me and teach me and ready me for whatever He has coming.

To say it's humbling would be a grand understatement. 

I am thankful, though. How paltry those words those feel in my mouth. 

Thank you.  

How do you thank Him, really? For salvation? For the gift of His Word? For all He's doing and bestowing?

All I have is my life. I reckon I'm just going to thank Him with that. Spend this life showing Him how thankful I am.  

Thankful for those birds. I hope they keep coming to my yard. They really do encourage me.

Free Music

It just so happens that you can get some free music from the band I just posted about, Ascend the Hill, from Noise Trade.

It's free, I said free, and easy.

Go get it and be blessed by it. 

For real.

Noise Trade

More music I'm obsessed with

Go ahead and play that while you read.

First of all, you have to know who Mandi Mapes is. She's an amazing singer/song writer that has a tremendous passion for Christ. Her music has blessed my family and me so much. (You can preview and/or buy her latest album here)

Over Easter weekend, we sang a song that she sort of adapted, and it was this "Hallejuah, What a Savior." It quickly became a sentimental favorite for me, but the words also just stirred up such worship in my heart.

I went online to see if I could find something similar to the version she wrote, and I found this version by a band called "Ascend the Hill." I quickly bought the song and promptly wore it out. 

I mean, I wore. it. out.

I noticed, though, at the end of the song, that it seemed to cut off. I have this thing about hating when songs I love end, and usually can't hit "repeat" quickly enough. I was curious as to what song followed this one, and so I previewed the next song, called "None Compare (Spontaneous Worship)."

As the song played, I found it hard to catch my breath. The beauty of worship swirled around in me, and I reflected on the last few years in my life which have cultivated a most intimate, precious relationship with Him. This song just seemed to sing to Him in a way that my spirit longed to worship, thanking Him for all that He has done in me and hopefully will continue to do. I think that the word "matchless" was what sealed the deal for me. That word wrecks me. Honestly, beside the word "holy" the word "matchless" pretty much sums up God in one word for me. 

Needless to say, I bought the rest of the album without hearing another song, which can be a risky thing to do. Not this time. This whole album is so beautiful. It has invoked and enabled such worship in me, and I have literally sailed through some days that other wise would have slayed me had I not been singing these songs at the top of my lungs.

Because worship saves my life on a daily basis. I'm thankful for the sweet music God has brought me the last few weeks. I rarely let the music stop. Sweet praise...

It's on repeat

 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber...The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 121

All day long
We are sinking just like stones
Into the shadow of your kindness

In this shade
Between the wingspan of your face is
The only place
Where we can bed these burdens down
so I

Lift my eyes up to the hills
Who is gonna help me now

You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope

Tangled up
In the great ridiculous
Way you love
it is the only way to live
There’s no escape
When you look at me that way
Staring like a deer into the headlights of your praises

Lift my eyes up to the hills
Who is gonna help me now

You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope
You’re my only
You’re my only
You’re my only hope

And you come like the sun
With pockets full of redemption
And you come
With the sun
With the sun

And you come like the sun
With pockets full of redemption
And you come

With the sun
With the sun

With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun
With the sun

No shampoo?

I tried this trick years ago with disastrous results. 

I decided to give it a go again. 

With definite feelings of trepidation. 

First, some back story.

I have a friend who has become my heart this last year. I won't try to take the time to describe our relationship-it's beautiful and complex and the most Christ-centered friendship I've ever had. 

We bonded more one day over the story of Elizabeth and Mary, and she started calling me her "Mary." I figured that made her Elizabeth. But that's our relationship. The joy and the amazement at what God is doing in us individually and together bonds us together in the most unique way.

She's also the funniest human alive. It's to the point now when I'm looking at my phone and laughing/crying/wheezing/snorting, my husband will look over and say, "What's Elizabeth up to now?"

She's funny.

But she's also hard on me.

One day I did something pretty embarrassing. In front of people. Instead of consoling me like a good friend would, she gave me a once over from head to toe and said, "Well, at least you're having a good hair day..."

Yep. That's Elizabeth.

It became a running joke. She'd text me in the middle of a crisis, and as I was digging through Scripture or praying for wisdom/discernment, she's interrupt the conversation with, "So how is your hair today?"

As a result I started to text her pictures of my hair in various states of disarray-first thing in the morning, after a run, while I was making part of it red, whatever would prove to her that I did actually not have great hair. 

It became a huge, silly, stress relieving joke.

Hold on to that long story.

I found a post the other day about this whole "no shampoo" things, and it reminded me of the time I tried this a few years ago.

(here is the link: Shampoo Free )

It was a disaster last time, but for some reason, I decided I needed to give it a try again. When I was getting a facial last week (hush, it was a gift) the nice lady commented that it looked like I was perhaps allergic to my shampoo/conditioner by the way my skin looked around my hairline.

It was time to try this Shampoo Free thing again. It's so cheap, and I was willing to give it a whirl.

A down side to this process is that you really have to brush your hair out. It's a long story why, but trust me. You have to brush your hair. A lot.

I try not to do that. 

Why, you ask? 

Well. Back to my crazy friend and my insane habit of texting her horrible pictures of my hair.

I showed this soon-to-come picture to another friend last week and she said, "Dude, like seriously, don't ever show that to anyone..." or something along those lines. And she laughed really hard.

But you know what? I'm tired of all of this social media bull crap. I'm tired of the perfect profile pictures, the constant reassurances that we're perfect people with no problems and that our lives are so sweet and happy and blessed and never, ever suck. I try to ram against that, but I'm not sure I really do that good of a job. I toyed with the idea of using a really horrible picture of me as my profile picture (and I have tons of them) on Facebook and Twitter, but I admit it. I wasn't brave enough.

So I'm going to keep it real and post what my honest to goodness hair looks like after it has had a good brushing. And this ought to be good for not only a few laughs, but some bonus points for being real.

{{Also, in the vein of keeping it real, I also sinned at least eight times today. I'd list them, but I'm really tired and I want to go to bed. I'll save that for another day... I did honestly repent though}}

So here's to real:

There you go. Hope I still have friends after this. *wink*

Music I'm currently obsessed with...

The beauty post is still haunting me. In my avoidance of working on it, I have been avoiding my blog. That means I forgot to post about my favorite new band. We've been playing them on an almost non-stop loop for at least a month now. 

I gotta get that beauty post done.

I tried to get into this band a few times, and I just couldn't. Then one day I was reading this lady's blog, and she had linked a video of them. I was still not hooked, but then a strange thing happened. 

See, sometimes God gets a hold of my iPod, or computer as it was this time. 

I had wandered off to clean something, and suddenly we hear this pretty cool noise coming from the kitchen, where the laptop was. The kids and I all went to investigate what it was, and it was this video:

Image if that suddenly came blasting from your kitchen. I laughed because I didn't play this video. It wasn't even the one she had linked. And I loved it, and it made me love this band, and I got the album and played it over and over again. 

The kids love it too. Zane made me play this particular song repeatedly. 

Then there is one song which has the lyrics:

we cannot keep you in a church
we cannot keep you in a Bible
or it's just another idol to box you in

They remind me of a conversation I've had a couple of times here lately about God not being limited by His Word. His Word is what He gave to us for us, but it's not the end all be all of God. He is not and will not be limited to or by His Word. (and this may be one of those things I'll read in three years and this, "Um, well..."  but I don't care. I've been trying to process this for awhile.) And maybe that's not what this song is even talking about, but I go over this in my head every time I hear the song. Which is a lot here lately. 

I like it when my music not only makes me worship, but it makes me think. 

So, this is my current obsession.

Gungor  

(link)

Promises

Promises

You probably need to read that article.

It took me all day.

I'd read it for a bit, and then step away and process.

Then I'd go back and read some more.

I know I have trust issues. And I'm seeing, and feeling, the effect they have on the people that I love. I'm seeing how when I refuse to believe someone's promise(s) that it points to my deep-seated trust issues.

And this pertains to Christ's promises to me too. 

That's a lot to process for a Monday. 

But I'm working on it.

Mostly I'm anchoring this here for when I need to read it again.

There is also an article on forgiveness, but I'm ignoring that bit of information, for now. That's probably best left for another day.