I'm scared

And I hate to admit it. But I am. And I'd like to add that this will probably be my most popular blog post ever. It's gonna be awesome.

So last week, Francis Chan posts a video of Christian missionaries being persecuted in Orissa, India. I read that there is a small chance that the persecution is actually political and not religious, but nonetheless, Francis Chan got a lot of people thinking, talking and praying.

Since I am currently obsessed with Ruth Bell Graham, I'm reading every book I can get my hands on about her. She grew up with her family in China where her father was a doctor/missionary. She writes of all that their missionary friends went through. The persecution, the death.

I was already thinking about this after reading Ruth's book, and then the Chan video happened. I've been thinking about this for a long time, really. I've blogged before about how easy we have it in this country when it comes to religious persecution. We know nothing of religious persecution. We have NONE.

I mean my faith costs me SO little. It costs me nothing. I've actually sat in church and though about how easy it is to worship in this country. I sit there and think about men coming in the sanctuary with machine guns. I think about what it it were dangerous to come to church. What if it could literally could cost me my life? Would I go? What if they dragged my pastor out and killed him? Or others worshiping there? I know I'm not the only one who thinks these things, and doing so definitely doesn't make me a better person. Let me just get that out there.

So after reading about this religious persecution last week, I had to go back over all this in my mind. Ask myself some hard questions.

Would I die for Christ? Absolutely. Oh please, kill me now and I'll open my eyes and see Jesus. Despite my misgivings about Heaven, seeing Jesus is something I think about often. I just can't wait to see Him. So yes, kill me dead, please.

But what about torture? Physical torture? Would I ever renounce Christ because of physical torture?

And what about my kids. Kill my kids, sure. They'll see Jesus too. But what if I had to watch someone torture my kids? That would be the worst. I just can't even imagine.

But it happened to some of Ruth Graham's friends. This century. In China.

And why do I need to think about this anyway? I don't know. I think for me, it seems as though I've drawn a line in the sand with how far I'd go to serve Christ. Kill me, fine. Kill my husband, fine. Kill my kids, good. Torture me, my husband or my kids? I don't have an answer.

I've thought a lot about Jesus in the garden too. He didn't want to go through with it. He asked for the cup to pass from Him. I think that it was the separation from God that was the thing he feared the most. The wrath from God for the sin He carried. I wonder, though, if the physical agony he knew He was going to endure made him fearful before hand. I mean he was fully man, and fully God. Did the man part fear the physical part of the process He was going to go through?

Now I know that there are things that God gives us the grace for only once we get there. Not that I think that torture would be easy by any stretch of the imagination. It's horrific, and that's why it's used. I do know if that's what God has called me to, He'll get me through it.

I think too that this is all just how God is sizing me up a little. Seeing just how serious I am about what I'm willing to give up. I'm so fine with giving up my home, my car, my country even. Actually, if I got to give up those things, I'd be ecstatic. But giving up physical comfort and security seems to be a sticking point for me, and it seems to me to be a serious flaw in my Christian character. I'm having trouble reconciling the part of me that says, "Oh yes, Lord, use me greatly. Just don't let me be physically compromised for You."

Doesn't that make God sick? That my love has limits?

I am still praying this out. I also know that God loves me, in spite of my faults. I really want to get to the point where I can say that I'm so in love with the God I serve that I don't care what happens to me this side of heaven. I'm not there yet. And I'm desperately sorry for that.

Zoo!

It was a great day at the zoo!

The lion was close to the fence! It's the closest we've ever been to him, and even though he was asleep, it was cool to see him this closely.

This white tiger was very agitated, which made me very sad, but it was cool that he came up to the glass.

This guy was pacing too, and so he got very close to the glass. It was a tad un-nerving to have him so close! And cool.

Zane's face kills me.

Spider monkey. ;)

These Speckled Langurs were so neat. This guy was videoing them on his phone, and then playing it back for the monkey. The monkey really watched it. Wild.

Laney made a sweet friend!

The two boy monkeys fought and fought and the boys thought it was hilarious. The girl monkey sat calmly by. Just like at my house!

The first time Zane and I went across this bridge, I dragged him literally screaming at the top of his lungs. The next time, I held his hand as he yelled, "DON'T GO SO FAST..." The next time, he went behind me, and then he got brave and started running across it all by himself.

I think there is a serious spiritual lesson in that, but I'm too tired to type it all out. Just live bravely. :)

Why Leviticus?

This is a blog post that got away. I really, really thought I wrote this last year. I went back and looked even, thinking that I wrote it already. And it wasn't there. So much like you think of a really good retort a day later to someone who catches you off guard, this is my, not NO really, I thought that LAST YEAR!

  Oh well! It doesn't matter, really. But, I do realize that I need to get these suckers out when I first feel them writing themselves in my head. Now the two other posts I have rolling around in my head are going to have to come out too! woo hoo!

  So anyway, last January, 2009, God impressed upon me to start reading the Bible through. No problem. I got my little "read through the Bible in a year" Bible and got started. It was all good, until I got through Exodus. God again impressed to me that this was great. Now I should study through the Bible. 

  Um, yeah. Okay. I got LOTS of free time. I actually do love to study God's Word, but I'll admit, it's not always the very first priority of my day. I got a little stressed, wondering when I was going to find this time. I knew I was supposed to get up at 6am and study the Word. 

  Um, okay. I'm trying to obey happily, but I was still dealing with Zane at various times during the night at that time, and sleep was something I longed for and dreamed about. God asking me to give more of that up seemed a little harsh. But I obeyed. And boy was I blessed. So here I go, studying in my own non-theologically educated way. And I was good during Genesis and Exodus. I learned things I never knew, meditated on what I learned, and was just steeping in God's goodness through His Word.

  And I then I get to Leviticus.

  Good grief.

  I skimmed through it, shaking my head, wondering WHY in the HECK I needed to know all this stuff. I reread it, trying not to skim through it. I would read a passage, realized I day dreamed all the way though it, then reread it. Ugh. It was hard.

  So I was walking one morning, after reading it yet again. I came to love my early morning walks, because they because a time of reflection and conversation with God about His Word. So really, honestly, I was just asking Him "Why Leviticus?" There is so much detail. The detail. Oh the detail. I see the Bible as precious real estate. It just seemed like a lot of time and space was dedicated to this book when I would have liked to have seen some other stuff in there more than this book of Leviticus. I mean REALLY.

  So God, in His infinite grace and patience with me, listens to me rail on and on about this book. About my frustrations with this book. All my why's and good griefs and UGH's. Then, I hear it. I hear God say, "You want to know why Leviticus? You want to know why? I'll tell you why..."

  So I started to get a little nervous. As I imagine Moses realized, once he asked God to show him His glory, when He realized God was going to actually do it, though, "Uh oh." I thought, "Uh, maybe I shouldn't have questioned God, the creator of the Universe, about what He decided to put into His Word."

  But God was kind. He said, "You want to know why Leviticus? I'll tell you why. You read it. You read every word. You think about what it was like to live under that law. You think about the people that lived under that law. You think about the priests that obeyed that law to the letter. About the people that needed that law. Think long and hard. Then, think more...

  Then. Think. About. Jesus."

  I do think I literally stopped in the middle of the street. Paused in the middle of life. 

  Jesus, in one fell swoop, wiped out the book of Leviticus. Much like the curtain was torn, so was the book of Leviticus. He. Wiped. It. Out.

  I was blown away. That's why Leviticus. So that while read in the shadow of the cross, the book of Leviticus takes on a whole new meaning. It means a lot to me now. Jesus died, in part, to wipe all of it away.

  And that's why it remains, planted firmly in the Old Testament that I adore so very much. To always remind me of not only why Jesus died, but of what he wiped away when He did. Much like my God, the crucifixion is much deeper, much more complicated that I make it. It's not just "Jesus died so I could go to heaven." I cheapen it when I reduce it to that level. There's so SO much to it. What Jesus gave up, what He washed away, what He wiped out. How He did it and why. It's just so much. So heavy and precious.

So as we study the book of Leviticus in church now, am reminded of these amazing precious things that God revealed to me over a year ago. I am so thankful for God's teaching me through His Word. I stand in awe of Him and His Word.

 

The last recipe

Whew. I loved the new recipe week, but I'm glad it's over. I'm adding all the recipes into the rotation, and I'm glad to be back to the same old boring stuff this week! Here's the last one, though:


http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/pan-roasted-chicken-lemon-garlic-green-beans-10000000780291/index.html


This one was good. It was nice to have it all in one dish. I absolutely adore garlic, so that was a huge plus. The green beans did get a little burned on the bottom, so that was weird. I also didn't cook it as long as I was supposed to, becuase we had chicken tenders instead of breasts. The kids also werent' crazy about the green beans, but I really liked this dish. I'll hang on to it, and maybe just make the kids some mac and cheese and broccoli, but then that defeats the purpose of having everything in the same dish.

Oh well. It was good, and it would make a good "take to someone who just had a baby meal."

That's it. I'm going to rest this week, and then try this again. It was really great to eat some new stuff.

My next goal? Cook with curry. I know I'm the last person in the world to cook with it, but I'm going to try it. Hopefully the kids will be on board... :)

Next recipe - Dijon Chicken

The next recipe I tried was Dijon Chicken. I got the recipe out of a magazine, so I can't post a link, but it's really very easy.
The recipe called for 6 chicken boneless breasts, but I decided to use only 2, to make sure we liked it before I sacrificed all that chicken to a dish we didn't like.
So you brown your chicken breasts in 3T of butter over medium high heat in a skillet for 4ish minutes on each side.
Remove chicken from skillet and brown 1 medium yellow onion and 1 thinly sliced red bell pepper in the butter until vegetables are tender.
In a separate bowl, whisk (that has an "h" in it? Wow) 1 14oz can of chicken broth, 3T of flour and 3T of Dijon mustard together. Return chicken to skillet and pour mustard mix over the chicken and vegetables. Simmer, covered, for 20 minutes or until chicken is done.
This was really, really good! I have also loved having Dijon mustard on sandwiches here lately, so I don't know why I haven't been using it all along. I had extra sauce left over, since I didn't use as much chicken as it called for, so I just froze the remaining sauce for the next time I brown some chicken in the skillet. I'll just reheat the sauce and pour it over the plain breasts.
So this was a keeper. Yay!
One more new recipe tonight, and then I'm taking a week off! Back to the same old recipes next week!:)

Another recipe review

http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/cheesy-baked-shells-broccoli-00000000006575/

I tried this one last night. I added two boneless breasts of chicken that I sauteed (Who knew that word had two "e"s? Huh.) in the iron skillet with seasonings. Then I just chunked them up and threw them in with the rest of the stuff before I put it in to bake.

This was a great dish. Warm, easy and cozy good. Even Allen liked it, and he's not a huge fan of cheese. There was even enough for leftovers, which I really liked! A definite keeper!

My kids have comedy writers

Again, feel free to igore this post. It's just for me!

The kids have been hilarious here lately, and I just wanted to write this down somewhere. You know, so I can torture them later with these things.

Jude loves to find the book of Jude in his Bible. He turned there the other day, and he said, "Hey mom. Did a kid write Jude? It's really short."

Laney lost a tooth, and she said, with all sincerity and seriousness, "Mom, when I lost my tooth, did I lose my sweet tooth?" I really thought she was making a joke, but she wasn't. And no, I don't think we'll ever lose our sweet teeth...

Finally, Zane was highly upset when we put in a Veggie Tales movie. We don't watch them much, and I don't think he's ever really seen one. We are studying Esther, so Laney asked to watch that one. I put it in, and Zane got really upset. We asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn't like Veggie Tales. He was pretty upset about it too. I asked him why he didn't like them, and he had a list, that he very emphatically stated: "They don't have arms, they don't have legs, and THAT GUY (pointing at the screen) DOESN'T EVEN HAVE *EYES*...

I should add that he wasn't amused that we laughed after that speech...